feethebee
- Date posted
- 4y
KylenaKylena
- Date posted
- 4y
Tonight I sat with my feelings. I remembered a childhood experience that created a fear of absent caregivers. Which now manifest as absent romantic partners. I am currently not doing any kinds of reassurance. Just sitting with the discomfort of being by myself. Lol, I'm doing this activity which makes me feel.connected to people. I will stop now and just sit with my feelings. Good luck to you both just sitting with the root feeling behind these ideas.
hopehope
- Date posted
- 4y
this is what truly haunts me. i know i don’t ever want to hurt any child and these are just obsessive intrusive thoughts that cause uncomfortableness, but of course my brain says the same thing “what if you’re just in denial!!!” and all these scary questions and it makes me feel so horrible inside. it does the same thing with my other themes too. that line scares me, it hunts me. it doesn’t cause me any joy having these intrusive thoughts, they make me scared, so that makes me feel like yes, this is definitely ocd. but then that question of “but what if you just have good morals” comes up and i get anxiety. it’s never ending rumination and torture...
KylenaKylena
- Date posted
- 4y
I hear you hope. I've used the word torture to describe my intrusive thoughts as well. I msged my therapist last night just to check with her that I'm doing the treatment right because I felt the urge to replace the intrusive thoughts with another behaviour to reduce the discomfort I was feeling when I was just sitting with the feeling. I recognised it and I continued to sit with the discomfort. It took a very long time for me to get to sleep. I'm very fortunate ATM that for another reason I'm home off work so I didn't have to worry about not sleeping. It feels like the therapy is working for me. Yes my body is kinda screemimg at me atm. My ears are ringing, my heart rate is up, I'm shallow breathing. I'm getting dehydrated. All string signs of distress. The treatment is to allow the distress. Allow it. The solution to not needing that intrusive thinking is to allow the underlying feeling and all the physical sensations that come with it. I have hope. I have belief that by doing this, by allowing the distress I am reprogramming my brain to me more peaceful. It doesn't need the reassurance. It can handle it. And when nothing goes wrong it will learn to relax and not fear the thing I've been affraid of since I was 8 years old. This feels empowering. Give it a try. Good luck. I wish you all the health you deserve.
hopehope
- Date posted
- 4y
@Kylena wow thank you for this! you’re truly insightful and i totally agree. not responding to the thoughts and just letting them flow, even if they’re horrible and scream for your attention, it’s more beneficial in the long run than replacing the thought or ruminating and doing compulsions. :) i wish you peace from this disorder, a happier future with no more stress. i also have those symptoms you described as well do to OCD, it’s so hard, i feel your pain. we got this though, we can only get stronger from here. :)
KylenaKylena
- Date posted
- 4y
@hope Oh I'm so happy to read this that I've helped you. Blessings for both of us! ❤️🤗
9jewels9jewels
- Date posted
- 4y
Me too. I said something the other day rather uncharacteristic of me and I felt awful about it and still do but my brain is making me feel irredeemable and a bad person. The line is ultra thin
Related posts
Givenup
- Date posted
- 21w
Pocd and my situation
Youtubers are constantly getting accused of doing p*dophilic activity and its making me think my real events are as bad or as worse as them... Ive vented a lot to a lot of people in the PM's about my OCD... some of them younger (minors)... because I wanted reassurance from everyone and anyone... but this situation triggers me the most because I was venting about my 18+ HOCD situations... In an HOCD support group I was in, I vented to 2 minors in the PM's about my 18+ HOCD situations... The leader of the support group (that i vented to) was 17... I was 19 at the time... the other minor i vented to was younger (14-15)... the younger one told me she was uncomfortable when i vented to her in the PM's twice... i stopped and blocked her after she told me the second time... i kept asking the leader of the support group for reassurance for my 18+ HOCD situations for months because she kept giving me reassurance... i thought she was cute but didnt pursue her because of my age... i dont ever want to ever be a P or a MAP or a groomer in any way... I keep getting this gut feeling in my stomach that i "flirted" with the younger one that I vented to, who i blocked after she told me twice she was uncomfortable about me venting about my 18+ hocd situations... i didnt ever vent to them for malicious intent... I was trying to get reassurance for my hocd... Plus my pocd keeps saying I cant have any opinions online because of my pocd and real events ocd situations and that Im not a good person so I cant say anything online... Also i keep getting intrusive thoughts of people labelling me as a P and a MAP in the future because of these pocd real events... And i keep getting intrusive thoughts of being outcasted and "cancelled" online when someone "exposes" me for my POCD and real events OCD...
emma345
- Date posted
- 21w
Pocd and accepting uncertainty
17f So basically I think you know this whole accept and sit with the uncertainty thing. It applies to pocd as well. Because you can ruminate, test yourself, seek reassurance as much as you want but it will never be enough for you brain to be sure you are not a P. So you need to sit with "Maybe I am a P maybe not" and just don't do anything about it. So sometimes I can do that. But here comes moral ocd. If I accept the chanse of me being a pedophile, isn't it morally wrong for me to be around children? Look at children? Watch movies with children in it? Cause now I can't even look at children even if it was an accident without freaking out and thinking that I'm a monster. Sometimes it feels morally wrong to leave the house because there is a chanse I can meet a child on the street I genuinely don't know what to do. It feels paralyzing at this point. Seems like I can't do anything. Like I even need to cover children on the screen with my hand when I watch a movie. It's exhausting.
Shaodidi
- Date posted
- 20w
I can’t tell wether or not I have pocd
Tw Fyi I have not been diagnosed with pocd, but many people say that I have it, So I was m#sturbating to regular p#rn, beforehand I kept telling myself that I don’t like kids and that I won’t m#strivate to them, when I started finishing to the video, thoughts of kids flashed in my head, idk if it means anything or not, but I didn’t feel any shame, disgust, worry, dread, or panic. I know that I’m supposed to feel that, but I’m worried that it wasn’t pocd, but a reflection of what I actually want because they came as I started finishing. Idk if I enjoyed the thoughts or not, but I’m worried I do because I was finishing while having them. I also know that neutrality towards those thoughts is a sign of pedophilia, I don’t wish to like kids nor do I ever want to m#sturbate to them, but now I’m worried I am a pedo because I didn’t feel dread, panic, disgust, or shame after finishing. Idk if it was a reflection of what I actually want or not, but I don’t want to finish to kids, I think I don’t want to, but idk if I actually do or not. I don’t understand myself and I don’t know if what I have is pocd or not, even though so many ppl said that I have it, even my therapist when my therapist gave me a short diagnosis. I also felt a wave of relief after I finished, idk why I felt that but the thoughts also went away, it make me think that those thoughts while I was climaxing was a reflection of what I actually wanted. Can someone please give me some advice on this stuff? (edited) Also ever since the start of all of this I felt a sense of attraction towards some kids I've seen, I keep looking back on those memories to see if I was actually attracted or not, I can't figure it out, I hope it was all false attraction, I can't tell if I want the feeling or not.
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