- Date posted
- 6y
- Date posted
- 6y
Tell me this, how is your body? Sleepy, hungry, exhausted? Listen to it and make sure it's fueled and energized. Are you seeing a therapist? Are you medicated? Sometimes genetically we may be biochemically off - my mother has OCD and she never knew so be aware of how your parents emotions are handled as well. Make sure you stay away from google unless it's informative and no for reassurance.
- Date posted
- 6y
I have to go to work for a bit - I want to look up more of what you are going through since I don't have the fear in my way. I may be able to find useful information for you. I'll get back soon.
- Date posted
- 6y
Until then, breath, go on a walk, listen to some soulful music and smell the flowers - life is beautiful.
- Date posted
- 6y
Hi there. I'm so sorry to hear that you are struggling. May I ask, when you say gay trans man turning lesbian.. would that mean that you would be straight? As in you are afraid of liking the opposite sex?
- Date posted
- 6y
You always belong, and your always loved. It's never uncommon to go on websites that you shouldn't, and it's definitely not a big deal that you did! Your just exploring, and that's what OCD does! It takes your emotions and twists them in many ways. HOCD isn't something to beat yourself down about! And this isn't stupid. None of this is stupid--you should never think it is, because it's important you understand that what your feeling is completely fine I'm no expert, but maybe you should consider talking to someone in real life! Your always welcome to post here, the NOCD team is extremely welcoming, and the community is extremely tight! Your a normal person feeling normal symptoms of NOCD. There's nothing stupid about the way you feel. Remember your loved, and your cared for throughout this process. Have an amazing day! ???
- Date posted
- 6y
@waterlady the issue is i have this double edged fear that my gender identity is wrong and that ive been wrong about my sexuality. A friend shared some post on twitter a long time ago about "people who are lesbians and just never knew it" which sparked this stupid fear in me. My issues are pretty layered and its hard to really explain it all without writing a book lmfao
- Date posted
- 6y
Ok I see.. yes I can see how that twitter post made the spark happen. Listen, I've had the same issues in a different way. I'm a straight women who has been in past relationships with men and almost engaged to a man. During some periods of my life - I've had these hocd occurrences where I question is all. I think to myself.. what if I've been wrong and I secretly like women? (Most of my hetero relationships haven't worked out) then if I read about gender identity, I start questioning, am I women? Am I secretly wanting to be a guy? (I get along with guys and sometimes like them better as friends than girls) the doubt will spin me into extreme anxiety and I feel like everything I've known about myself was a lie and it tears me to pieces. Now, in this moment, right now, I've accepted the fact that I may never know but what I do have to trust is that I do have OCD. I have recently stopped looking for answers and started researching more about OCD. I'm not looking for the truth anymore, im learning new ways to cope with OCD and surprisingly, my symptoms of fear and "denial" have slowly evaporated. I think at this point, stop searching, start accepting and stat learning about how to cope with OCD.
- Date posted
- 6y
I think at one point, you just need to accept you have hocd and learn new ways to cope with it and I mean really accept it even if every part of you is saying your just in denial.
Related posts
- Date posted
- 23w
Struggling with TOCD has probably been the hardest theme I’ve had to deal with so far For reference. I’m a gay male 20yr old Before this theme I was so open with my gender expression, love drag and used to do it for a time. A lot of my friends are trans women and my whole life is queer When this theme hit. It’s like I completely lost who I was. Questioning everything I enjoyed, not participating in anything because it triggered me so heavily. I went through a whole gender journey awhile back and the trans path never spoke to me when I looked into it. I love my physique and my face but now when I look into the mirror i feel like a shell of who I was. I can’t find any sort of pure enjoyment without the accompanying “what if” or “you’re this” intrusive thought I still enjoy how I look. I’ve not looked in the mirror and felt like anything is missing from me or needs to be taken away I just feel like a spectator in my life while this disease tells me I’m not who I know myself to be I affirm myself every day I know who I am and it may change in the future but that’s not important. It’s highly unlikely it will but it may! Giving into the uncertainty has been so hard but it’s worth it! My ocd has really picked up since getting into my first serious relationship I care about my boyfriend with my whole heart but over the course of our relationship my themes have included Health Relationship Irreality Harm I just want to be who I was again before this current theme it feels unbearable to live like this BUT! I’m seeking appropriate treatment and not giving into a majority of compulsions I just wanted to write this to see if anyone can relate and if they do. Know that you will overcome this! I know I will and you will too
- Date posted
- 17w
So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.
- Date posted
- 12w
I few years ago, I did self-harm a few times, and then I got super into spirituality, and about a year ago, I remembered I did self-harm and ever since haven't been able to shake the guilt off... Constantly, every day, my mind would make me feel guilty about it and think about it all day. It's like my brain knew the thought that I could/ have cut myself scared me, so it kept bringing it up. My family had no idea I had ever done this, so my OCD told me I was a liar for not telling them about every day. I was afraid that they wouldn't love me anymore and send me to a mental hospital if I told them. About 2-3 months ago, I had gotten so fed up with having these thoughts every day and confessed to my mom what I had done, and her reaction was great. And I thought I'd never have thoughts about when I did self-harm again because I finally confessed. I was wrong. Even with people telling me that it's okay, I did that, I can't shake the guilt I had around this event, and even more so the fear/guilt around my own thoughts... My therapist and I talk about how the problem isn't the thoughts but what the OCD does to them. I try to create positive neural pathways, but that just makes me more stressed about it. There are things I'm supposed to tell myself when I feel negative, but I think I get that confused and tell myself those things every time I have thoughts about what I did. Which is feeding into a mental compulsion (replacing every "bad" thought with a "good" one. What works for me is (if I can) do nothing and have the thoughts... It's been hard to get better because I have had no idea what's been happening to me and felt like for the last year I was going crazy... I always thought OCD was cleaning stuff and physical compulsions . Everything that happened to me happened in my head. On the worst days when my OCD is really bad, every single time I was conscious and aware, I was thinking about the fact that I did self-harm. I would lie in bed all day trying to figure out my thoughts because I thought if I watched TV, I would be avoiding important things. I thought I had to figure out all my thoughts. I would ruminate, replay, and second-guess all. day. long. It was hard to recognize it was OCD because I thought I had done something seriously bad and wrong, and that I must deserve these thoughts. I think the trick is that you feel like you must have positive thoughts, and the most distressing thing wasn't necessarily the fact that I did self-harm, but the fact that I couldn't stop thinking about it. I find the best thing you can do is just have all your thoughts in your head and try not to separate them from good and bad, if you can. It's nice to have people who understand!!!! More to come, about the journey. My favorite thing to say when I'm stuck is "that sly devil... OCD. Silly OCD is getting to me right now, but it won't last forever. That sneaky guy tricked me again" Love you!!!
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