i do not feel that much distress towards the thoughts, nor anxiety, which makes them feel so much more wanted :( it all feels like i desire it, and the checks feel like fantasies not just tests :( i don't feel like this is hocd anymore, i don't get severe headaches or nausea, i feel like i can just "stop" thinking about them and that they're neither intrusive nor obsessive. it feels like i would like doing stuff to girls and being with them, but i really don't want to!

i am so sorry for all the trouble and annoyance i have been causing by posting so much on here, it's just because lately it's been feeling super real and like the thoughts are wanted and desired

@Nour04 there is absolutely no need to apologize. we are all going through the same thing and i completely understand your distress. you always say “i dont want to like girls” you are answering your own question. i think the reason there is no anxiety is cause you have been experiencing this for so long that you aren’t surprised when the thoughts pop up. you have become numb. stop listening the the feelings because they are only feelings. if you dont want to be with a girl then thats not you. you still have anxiety cause you are freaking out about not having anxiety thats the backdoor spike. the thoughts can feel as real as it gets. thats why ocd is such a terrible disorder cause it makes your deepest fears feel like reality. please try watching some youtube videos on this topic because it will help you tremendously.

@ocdomi thank you so much again and again and again! i am so sorryi keep on posting, it's just that at this point i can't even tell what i want anymore😂but yeah you're right. it's just crazy how self-aware i am. each time i feel new compulsions or obsessions surging, i tell kyself not to "fake" it in order to "prove" i have ocd. lmao i sound crazy but yeah

@Nour04 you dont sound crazy at all!! i do the same thing😭😭 its crazy how we know that we dont want it but our mind does it so that it feels like we do. based on what i have rrad from you the past couple of weeks, its kinda obvious you have hocd. accept the uncertainty cause no matter how hard you try hocd will always come up with another what if question

@ocdomi thank you so much!! it's just crazy how real it can feel sometimes! anw how are you today??

@Nour04 im doing pretty good! i had this one thought that really scared me but i just accepted the uncertainty and moved on with my day

@ocdomi great i should practice that too hahahaha

@Nour04 trust me, it makes your life a lot easier to deal with and gives you a lot more clarity

thank you!!! how are you do you need to vent??

@Nour04 today's been pretty stressful unfortunately, it feels like my thoughts are jumping around so much which makes me wonder if I'm actually trying to "fake it" this time. but at the same time I got a new intrusive thought that's been stressing me out. :/ it's also my first day on medication for all this so that's an extra layer of uncertainty for the day.

@ravnhrtd37 oww i am sorry you're going through this. it's awful, just know i am here for you if you ever need anything

@Nour04 Thanks. : ) same here