when i was first hit with hocd i couldn't do anything at all, but now i ak able to move on with my day and do simple tasks and even go out, which makes me feel like this isn't hocd because ut doesn't impair my life anymore, which must mean i am in denial

but i'm not even in therapy! and i still feel like i am in denial

Yes I also not in therapy so this could be denial

@HOCD SUFFER what do you mean? that i am in denial?????

@Nour04 No it doesn’t mean that. I also experience this, sometimes I freak out and other times it’s not so bad. It doesn’t mean you’re in denial? I am also not in therapy but I manage to handle my hocd much better than before. For me, it’s because I don’t pay attention to the thoughts

So you feel normal again, like no more groinals and arousal, gosh that’s a life I’m trying to get back, I’m starting to feel better because I’ve been sitting with everything ocd throws at me to “convince me”

well exactly, lately it's been less and less anxiety, and less and less nausea, which makes it feel more real and like i actually want it and fantasize about it rather than it being checking and testing. it feels so much more real and as if i like the thoughts. at least back when i used to throw up at the image of women genitalia, i knew i didn't like it but now it's far more confusing because it feels wayyyy more real

@Nour04 Omggggggg this is my exact situation

@dylen i am so sorry we don't deserve this. are you okay do you need to vent? i am always here for you <3

@Nour04 I only really have one thing that rllllllllyyyyyyyyy bothers me, say when I’m masturbating and I’m trying to think of girls, a gay thought will pop up and I’ll feel an orgasm coming and it feels so real when it happens and the arousal feels real to like wtf

@dylen Sounds like your amygdala activated the fear response and heightened your state of arousal here if it happened super quick

@alexisrae1999 the same happens to me! i even orgasmed to it!! and sometimes i would just say "think about" , just that, not even thinking about anything just saying that makes me more aroused(?)

@Nour04 Its a good thing that the anxiety is going away! Sounds like you're experiencing a backdoor spike, you don't have to be in therapy to get better if you're doing research on how to properly do erp and combat your compulsions. If youre still concerned with your levels of attraction/arousal to any gender, that's what's holding you back. The checking. You might need to in essence "surrender" your sexuality in order to give your ocd the middle finger

@Nour04 I think its the fact that your mind definitely knows which reaction you want to whatever scenario you're imagining. You should stop the checking, maybe if you're going to masturbate you should try just focusing on the feeling and not think of anything else (something and ex boyfriend told me when he was going through what probably was scrupulosity)

@alexisrae1999 it's just so hard because the past 2 days i have felt like i am truly attracted to girls and i want that and all of it is denial and it feels SO TRUE. can it feel this real????

@Nour04 i even feel like i want and like the scenarios i imagine to check and test

@Nour04 People with hocd can feel at times that they're 100% gay, its not uncommon:) I've been dealing with this theme on and off for an extremely long time. Denial thinking is common too. This is going to sound scary, but maybe a good thing for you to do erp to is to read a story where someone actually was in denial and try your best to just read it like it were a math problem (passively). You gotta stop the compulsive checking though sis, trust me I've been there and it will leave you in this illness for years