Sometimes I wonder if God hates me, maybe because He gave me OCD, or maybe because He will never forgive my thoughs even tho I want them gone, my theme isn't scrupulosity OCD, but I do feel like a monter, one that even God can't forgive. I really want this to stop, and I am so ashamed to ask for help, I don't think I even deserve help.

Hi there. I’m so sorry you are going through this. I know sometimes that I wonder why I have OCD and it hasn’t been taken away from me. There are all kinds of issues in the world because it’s a messed up, fallen place with disease and injuries and other things. I hope you have a doctor you can talk to but please don’t think that God will be mad if you end up needing to talk to someone or need medicine if your doctor reccommends some. God gave us people in this world as doctors to help. It says several times in the Bible about God’s prophets giving others medicine and going to doctors instead of just healing them. But God does not hate you. Sometimes we don’t know why things aren’t taken away or healed but just like a person may have a physical ailment and take a pain reliever, it is okay if you ever need to talk to a therapist or take medicine for this. I know you said that you don’t have scrupulosity OCD but I thought that this might help. These are coping statements for those with scrupulosity, I found it on a website called accounselling.org and it’s helped me a lot. These I hope can bring you some relief, because I too thought my thoughts couldn’t be forgiven. This has brought me a lot of comfort: -Even though they feel real, intrusive thoughts (i.e., distressing thoughts or images with violent, sexual, or blasphemous content) say nothing about my true character. -The goal of the intrusive thoughts is to shock and scare me so I try to suppress or “fix” them. My goal is to identify them as “intrusive thoughts” and move on instead of fighting with them. -Having an intrusive thought does not make it more likely for me to act on it. -God understands that intrusive thoughts are distressing to me. He understands OCD better than anyone! -OCD wants me to believe that worry, anxiety, and compulsions will protect me spiritually. That is all part of the trick OCD wants me to believe. -OCD wants me to fight with my thoughts and try to control and suppress them. OCD knows that by getting distressed and fighting with the thoughts I will refill the “gas tank” in the obsessional engine and keep it running. -Trying to prevent myself from ever having certain thoughts, images, and feelings only makes them worse. -One of OCD’s biggest tricks is asking me the question, “What if this fear isn’t from OCD and it really is a serious issue?” -Whenever this thought (or one similar) comes, I will treat it as OCD and not try to figure it out. I will pray to God for grace and strength to accept/move on from intrusive thoughts without figuring them out and fight doing compulsions, neutralizing, or avoiding. -My goal is to “starve” OCD by not giving meaning to intrusive thoughts or doing compulsions. I have two choices: (1) to chase after a feeling of certainty that never comes or (2) to choose to move forward through the uncertainty. -My goal is to focus on doing the tasks that I need to be doing in the present moment (studying, cooking, talking to a friend, working) instead of focusing on trying to figure out the uncertainty or fear. -I need to focus on the present moment and allow my thoughts to come and go. -Trying to figure it all out only makes it worse. -God understands that I don’t understand -Faith is not the absence of feeling uncertain. Faith is going forward through the uncertainty. -OCD wants me to believe that uncertainty and doubt are dangerous. While uncertainty is uncomfortable, it is not dangerous, and I can tolerate it. -My faith is what I believe, not what I feel. -Feelings are not facts. -OCD will always bring up another What if . . . ? Trying to nail down all of the What if . . . ? questions will lead me down a path of never feeling good enough or certain enough. -I can have faith and still feel uncertain. Mark 9:24, “…Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.” -God loves me completely, even when my feelings are uncertain and clouded by doubt. -My peace with God is not based on my feelings. Rather, as Romans 5:1 says, “Therefore being justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ:” Therefore, I am at peace with God because of Jesus whether my feelings agree or not. Sorry this is such a long comment. I feel for you, I hope you are doing ok. God bless you

This message was awesome. Thank you!