Me and my partner have been going out for a couple of montjs now, and there hasn't really been much physical contact, the odd brush hear and there. On our last date we went out and after a while he held my hand and later on he asked my permission to hug me. I said yes but I immediately felt scared and had an anxiety attack. I don't know whats wrong with me, when my friends and family hold my hand, touch me and hug me I feel fine but when he touches me I get so scared and freeze up. It might be because its my first proper relationship and these are my firsts (I'm 15 by the way). This is then triggering my soocd and telling me because I don't like being touched, I'm gay and the touched my girl best friend give me are more comfortable because I'm secretly gay. I like this guy a lot, and I am sure I'm not gay but my ocd is giving me so much rubbish for it. From what I can tell this isn't normal. I should feel comfy right? I'm sure with more touches and time I'd get more comfy. But I just wanted to let that out cuz it's been brewing inside of me for a while.

When I had my first boyfriend in 8th grade I was super freaked out by him touching me. I liked him a lot and I really did like when he touched me but I was embarrassed since I didn’t want to be seen as “that” girl and I also felt like I was disobeying my parents somehow even though they knew about him. Plus I wasn’t really a physical person so it just freaked me out

You are having anxiety, because he is important to you. It’s effecting your fight or flight response, and causing you to feel like you want to escape the situation. You then have ocd thoughts that are asking if you’re not into it, which makes you worried because you like him, so the ocd gets worse from it. The best thing you can do is keep seeing him, and just tell him you get nervous, and you like him, and you would like to just take it slow. Eventually you will feel more than comfortable and your ocd thoughts even if they both you, will not scare you anymore. But it’s important to learn how to accept that these thoughts can exist and they feel uncomfortable, but they are not real- they are just thoughts. People without ocd have these thoughts, they just don’t get triggered by them. Their body doesn’t react to it.

Second boyfriend was meh I don’t remember much but when I first started dating my current boyfriend it was like being in 8th grade all over again and I had to get use to being touched by someone. I really loved it and I really liked him and the way he made me feel but it was all new and scary and I didn’t know how to reciprocate so it took time but after a few months I got really comfortable. It takes time when it’s your first girly , these things take time especially with anxiety disorder like ocd

Listen you are allowed to take things so Maybe it'd be good if you initiated the contact (u don't need to verbalize this to him), so u work up the courage to hug him. It'll give u a bit more sense of control and u can turn this experience in to ERP to help you overcome this ocd.

How old is your boyfriend