we may go to the beach today and i am so worried i am going to get turned on by looking at girls or that i will like what i see. is this hocd? being scared of getting turned on? because lately the scenarios i do to check haven't been making me anxious, on the contrary they felt like i wanted them and liked them and that made me so uncomfortable. what if deep down i do want that? i don't want to like it. is this denial? saying i don't want to like the thoughts of same sed intercourse??

Why don't you stop testing yourself? Make a decision to never test yourself and commit to it because it's not helping you, and won't get rid of your obsessions, if anything it will make things worse. I understand your need to know the answer but there really is no answer. You'll never get any answers, so just try to trust yourself. Maybe the best response to those thoughts is to not respond at all. Testing and trying to reason and argue with thoughts all in your head might be a mental compulsion, I guess.

@Erl09 but then whenever i try to get a sense of certainty i try those mental compulsions but then they're not working anymore i am so scared it might all just be true

@Nour04 I'm sorry. I know this is very stressful. Even so, I can't give you reassurance and it's best to not ask for it, it will also make it worse just like those mental compulsions. You will always be asking for more reassurance, proofs, and will need to do more compulsions than before and nothing will ever be enough, nothing will ever make the obsessions convinced. They are here because this is something that can't be 100% known for sure. It's best to stop fighting. It's like a trap. More compulsions will lead to more obsessions. Can you try to live with uncertainty? There are so many questions in this world that can't be answered. You live everyday, not knowing what may happen tomorrow. Just try to trust yourself. Don't give your thoughts any meaning. You are not your thoughts you are the one who is listening and you are the one who gets to decide what meaning to give to those thoughts. Maybe try to realize "ah that's an unwanted thought" and then move on and focus on something else. 'True or not' should no longer matter to you. This is no longer an argument because ocd won't be convinced of anything anyway. Your focus on those thoughts is what makes them stay with you longer. I wish I could do something for you, but I don't know how to help... it's so hard to live with ocd especially something so vague like pure o. Try to focus on something else... so you're going to the beach, huh? Must be fun. What are you gonna do? Maybe are you going to build a sand castle? Or try bright colored popsicle ? Do you have pets you plan on taking with you? ( I'm trying to help. If it doesn't help then I'm sorry... ah, how embarrassing... )

@Erl09 nooo on the contrary thank you so much for helping!! you are the sweetest i promise! and yeah i am but now i am more sad about how fat i look in my swimming suit and i want to stay at home, added the fact that i am scared of finding a girl attractive...but yeah i don't think i'll be able to go into the water because i got burned because of wax so i'll tan instead, i wish i had a pet though do you???

@Nour04 I wish you to have so much fun there. Even if you thought a woman is pretty, that's OK too I guess, 'cause everyone have their own beauty standards when they look at other humans regardless of that human's gender. Yes. I love animals very much, but I don't have any. I wish I had a lazy dog and maybe a cat. I saw a video of a dog. When you mentioned the beach, I remembered that video. His human took him to the beach and the poor dog was so scared of the sea. He gets closer to the sea when the waves moves away, but when it gets closer he quickly runs away. His human carried him and forced him to go to the water lol. It didn't work, the dog didn't go down just his legs when he was put down he ran again. I watch animal videos, they really cheer me up. Do you like music? If so, it might be a good idea to make sure you don't forget your headphones. Maybe music too can take you to a different world where there is no anxiety. I hope you feel better.

@Erl09 omgg thank you so much for walking me through this!! you are literally THE most amazing person! thank you!! and yeah you reminded me to take my earphones with me so thanks for that too!!

@Nour04 If I went somewhere without earphones, I'd be so gloomy lol. You are welcome. Take care.

but then that thing that happened, what if it meant something?

@Nour04 Let your ocd say that oh well maybe that meant something maybe it didn't and move on with your day