I got fucking backfired today about an exposure I did a few days ago. I'm afraid to be constantly listened to through my camera smartphone. So in order to prove to myself that's bullshit I feel the URGE to pop the camera up and say awful things toward myself or people I care about, but once I do it I feel so bad I'm so scared someone could hurt the people I mentioned it's awful no one not experiencing OCD could understand the triggers, the inner fight between your soul and your heart. Anyway, a few days ago I decided to say awful things and this time it was my mother who was related to my saying. At first it felt good but has anyone already made a compulsion, felt better but then did a compulsion as if this one was the one you literally CROSSED the line. It often happens to me but each time I feel like I crossed the line I know I go in hell for several days before getting away of this place. I'm gonna say awful things using my camera now (even tho again I don't record anything I just faint to make a video sayings horrible stuff. What should I do? Am I right to expose myself or is it a bad thing to me it's good because I have to face my fear and I'm not afraid to do it but the guilt is fierce man. Hope I could have some advice from people who understand this shitty ocd stuff. Thanks for having read it hop yall get better soon 🙋‍♂️.

Hi! Does anyone experience guilt about doing exposures? Like if my OCD is right and now I’m going to get possessed or cause this terrible thing to happen it will be my fault. And also prove that my brain DOES have that power which is so scary. I just did an exposure and I feel so worried about my fears coming true and the people I love (& me) getting hurt because of it. How do you get past this? It feels like I shouldn’t do exposures because it’s selfish.

I worry people might get the wrong idea when I share this but I must post it because I’m scared so basically this is gonna sound weird but I have always sorta been a violent kid but in a normal way if that makes sense like if someone tris over I would find the ridiculously funny but what kinda confuses me is when loved ones hurt themselves I laugh it’s not like I’m putting it on idk I just randomly laugh and i find funny please don’t think I’m a bad person because I’m really not and I’m scared abt this but that’s not the point of this story so I will get to the pint now so basically I was walking upstairs and I hit my head on the door and my mum laughed at me and I said “its not funny I hit my head” and she said something else that made me angry I can’t remember and then I started to charge at her like I was gonna hit her or something and it scared me cuz I wanted to push her or something ( not harmful just like as a back off kinda thing) which I know it’s horrible writing it out but then while I had that urge to push it her or something I also got a groinal so then OCD was like ”you were gonna s3xualy attack just then and you liked it” and now I’m to scared to go near her just in case it happens again cuz I’ve been in a spiral for days now, again please don’t tell me I’m a bad person cuz I already feel like that cuz writing it out it sounds worse then it is irl im sorry if this was triggering and please reply and tell me your thoughts on this.

I shouldn’t have done this (trigger trigger trigger!!) So about a month ago..maybe I watched this video (as a compulsion to prove to myself) The video was called “interview with a p3d0” And basically it was what it says, I watched or more like listened to half of it…after I was disgusted by the person, but now all I can think of is every little thing I do, I feel as if tho I’m monitoring every thought/moment and feeling I have it’s torturous and I hate it..I feel disgusting, the person in the video has empathy and sympathy and had those feelings yk, I can’t explain it you’d have to watch the video yourself but please don’t it will ruin your journey…I feel more hopeless then before, my OCD is telling me so many things trying to convince me things that Ik aren’t true, I’m just really scared I don’t want to be that person I want to be a good cousin and person to my family, I’m sick of my head and myself, I’m so tired that sometimes I can’t even think straight, my head is always in pain and idek how to help myself..compulsions have been becoming more and more exhausting… I need advice or even someone to relate to, I understand I shouldn’t have done what I did but idk how to forget it.. I had made this post already but when someone replied I couldn’t see it for some reason so I’m uploading it again