hi! i just want to share this to show people that it will eventually get better. so i’ve had this theme for a a couple years now but it was on and off i would come if something triggered me bad. this time around it came back a few months ago and it was awful i spent days crying and so upset about my thoughts but then i decided i had to stop doing compulsions even though it was extremely hard i stopped doing as much compulsions as i could and i did and i feel so much better. like my thoughts aren’t nearly as extreme i feel so free and much happier! my advice to you guys would be to start cutting down compulsions i know it can be very difficult but it is doable. also sitting in the uncertainty helped me tremendously! wishing you all the best!

yes! that’s super normal with ocd it loves to dig up your past or “evidence” to “prove” things but in reality it’s just what ocd does and it has no meaning to it.

@sb12367 I feel like my evidence is actually very important though...I’ve masturbated to lesbian porn and one time, to a girls body.

@sb12367 How can I possible ignore that?

@missbluesky what i did was i just sat through the uncertainty. i know people with ocd have a lot of trouble with that because we want to be certain about it but what you can do is say to yourself “i am not going to try to figure out what this means or what i did in the past, the past is in the past and i’m not going to worry about things i did in the past” so when you get triggered by past thoughts sit in the anxiety feelings of them and the more you have no reactions to the thoughts the more better you will become with handling the thoughts and the more they aren’t going to bother you!

@sb12367 But isn’t that denial? If I don’t acknowledge these clearly gay things?

@missbluesky well that’s the uncertainty you might be in denial or you might not. you can acknowledge the thoughts but then that’s when ruminating comes into play and that’s a compulsion. you need to sit in the uncertainty of your thoughts because nothing is ever certain and trying to figure out your thoughts just get you even more stuck

@sb12367 no:( let’s not talk like that. i don’t want to give too much reassurance but if you have anxiety about being gay and hate the thought of it you aren’t gay, you just have ocd.

@sb12367 But I have way too much evidence that I’m at least bisexual

@missbluesky like i said ocd loves to get “evidence”. ocd can feel so real that you actually think it’s real. i’m sorry you are going through this you aren’t alone and after you get treatment things will start to feel better.

i stopped looking things up on the internet, stopped asking for reassurance, stopped trying to figure out what my intrusive thoughts meant. i do have some compulsions that i still struggle with but definitely don’t do a lot anymore! just stay away from looking things up on the internet and learn to sit in the uncertainty more!