- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
No, it means your doing good in recovery
- Date posted
- 3y
but i'm not even in therapy! and i still feel like i am in denial
- Date posted
- 3y
Yes I also not in therapy so this could be denial
- Date posted
- 3y
@HOCD SUFFER what do you mean? that i am in denial?????
- Date posted
- 3y
@Nour04 No it doesn’t mean that. I also experience this, sometimes I freak out and other times it’s not so bad. It doesn’t mean you’re in denial? I am also not in therapy but I manage to handle my hocd much better than before. For me, it’s because I don’t pay attention to the thoughts
- Date posted
- 3y
You can still recover without therapy
- Date posted
- 3y
When I first developed this theme, I felt like a shell of myself. I was living, but internally I was just miserable, terrified, and lost. As time went on, and I found resources online that told me about ERP, and the techniques associated with that, I got a lot better, I don’t even have that theme anymore. Just because I’m better, doesn’t mean I was in denial. What commonly happens with this theme, and many others, is we use the distress and misery as EVIDENCE that we are not the thing we’re afraid of being (i.e. gay/bi). This is called the backdoor spike. I was never in therapy either, but education and growth can really help with OCD - that isn’t to say that you’re over it just yet, but you’re improving and that is a GOOD THING, don’t fear it.
- Date posted
- 3y
So you feel normal again, like no more groinals and arousal, gosh that’s a life I’m trying to get back, I’m starting to feel better because I’ve been sitting with everything ocd throws at me to “convince me”
- Date posted
- 3y
well exactly, lately it's been less and less anxiety, and less and less nausea, which makes it feel more real and like i actually want it and fantasize about it rather than it being checking and testing. it feels so much more real and as if i like the thoughts. at least back when i used to throw up at the image of women genitalia, i knew i didn't like it but now it's far more confusing because it feels wayyyy more real
- Date posted
- 3y
@Nour04 Omggggggg this is my exact situation
- Date posted
- 3y
@dylen i am so sorry we don't deserve this. are you okay do you need to vent? i am always here for you <3
- Date posted
- 3y
@Nour04 I only really have one thing that rllllllllyyyyyyyyy bothers me, say when I’m masturbating and I’m trying to think of girls, a gay thought will pop up and I’ll feel an orgasm coming and it feels so real when it happens and the arousal feels real to like wtf
- Date posted
- 3y
@dylen Sounds like your amygdala activated the fear response and heightened your state of arousal here if it happened super quick
- Date posted
- 3y
@alexisrae1999 the same happens to me! i even orgasmed to it!! and sometimes i would just say "think about" , just that, not even thinking about anything just saying that makes me more aroused(?)
- Date posted
- 3y
@Nour04 Its a good thing that the anxiety is going away! Sounds like you're experiencing a backdoor spike, you don't have to be in therapy to get better if you're doing research on how to properly do erp and combat your compulsions. If youre still concerned with your levels of attraction/arousal to any gender, that's what's holding you back. The checking. You might need to in essence "surrender" your sexuality in order to give your ocd the middle finger
- Date posted
- 3y
@Nour04 I think its the fact that your mind definitely knows which reaction you want to whatever scenario you're imagining. You should stop the checking, maybe if you're going to masturbate you should try just focusing on the feeling and not think of anything else (something and ex boyfriend told me when he was going through what probably was scrupulosity)
- Date posted
- 3y
@alexisrae1999 it's just so hard because the past 2 days i have felt like i am truly attracted to girls and i want that and all of it is denial and it feels SO TRUE. can it feel this real????
- Date posted
- 3y
@Nour04 i even feel like i want and like the scenarios i imagine to check and test
- Date posted
- 3y
@Nour04 People with hocd can feel at times that they're 100% gay, its not uncommon:) I've been dealing with this theme on and off for an extremely long time. Denial thinking is common too. This is going to sound scary, but maybe a good thing for you to do erp to is to read a story where someone actually was in denial and try your best to just read it like it were a math problem (passively). You gotta stop the compulsive checking though sis, trust me I've been there and it will leave you in this illness for years
- Date posted
- 3y
I know you're having a tough time with it @Nour04, but I've gone through this too, I still am. But there are times my attractions come back after I stop giving in. Most of yesterday I didn't have attraction to men which is awesome it was the first time in forever! But unforunately I got overly cocky and tested with porn and got off to a guys penis and I panicked like hell. But I think of it this way, I in my life have gotten off when having sex with my past gf's much quicker when having sex in places that I wasnt supposed to. Because it made me anxious, and felt wrong, it was easier to get off. I'm sure it's very similar here.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 16w
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
- Date posted
- 16w
Idk if this post is even worth it but it seemed like a normal day for me, called off work due to the weather so I get to just stay home and play games all day. Easy day besides dealing with the constant and unbearable battle with my intrusive thoughts/feelings. Took a shower and I just had constant thoughts, (heart palpitations are pretty constant) ended up breaking down and bawling my eyes out. I was diagnosed with HOCD and ROCD about 2 months ago and since it's just gotten worse. It feels as real as it can get and after talking to my girlfriend about the anxiety attack, it feels even more real. I have no desire or enjoyment from what comes from my brain, and at this point I'm on my knees begging the big man upstairs for my old life back, how do I go from being obsessed with women (sexually and emotionally) to pretty much doing a 180 overnight (with the obvious anxiety and worry behind it. No real desire obviously). I'm just at a loss, I've done a little ERP and it seemed to help with the brain fog but besides that, everything that it does to someone, I have. And again there's the doubt I even have OCD and I'm in straight denial. It just sucks.
- Date posted
- 8w
I am 15 years old and my POCD feels like its not POCD, i feel like i like my intrusive thoughts, but i have more intrusive thoughts about having intrusive thoughts, and i feel like i cant enjoy the things i normally enjoy anymore, like calling with my girlfriend and joking with her because this is still in the back of my mind, its making me question morals and if i ever even viewed P as completely wrong and i hate this so much, i love my nieces and nephews and when they're over i know id never do anything with my intrusive thoughts but when they arent present i feel like i like my thoughts. Before this i was dealing with HOCD and ROCD and i wish i could go back to that
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