tw for thought-provoking content please proceed with caution if you're struggling bad with pocd i think what makes it really hard for me to get over this is that the imagined line between pocd and being a pedo with morals in denial is thin. at least that's how i see it rn.

Kylena

Date posted: 3y

Tonight I sat with my feelings. I remembered a childhood experience that created a fear of absent caregivers. Which now manifest as absent romantic partners. I am currently not doing any kinds of reassurance. Just sitting with the discomfort of being by myself. Lol, I'm doing this activity which makes me feel.connected to people. I will stop now and just sit with my feelings. Good luck to you both just sitting with the root feeling behind these ideas.

hope

Date posted: 3y

this is what truly haunts me. i know i don’t ever want to hurt any child and these are just obsessive intrusive thoughts that cause uncomfortableness, but of course my brain says the same thing “what if you’re just in denial!!!” and all these scary questions and it makes me feel so horrible inside. it does the same thing with my other themes too. that line scares me, it hunts me. it doesn’t cause me any joy having these intrusive thoughts, they make me scared, so that makes me feel like yes, this is definitely ocd. but then that question of “but what if you just have good morals” comes up and i get anxiety. it’s never ending rumination and torture...

Kylena

Date posted: 3y

I hear you hope. I've used the word torture to describe my intrusive thoughts as well. I msged my therapist last night just to check with her that I'm doing the treatment right because I felt the urge to replace the intrusive thoughts with another behaviour to reduce the discomfort I was feeling when I was just sitting with the feeling. I recognised it and I continued to sit with the discomfort. It took a very long time for me to get to sleep. I'm very fortunate ATM that for another reason I'm home off work so I didn't have to worry about not sleeping. It feels like the therapy is working for me. Yes my body is kinda screemimg at me atm. My ears are ringing, my heart rate is up, I'm shallow breathing. I'm getting dehydrated. All string signs of distress. The treatment is to allow the distress. Allow it. The solution to not needing that intrusive thinking is to allow the underlying feeling and all the physical sensations that come with it. I have hope. I have belief that by doing this, by allowing the distress I am reprogramming my brain to me more peaceful. It doesn't need the reassurance. It can handle it. And when nothing goes wrong it will learn to relax and not fear the thing I've been affraid of since I was 8 years old. This feels empowering. Give it a try. Good luck. I wish you all the health you deserve.

hope

Date posted: 3y

@Kylena wow thank you for this! you’re truly insightful and i totally agree. not responding to the thoughts and just letting them flow, even if they’re horrible and scream for your attention, it’s more beneficial in the long run than replacing the thought or ruminating and doing compulsions. :) i wish you peace from this disorder, a happier future with no more stress. i also have those symptoms you described as well do to OCD, it’s so hard, i feel your pain. we got this though, we can only get stronger from here. :)

Kylena

Date posted: 3y

@hope Oh I'm so happy to read this that I've helped you. Blessings for both of us! ❤️🤗

9jewels

Date posted: 3y

Me too. I said something the other day rather uncharacteristic of me and I felt awful about it and still do but my brain is making me feel irredeemable and a bad person. The line is ultra thin

Wessers19

Date posted: 24w

Could being exposed to content as a kid affected me in this way?

Trying not to seek reassurance, but rather connect the dots on my OCD and possible reasons as to why I am the way I am. I have severe OCD (or at least I hope I do) mainly surrounding POCD. I've had symptoms of OCD the majority of my life but this theme has come up more recently. When I was a kid, and i'm talking 6-7, I was first exposed to some really gross adult content online. It was introduced to me by a friend of mine around the same age of me. I saw some really disgusting things that a 6-7 year old should definitely not see. This was not a one time occurrence, as I had been exposed to taboo topics online years to come after that, such as the same friend introducing me to Omegle... And i'm sure you can imagine how that went, theres a lot of genuinely disgusting human beings on there. Coming back to the reason for making this post; is it possible to early exposure to this content could be one of the reasons I struggle with POCD? It genuinely scares me to death because you hear that real p*dos dealt with simular situations when they were kids, so thats kind of making me feel that this could be more than OCD, and I could be a genuinely bad person. My POCD feels so real, that at times i'm fully convinced its not OCD. Sometimes I can't even distinguish the feelings of attraction between a younger person and an older person, except for the feeling of anxiety and fear. Its really hard to explain without going into detail, but it just feels so real. Some feedback on this would be great, thank you all.

Anonymous

Date posted: 15w

I'm struggling with POCD it's causing me to feel very unsafe

I'm struggling with pocd it feels very real and I'm at a point where I feel I need to go to confess to the police stuff I know I haven't done but have false memories of doing and I feel like nobody thinks like this and very alone.

TurbulentSaq112

Date posted: 12w

POCD without guilt or shame

I am 15 years old and my POCD feels like its not POCD, i feel like i like my intrusive thoughts, but i have more intrusive thoughts about having intrusive thoughts, and i feel like i cant enjoy the things i normally enjoy anymore, like calling with my girlfriend and joking with her because this is still in the back of my mind, its making me question morals and if i ever even viewed P as completely wrong and i hate this so much, i love my nieces and nephews and when they're over i know id never do anything with my intrusive thoughts but when they arent present i feel like i like my thoughts. Before this i was dealing with HOCD and ROCD and i wish i could go back to that

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tw for thought-provoking content please proceed with caution if you're struggling bad with pocd i think what makes it really hard for me to get over this is that the imagined line between pocd and being a pedo with morals in denial is thin. at least that's how i see it rn.

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