I’m ruminating over whether or not I’m a child molester since jag was my first false memory and encounter with ocd . (8th grade )Then after that it progressed to intrusive thoughts , which sent me a pang of anxiety. I’m debating whether or not I did compulsions . Was it avoidance because the thoughts were scary or was it just me thinking the thought was absurd . I remember thinking the thought was absurd and kind of leaving it . I’d fantasize about random people and my best friends face would pop up involuntarily and id avoid fantasize Nagu all together due to this (9th), then I had HIV obsession (9th) and them POCD again. What weird is how cool I was over this at first . Like was I avoiding thoughts cuz they were too scary or were they normal intrusive thoughts and I’m avoiding the fact that I’m a molester ??? Like for example , in grade 9, I had intrusive thoughts of being attracted to my friends 12 year old Bridget and whenever he left I was relieved he was gone . But I didn’t ruminate. A lot . I just kinda avoided and felt relief . I guess I didn’t get into the content cuz it’s too scary so that’s why I was nonchalant or maybe not . Idk it’s SO weird

Yes

@lucy.wilefirr then you have to work for it. you can’t keep doing constant complusions (confessions, reassurance, ruminating) and expect to recover. you get out what you put in, you know that will only make things worse. i’m not trying to be mean but i have seen a lot of your posts and most are reassurance seeking or confessions. some last as long as months. if you want to get better you have to genuinely want it. i believe this app may be turning it to a complusion for you and if that’s the case you might need to take a break. i’m proud of how far you’ve come but if you want to go farther you have to stop stunting your own growth. i know it’s easier said than done but if you know compulsions only make everything much worse you need to stop doing them. compulsions do NOT make you remember things any clearly infact it makes your memory worse and makes it hard for you to trust yourself. compulsions will NOT make you feel better you’ll feel better for a bit then ten times worse after. if you want to feel better then you have to do better.

@lucy.wilefirr start listening to ali greymond she could really help you. and make take a break from this app for a bit.

@pai 😽 Yeah but if I’m a molester then I deserve punishment . Aren’t having obsessions without compulsions after the false memory proof that it’s not a false memory ? I don’t know if that’s an ocd thought

@lucy.wilefirr try doing erp with this thought. write on a paper “yes i’m a molestor. even though i have no proof of being a molestor and have no memory of doing that, i am a molestor. i’m a molestor simply because my ocd told me i am. even though during this entire thing, ocd has always told me a bunch of lies. even tho ocd is extremely untrustworthy i’m trusting it anyways and believing it’s true.” write this down and re read it to yourself outloud in a sarcastic voice (maybe quietly) this works i promise

@lucy.wilefirr also wdym “obsessions without compulsions about this thought” i have seen you doing many compulsions over this thought. and now you’re doing compulsions over whether or not you’re doing compulsions. 😟

@pai 😽 But I do have a memory though. I used to think it was false but now I think it’s real, because of the way ocd developed . One false memory in grade 8, then in grade 9 I had obsessions of molesting friends but didn’t do any compulsions . I just remember the thoughts gave me anxiety and then not looking at them further . Then I had contamination ocd then POCD I think.

@lucy.wilefirr oh okay then fix what i said to like properly show ur situation. but just agree with the thoughts and doubts out loud as erp

@lucy.wilefirr did you listen to any ali greymond vids ?

@pai 😽 Yeah . They’re helpful .

@lucy.wilefirr 🖤