Hey there! Committing myself to getting the help I need. I’ve had a lot of break up urges (first thing in the morning to last thing at night) from the very beginning of my this new long distance relationship I’m in. From the beginning their feeling towards me have been a lot more full on than mine from them, but I feel subconsciously/under the blanket of constant worries and doubts that I can grow with them and have a good time. I’ve visited them in person, which went pretty well but thoughts were still there, and they will soon visit me, but this in-between time has lead to a lot of anxiety. If I “take a step back” I realize how I’ve gone from one 24/7 thought to another for several years now all related to my identity and how i interact with others. The person of question also has a history of symptoms similar to mine, so they have a lot of empathy, but there’s also the chances of it turning into a mess. Should I continue to step into the deep end? I’m also hoping to get a therapist specializing in erp but who has a more holistic view of things as well. A lot of resources on rocd have helped (they may seem a bit “hippy dippy” but they also have allowed me to reflect on issues with our culture and media and how they promote black and white thinking). The thought of being just friends with the person in question is persistent, but I also want to continue to develop something deeper and not live in anxiety, especially as they get me in a way no one else does and there’s something magical about that. Why can’t my brain allow me to just go with the flow? I have little glimpses here and there into “what could be.” Why not continue to give it a try for a reason other than anxiety?

cheyras

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

Yes! Stepping into the deep end is your friend when it comes to OCD. I feel you, friend. I’ve been there. I had severe relationship OCD. I had it really bad even with the woman I ended up marrying. We don’t get to rely on strong happy constant feelings of infatuation and blind love that others take for granted. That sucks, but it’s also OK. For me it was more about conscious choices. “Yeah maybe I’m making a big mistake. Maybe shes not right for me. Maybe there would be someone better. I’m gonna stay with her anyway.” Relationships are messy and uncertain especially at the first. Embrace that uncertainty, make space in your life to not have to feel any certain way, and let yourself see how it goes. You got this!

Anonymous

Date posted: 4y

I really relate to this. I constantly get the thought 'why can't I just let go and be happy, I have an amazing supportive partner'. It feels really wrong a lot of the time because I constantly feel the urge that things aren't right, but my therapist has said that ending things when you're in the grip of OCD isn't recommended.

BellyYay

Date posted: 4y

Thank you for your words! I appreciate it :). Acknowledging the messiness and uncertainty and the growth that comes with it will definitely make things better as well as erp.

cheyras

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

And sticking with a relationship you’re unsure about is kind of a form of ERP. If you were to end the relationship, there’s a chance that anxiety would go away, as a result of avoiding what’s triggering it. But there’s no growth in that, and you’d be right back at the same point the next time you attempt to pursue a relationship. That’s how it was for me. It didn’t matter who I was dating, I would have those obsessions. I finally decided enough was enough and stuck it out. I explained it to my GF (now wife) after we had been dating a bit and shared some articles about it so she could understand that it had nothing to do with her or with me not liking her, that it was just anxiety - so if I’m acting a little off she’d know what’s likely going on and that she hadn’t done anything wrong to cause it. She was very supportive and understanding. That was how I knew she was worth sticking around even though the anxiety didn’t go away and there was still uncertainty. Good luck my friend!

BellyYay

Date posted: 4y

The person I’m talking about is so cute and smart and cuddly and supportive and we have a lot in common in terms of interests and values as well as some well-balanced differences. In the throws of anxiety it is so hard to see that, which is part of why i know I need extra support and therapy.

cheyras

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

Sounds like a really good thing, that you deserve! Stick with it, involve a therapist if you can. You can do it!

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