+18 nsfw I have a fetish and I dont want it anymore. Because it makes my ocd so much worse and sometimes I get intrusive thoughts involving situations where it's from an abusive dynamic or involves a kid or an animal or whatever and it scares me so so bad when it happens and I'm scared bc it's my fetish ill be into it regardless and as soon as the thoughts hit its full on freakout mode. I want to get rid of it so I don't have this pain anymore but it's getting worse and unbareable. I'm forcing myself to think the thoughts sometimes to 'test' if I'm into it and then I get more scared. One time after an intrusive thought had subsided I got the actual urge to masturbate to my fetish geniunely. Not involving the thought but just in general. And after I did I felt so guilty because I worried I may have been turned on by the thought. I try to ignore it or let it go or stop it by not interacting with it and then my fetish comes into my dreams and sometimes it's related to the intrusive thoughts too and I'll ruminate in the dream and I wake up feeling dirty and scared. Even when my intrusive thoughts don't happen just having this fetish makes me feel scared. I want it to stop and i feel like a sexual deviant and I dont know how to stop it. I was into it since I was a kid and I never grew out of it or even acknowledged it was a fetish until recent.

LuckyPink

Date posted: 4y

First of all, having a fetish doesn't make you a bad person. Second, testing yourself seems like you're feeding into your compulsions. Third, I don't know much about whatever fetish it is, but have you tried looking up other people's personal stories online about their experience with the fetish to get a better idea on where it might be coming from? You don't have to post on those groups' forums, just browse their comments.

💗Snoopy🌌

Date posted: 4y

I dont because I'm scared of it of feeding it I just want it to be gone. I think looking it up may make me spiral that I'm gross and perverted somehow. It's not a sexual thing on its own so it gets brought up time to time like in stories and stuff that my friends like and that makes me freak out and so I want it to be gone.

💗Snoopy🌌

Date posted: 4y

@creature I'm scared the reason I'm into it may be predatory because my ocd focuses on me being a predator

🍄

Date posted: 4y

I’ve had situations like these that are just very overwhelming and messy. I suggest really just taking a break from all these things and clearing your mind through meditation or something like that. And I totally get you with the dream thing sometimes I end up doing things when I’m half asleep to my dreams when they aren’t even sexual at all. It can set me back a lot but we have to remember to accept these events for what happened as far as your knowledge and not try to analyze what “really happened”.

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