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- 4y
- Date posted
- 4y
I suffer from contamination anxiety as well and I’m currently completing the NOCD ERP program and it has help immensely.
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- 4y
Did you find the ERP challenging? I have the same anxiety and I'm trying to do ERP but the distress I'm feeling is terrible.
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- 4y
@2621 Yes, I’ve had a ton of anxiety! But I’m really motivated by my values to work through this. I know the anxiety and uncertainty won’t kill me; and I know having OCD is killing my joy. So I’m choosing to sit in the uncertainty and the anxiety to persevere. I’ve been able to cut my hand washing in half in 3 weeks.
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- 4y
@Lisa Noelle Wow this is amazing to hear from someone going through it. I’m currently seeking therapy and yet to try ERP, but can I ask what has it been that’s working for you? How have you managed to cut your hand washing? I don’t seem to have that completion feeling that they’re ever clean (unless spending hours washing)
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- 4y
@Kels123 I’m working with incredible therapist on this site. We started off talking about how my OCD affects my daily life. How it affects my relationships, my job, my ability to function; and then we talked about my values. I had an information packet to read and share with family. I also had motivational paperwork to fill out. Honestly I’m just so tired of suffering and having my fear guide my decisions and my life. The only way to beat this monster is through sitting with the fear. My contamination is both chemical and biological. Today in ERP I covered my hands in Lysol, let it dry, and then ate food with my barehands. It was SO anxiety inducing and so exhausting. But after some time passes, you feel like you can do anything and overcome anything. Think about how you would actually like to spend your time and invest your energy; I bet it’s not in OCD and compulsions. Everytime you do a compulsion you are telling your brain it’s unsafe and you are only reinforcing that fear. This just repeats the cycle and feeds the monster. Everytime you are compelled to do a compulsion, put it off, sit in the uncertainty, and remember what your life would look like without OCD.
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- 4y
@Lisa Noelle Wow this has helped me more than you can know. Thanks so much. And how specifically did you cut the hand washing in half? Did you just stop and sit with it still feeling dirty? Does the feeling go away after a while? I’m at the point where the idea of not doing it ‘just right’ would mean it would be all i think about and I won’t want to touch anything!
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- 4y
@Kels123 I started tracking all of my compulsions. So everytime I wash my hands it’s a “submit”, everytime I get the urge and don’t wash my hands it’s a “resist”, and then everytime I wash my hands and then dirty them again on purpose it’s a “rexpose”. Tracking made me WAY more aware of my compulsions and I slowly over the weeks worked to fill up the resist side over the submit side. I also try to put off the compulsions as long as possible, and I try to prioritize when I wash my hands. The exposures help hugely! I touch door knobs, garbage cans, my bathroom fixtures, the bottom of my shoes, etc and then resist a hand wash and eat with my bare hands. The anxiety is brutal, but I just observe what I am feeling and I don’t try to change it. I awknowledge that the anxiety is a part of my experience, it is unpleasant and uncomfortable; but ultimately it is for a greater purpose and it won’t kill me. I’ve touched all these chemicals and dirty items that I would normally not even dream about touching and I’m not dead….yet! Lol. Feeling like a real boss bitch over here. You can do it too!
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- 4y
@Lisa Noelle Thanks for explaining what you did. I think you've got tons of courage to have done it.
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- 4y
I'm so sorry you have to deal with this. I have contamination OCD and it's horrible to cope with. I count to 20 because that's how long we're supposed to wash hands to kill covid. I usually end up doing it 2 or 3 times but it helps knowing experts have set this guideline. I also say the parts of my hands I'm washing, like palm, fingers, thumb, back of the hand and saying it out loud helps realize I've heard myself just say it before.
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- 4y
Yeah wow. I’d love to only be doing it two or three times though, mine has become such a problem I’m spending literally hours doing it. I’ve tried saying it out loud too but still I trick myself into thinking I’ve skipped a number. Thanks for sharing your experience though I appreciate it :)
Related posts
- Date posted
- 22w
I’m so scared. Part of me feels ok and part of me feels like I need to clean everything off. Basically my sweater had a stain on it from food it was newly washed but I decided to throw it in the wash again. While throwing it in the laundry basket I noticed a specific type of clothing that scares me. I quickly put the sweater on top of the used laundry and left. My phone was in the living room and I’m pretty constantly scared it will get contaminated by laundry I’m not sure why but that fear started randomly. Anyway I had to walk past the living room to wash my hands in the kitchen because someone had to use the bathroom badly and was waiting for me to just throw my laundry in to go to the bathroom. Anyway I’m scared I went near my phone or contaminated it with my hands. I can’t remember the details fully either but I just remember walking straight to the kitchen but I don’t know. I’m really scared and I want to clean everything like my phone and everything it was near. The thing is my fear is real because used laundry is so gross. What do I do? When throwing clean laundry in a basket should you wash your hands? Do most people? Even if the article of clothing isn’t dirty? Because maybe my hands accidentally went near the actual gross laundry I don’t know
- Date posted
- 20w
(Long post warning) Hi, I’ve been struggling with severe OCD for six years now. it started in 2019 with my theme being getting sick/emetophobia. it devastated my life. I almost didn’t graduate high school from it. I remember washing my hands for three hours one day until they were nearly bloody while crying and asking why I could not stop doing it. I remember id have to write and rewrite sentences when I did my English homework and that’s why I nearly failed that class. I remember how I would spend up to thirty minutes to an hour pacing the halls of my apartment while my mom was asleep until I neutralized the thoughts about throwing up and I could finally go to bed. I don’t know when it happened, but my theme switched. Sometimes in late 2020 or early 2021, it switched to POCD. It started with a single thought, and I focused on it and it’s been my theme since then for four years. It has been absolutely destroying me. I feel so disgusted and lost and just tired. My compulsions are severe now. I thought they were bad before, but now they’re ten times worse. I can’t eat, drink, change my clothes, walk, or even do things on my phone normally. I’ve developed so many mental compulsions that it’s so intricate and complicated yet at the same time I’ve done them so much that they’ve become normal. An example I have is if im putting on a shirt and I have a “bad” thought, I have to take it off and put it back on two more times (that’ll make it 3 times I put the shirt back on - odd numbers are my safe number). I have to have a good thought on the third time otherwise I have to take it off and put it on two more times to make it five times I put on that shirt. If not that then I just put on a different shirt because the original is now tainted with my bad thought. I can’t open apps on my phone. It’s with the numbers again. If I open TikTok once while having a bad thought - I have to close it and open it two more times and so on. Sometimes I do it up to 30 times. So I just don’t do things usually. I don’t turn on the TV because I know I’ll redo it. I don’t open a book or grab it off my shelf because I’ll have to repeat the action. I can’t even lay in bed without getting up and redoing it even if im exhausted. I just feel so helpless. I don’t know what to do. I feel disgusting and even now my minds screaming at me that I am dirty and what I think is true. I just wish I was free of this, I wish I could just live my life. I’ve wasted hours and days because of my compulsions. I mask it so well around my friends. I don’t do them in front of anyone or I’ve learned to hide it well. But when im back home alone, it goes haywire. I just want to live again.
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- 19w
Do any of you avoid cleaning because it makes you more anxious? I haven’t worn any makeup on in awhile except for my eyelashes and lipgloss , but after keeping them in my makeup bag for too long I get scared. I dropped these Bobby pins on the floor the other day in my bathroom and mind u I haven’t done a full bathroom clean since I left for Florida on the 6th and I came back the 13th. The Bobby pins were still clipped on the paper package (if that makes sense) and I didn’t touch the floor fully but the side of my finger touched the floor. I don’t think I immediately washed my hands after but eventually I did. I ended up getting some lipliner from my makeup bag and I purposely didn’t overwash my hands bc I’m trying to be better about not excessively washing them. I feel like touching the floor and not washing my hands right away caused a flare up. I do wanna put on a full face of makeup but I’m scared that I’ll get a wart or an infection on my face. I know I’ve talked about this numerous amounts of times but I had a wart the first week of February and sometimes I feel like the virus is still on the floor. I haven’t soft scrubbed the floor but I’ve used a lot of Clorox wipes to wipe the floor. Like I said though, I haven’t washed my floors since Florida and I think it’s just anxiety. I’m trying to let my mind settle and doing the “maybe or maybe not methods.” I just feel like that wart on my foot traumatized me. I wanna empty all my makeup out … like all the brushes and even the bag. I know it’s such a waste of money but there are times I’ll go buy the same makeup brushes bc I’m scared to get it contaminated. Ugh and when I fo go out and buy them my ocd kinda flares bc then it’s saying “maybe someone returned this makeup brush and used it and your gonna get a wart that way too.” 😣 It’s like I can’t win. And then I think to myself, “am I gonna get punished or will something happen to me if I do get a new brush?” 😞 it’s very exhausting! Please any advice would help!
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