- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Tell me this, how is your body? Sleepy, hungry, exhausted? Listen to it and make sure it's fueled and energized. Are you seeing a therapist? Are you medicated? Sometimes genetically we may be biochemically off - my mother has OCD and she never knew so be aware of how your parents emotions are handled as well. Make sure you stay away from google unless it's informative and no for reassurance.
- Date posted
- 6y
I have to go to work for a bit - I want to look up more of what you are going through since I don't have the fear in my way. I may be able to find useful information for you. I'll get back soon.
- Date posted
- 6y
Until then, breath, go on a walk, listen to some soulful music and smell the flowers - life is beautiful.
- Date posted
- 6y
Hi there. I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling. May I ask, when you say gay trans man turning lesbian.. would that mean that you would be straight? As in you are afraid of liking the opposite sex?
- Date posted
- 6y
You always belong, and your always loved. It's never uncommon to go on websites that you shouldn't, and it's definitely not a big deal that you did! Your just exploring, and that's what OCD does! It takes your emotions and twists them in many ways. HOCD isn't something to beat yourself down about! And this isn't stupid. None of this is stupid--you should never think it is, because it's important you understand that what your feeling is completely fine I'm no expert, but maybe you should consider talking to someone in real life! Your always welcome to post here, the NOCD team is extremely welcoming, and the community is extremely tight! Your a normal person feeling normal symptoms of NOCD. There's nothing stupid about the way you feel. Remember your loved, and your cared for throughout this process. Have an amazing day! ???
- Date posted
- 6y
@waterlady the issue is i have this double edged fear that my gender identity is wrong and that ive been wrong about my sexuality. A friend shared some post on twitter a long time ago about "people who are lesbians and just never knew it" which sparked this stupid fear in me. My issues are pretty layered and its hard to really explain it all without writing a book lmfao
- Date posted
- 6y
Ok I see.. yes I can see how that twitter post made the spark happen. Listen, I've had the same issues in a different way. I'm a straight women who has been in past relationships with men and almost engaged to a man. During some periods of my life - I've had these hocd occurrences where I question is all. I think to myself.. what if I've been wrong and I secretly like women? (Most of my hetero relationships haven't worked out) then if I read about gender identity, I start questioning, am I women? Am I secretly wanting to be a guy? (I get along with guys and sometimes like them better as friends than girls) the doubt will spin me into extreme anxiety and I feel like everything I've known about myself was a lie and it tears me to pieces. Now, in this moment, right now, I've accepted the fact that I may never know but what I do have to trust is that I do have OCD. I have recently stopped looking for answers and started researching more about OCD. I'm not looking for the truth anymore, im learning new ways to cope with OCD and surprisingly, my symptoms of fear and "denial" have slowly evaporated. I think at this point, stop searching, start accepting and stat learning about how to cope with OCD.
- Date posted
- 6y
I think at one point, you just need to accept you have hocd and learn new ways to cope with it and I mean really accept it even if every part of you is saying your just in denial.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 20w
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
- Date posted
- 15w
I few years ago, I did self-harm a few times, and then I got super into spirituality, and about a year ago, I remembered I did self-harm and ever since haven't been able to shake the guilt off... Constantly, every day, my mind would make me feel guilty about it and think about it all day. It's like my brain knew the thought that I could/ have cut myself scared me, so it kept bringing it up. My family had no idea I had ever done this, so my OCD told me I was a liar for not telling them about every day. I was afraid that they wouldn't love me anymore and send me to a mental hospital if I told them. About 2-3 months ago, I had gotten so fed up with having these thoughts every day and confessed to my mom what I had done, and her reaction was great. And I thought I'd never have thoughts about when I did self-harm again because I finally confessed. I was wrong. Even with people telling me that it's okay, I did that, I can't shake the guilt I had around this event, and even more so the fear/guilt around my own thoughts... My therapist and I talk about how the problem isn't the thoughts but what the OCD does to them. I try to create positive neural pathways, but that just makes me more stressed about it. There are things I'm supposed to tell myself when I feel negative, but I think I get that confused and tell myself those things every time I have thoughts about what I did. Which is feeding into a mental compulsion (replacing every "bad" thought with a "good" one. What works for me is (if I can) do nothing and have the thoughts... It's been hard to get better because I have had no idea what's been happening to me and felt like for the last year I was going crazy... I always thought OCD was cleaning stuff and physical compulsions . Everything that happened to me happened in my head. On the worst days when my OCD is really bad, every single time I was conscious and aware, I was thinking about the fact that I did self-harm. I would lie in bed all day trying to figure out my thoughts because I thought if I watched TV, I would be avoiding important things. I thought I had to figure out all my thoughts. I would ruminate, replay, and second-guess all. day. long. It was hard to recognize it was OCD because I thought I had done something seriously bad and wrong, and that I must deserve these thoughts. I think the trick is that you feel like you must have positive thoughts, and the most distressing thing wasn't necessarily the fact that I did self-harm, but the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about it. I find the best thing you can do is just have all your thoughts in your head and try not to separate them from good and bad, if you can. It's nice to have people who understand!!!! More to come, about the journey. My favorite thing to say when I'm stuck is "that sly devil... OCD. Silly OCD is getting to me right now, but it won't last forever. That sneaky guy tricked me again" Love you!!!
- Date posted
- 10w
Hi all it’s been a bit since I’ve posted. I’ve been doing ok ish Today has been weird, idk if it’s cuz I upped my vyvanse to 20mg and it’s making me anxious or if everything is just colliding rn It feels like idk myself anymore. I’ve been flipping between ROCD, soocd and tocd the last couple of days/weeks. Rn I just feel horrible and idk why but I’ve been on my period for 11 days now. My period usually lasts 7. When I’m not on birth control. I’ve been on birth control since October of last year and hadn’t had a period till coming home end of April/early may and now it’s back again. I’ve been ranting to chat gpt (Ik it’s bad, I just didn’t know who to turn to) Rn I’m just really in my head about my gender and I’m anxious and crying and I just don’t feel good. Context for tonight’s thought I was doing my skincare, I’ve been trying to develop a routine cuz I’m bothered by the texture on my face and how it makes my makeup look. I’ve always felt less pretty than other girls tbh. Anywyas. As I was doing my skincare I had this thought just happen across my mind of “what if I dislike my skin and face so much cuz I’m trans? What if the reason I’ve been depressed lately is cuz I’m slowly becoming dysphoric and hating myself?” When in fact I think the issue is: I haven’t seen my bf in a month and a bjt. I’ve been bleeding for 11 days. I’m in summer classes and stressed about the comjng semester and how much work I have to do to catch up cuz I’m in pre med and I’ve been fucking slacking lately and I truly hate myself for it. I miss being hugged by my bf. I’ll admit I need a good dicking down tbh. My brother is a whole other story while I’m home. I just feel. Gross and bad. And I’m worried I’m trans. I’m worried I’m a lesbian or smthn. I’m worried I don’t love my bf deeply enough and it’s all just circling in my head a lot and I just feel like curling into a ball. I’ve always been a tomboy, I mostly hung out with boys cuz the girls never liked me. I was weird. I loved dragons. I had imaginary friends. At one point as a kid I tried a different name, I think it just didn’t fit and I grew out of that and just went back to my normal name. But now I’m worried I just repressed that. But I see a lot of girls who also went through the same thing and are also just women. But I’m so scared that I’m “not letting the TV glow” like that trend (that shit made me so anxious. I have trans friends and I love them but im scared of it for myself) I feel still sorta tomboyish but dress feminine, once in a blue moon ill dress semi masculine and now I’m worried that means im either trans or a lesbian who wants to be masc. but I’m not. I don’t think I am Idk who I am anymore. Idk if it’s just ocd or if im actually discovering smthn Im just anxious as hell tbh. So I don’t think that’s the case. I’m just sitting here. Looping in my head. My typical “drown out the noise” tv shows won’t load properly cuz of our new wifi and it’s really irritating me. What if I’ve been lying every time I try to do a “are you trans/genderfluid/non binary?” quiz. What if I’ve been lying to my bf. My friends? My family? I keep thinking to myself, if I wasn’t with my bf would I dress the same? Yes I would. I’d still wear my cardigans. My sweaters. My dresses. I’d try out new styles like I want to rn with him. I’m just worried that teying smthn would make me realize smthn about myself but I don’t think it would. Idk. I’m just in all these irrational thoughts. Jumping to conclusions Any advice would be appreciated. I mostly just needed to vent about this.
- Relationship OCD
- OCD newbies
- Sexual Orientation OCD
- LGBTQ+ with OCD
- False Memory OCD
- Young adults with OCD
- Students with OCD
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond