now why is it that whenever i try imagining scenarios with women, not even sex just cuddling and stuff, i imagine myself happy and liking it, and there's no anxiety. like what if i really want it? what if it's true? i can't even tell if i want it or not anymore. is this even hocd at this point? someone please reply it feels like i want it :(

You're imagining it too much, so you've desensitized yourself to it, therefore less anxiety. But its a compulsion, you're checking to see if you like it. Girl you gotta stop that, you're feeding your OCD, it WANTS you to do that. You probably feel a ton better when you don't do compulsions right? That's the only reassurance I am going to give you lol, that you'll feel better once ya stop feeding the OCD. Im rooting for you sis, please take care of yourself

Stop imagining...you are just feeding your compulsion! Try one thing just stop imagining for a while.

First thing you are complaining about it... you're having fearful thought about it...dear its the prime sign that you dont want it!

https://youtube.com/channel/UCX7a7Ydw1-lZq-cwHkeND2Q He helped me get free from hocd