wait aren't compulsions done to alleviate the distress caused by the thoughts? that being said then checking and testing aren't compulsions right? and imagining scenarios isn't either. so is this not hocd? am i just in denial???

it all feels so real it does feel like i want it and like it i can't anymore

@Nour04 i used to feel the same and on some days i do. i just remember who i was before this. i was BOY CRAZY. sexuality isn’t something that just changes over night. the best way is to accept uncertainty. thats the only way you will get better. its scary but TRUST me when i say it helps a lot

@ocdomi but i wasn't that boy crazy before, and i was a tomboy. it just feels like i truly want it like if this is hocd why does it feel so real? shouldn't i be considered to be in denial then???

@Nour04 i cant tell you whether or not you are in denial. being a tomboy doesnt mean anything. my little brother used to dress up as a disney princess when he was younger but he is the straightest person i have ever met. if you dont want to be in a relationship with a girl then dont force yourself to. the brain is just an organ. dont let it dictate how you live your life. if ocd didnt feel as real as you are saying rn then it wouldnt be in the top 10 most distressing disorders. stop giving the ocd reasons to stay alive. ocd has the power to do anything BUT change who you are so dont let it. if you need any tips on how to start please lmk. im not an expert but i really want to help you

@ocdomi thank you so much! it just feels harder because i am undiagnosed which makes me doubt further more whether or not this is hocd or just denial. just a quick question, why can't you tell me? is it something i don't want to hear??

@Nour04 the reason i cant tell you is cause im not you. you cant trust a random person on the internet to tell you something so personal. not a single person knows whether or not another person is in denial. the only thing i can tell you is that most people in denial feel some sort of comfort with the thoughts but feel ashamed because of societal pressures. if you dont see yourself being happy being with a woman then dont force yourself down that path just cause of what your thoughts are telling you. im also not diagnosed so i get scared at times but i know that i have never even thought of women in a romantic light before this started so i am holding onto that. we wont know our sexuality until we are recovered. even then we may have to live a life of uncertainty. stop trying to figure out your sexuality rn when your mind is in such a cloudy place and it will only cause you more distress. do you have any other questions?

@ocdomi thank you so much! it still scares me immensely though, the "possibility" that i could be attracted to women. i don't want that though. anw how are you? are you okay? do you need anything? and thank you for all your amazing replies and for putting up with me <3

@Nour04 im also so terrified of the possibility so im trying my hardest to get out of this mess. im doing much better than i was a couple months ago. watching youtube videos and educating myself on hocd has helped a ton. im just letting the thoughts sit in my head. im slowly getting back to a better place