I am struggling a lot with guilt regarding my relationship. When I have intrusive thoughts regarding my sexuality, it feels like I am considering leaving my boyfriend. This makes me feel unfaithful because we have always been so committed to each other. I feel like such an awful girlfriend and accepting uncertainty only makes it worse for me because it feels like accepting that I might not love him. I hate this so much, and I want to go back to my old self. A few years ago I would’ve laughed at you if you told me that I’d go through this because I was so boy crazy and never considered that I might not be straight. I miss my old self. I feel like my brain is telling me I have to be someone I don’t want to be, and I have no control. I would really appreciate any advice anyone can give.

Thank you for saying that because this problem can feel so isolating. Are you still struggling with this or are you in recovery? Thank you again for taking the time to respond :)

@Anonymous So I would say I have more days than not where I am doing better. But don’t get me wrong the thoughts are still there! Sometimes I forget how far I’ve come from not being able to leave my bedroom. There are good days and bad days. But it’s all very hard🥺

@Eg2021 I’m so glad you’ve been doing better! It is so easy to forget how far you’ve come. This started a few months ago and I had to move back home from college for a few weeks because that’s how bad this was. I’ve definitely made significant progress but I just want to be completely better. We will get through this.

My thoughts exactly.

That’s a good point. Has sitting with uncertainty helped you much?

@Anonymous Yes it deffinitely has. My compulsions make it a million times worse

@Anonymous That’s great to hear. Do you feel like you’re getting back to your normal self? That’s literally all I want.

@Anonymous Yes I’m getting there. It’s hard, and some days I really struggle, but I feel myself getting closer. And I’ve been in recovery before and have felt completely better

@Anonymous Thank you for giving me hope.

Thanks for responding. It’s the worst isn’t it? :(

Thank you. I wish it would go away. I hope it does eventually. It just is not a good way to live 😔

Same I hate the idea of accepting the thoughts because it feels like giving up and betraying who I am. Everyone says it’s the best option though :(

@Anonymous Best option to get over it you mean ?

@Ihateocd83 Yeah

I'm still struggling with this 😩. My mind still tells me I want to be with a man etc. Why ? 😒

@Ihateocd83 Are you with your same partner?

@MichelleV What do you mean....have we spoke before ??

@Ihateocd83 Sorry, no. Your post just mentioned your boyfriend. So I was trying to understand what you meant when you said you’re still struggling. I don’t mean to pry.

@MichelleV It's not my post lol. I commented on the post I'm struggling with what I think is soocd almost 4 years now been this bad 👎

@Ihateocd83 Oh I’m so sorry I completely didn’t see your username so I thought you were the OP.