- Date posted
- 4y
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
Yes! Stepping into the deep end is your friend when it comes to OCD. I feel you, friend. I’ve been there. I had severe relationship OCD. I had it really bad even with the woman I ended up marrying. We don’t get to rely on strong happy constant feelings of infatuation and blind love that others take for granted. That sucks, but it’s also OK. For me it was more about conscious choices. “Yeah maybe I’m making a big mistake. Maybe shes not right for me. Maybe there would be someone better. I’m gonna stay with her anyway.” Relationships are messy and uncertain especially at the first. Embrace that uncertainty, make space in your life to not have to feel any certain way, and let yourself see how it goes. You got this!
- Date posted
- 4y
I really relate to this. I constantly get the thought 'why can't I just let go and be happy, I have an amazing supportive partner'. It feels really wrong a lot of the time because I constantly feel the urge that things aren't right, but my therapist has said that ending things when you're in the grip of OCD isn't recommended.
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you for your words! I appreciate it :). Acknowledging the messiness and uncertainty and the growth that comes with it will definitely make things better as well as erp.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
And sticking with a relationship you’re unsure about is kind of a form of ERP. If you were to end the relationship, there’s a chance that anxiety would go away, as a result of avoiding what’s triggering it. But there’s no growth in that, and you’d be right back at the same point the next time you attempt to pursue a relationship. That’s how it was for me. It didn’t matter who I was dating, I would have those obsessions. I finally decided enough was enough and stuck it out. I explained it to my GF (now wife) after we had been dating a bit and shared some articles about it so she could understand that it had nothing to do with her or with me not liking her, that it was just anxiety - so if I’m acting a little off she’d know what’s likely going on and that she hadn’t done anything wrong to cause it. She was very supportive and understanding. That was how I knew she was worth sticking around even though the anxiety didn’t go away and there was still uncertainty. Good luck my friend!
- Date posted
- 4y
The person I’m talking about is so cute and smart and cuddly and supportive and we have a lot in common in terms of interests and values as well as some well-balanced differences. In the throws of anxiety it is so hard to see that, which is part of why i know I need extra support and therapy.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
Sounds like a really good thing, that you deserve! Stick with it, involve a therapist if you can. You can do it!
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Hi, friends. I apologize in advance because this is going to be a long one. Friends and family have tried to help and give me advice, but they don’t truly understand how OCD/ROCD disrupts me from thinking logically. Quick back story: I was in a relationship for 10 years with a guy who I liked enough, but was never truly “in love” with. We bought a house together and everything. I broke up with him in January 2024 after learning that he had been lying to me and hiding multiple substance addictions throughout our relationship. He was also a compulsive liar. Needless to say, I was left in shambles with a ton of trust issues and a mortgage that I couldn’t afford alone. Flash forward to October 2024: I was unexpectedly setup by someone and ended up going on a date with a divorced 38 year old, I’m 30 for reference. Neither of us expected it to go anywhere and we were both the first person the other dated since ending their previous relationship/marriage. Plot twist….I fell absolutely in love with this man. I mean, getting excited to go to bed because I knew when I woke up I could talk to him again in love (🤮). Lame, I know. He said he loved me very quickly after a night of drinking, but the next day made it clear that “I know I was drunk, but I know what I said and I meant it.” Things progressed, we spent a lot of time together very quickly and there were a lot of big feelings. Things were fantastic and I felt like I was living in a movie. Now, here we are 5 months later. I’ve learned that he is definitely an avoidant, which is tough because I have an anxious attachment style. He’s stopped saying the cute things he said in the beginning, and I know that people will say that was the “honeymoon phase” but I still feel just as happy and excited to be around him as I was in the beginning. He’s been pulling away and said that he does love me and wants to be with me, but he needs to work on himself first. I ended up breaking down and telling him everything I was feeling and everything that was upsetting me. He was taken back, but said that he hears me and that everything I’ve said is extremely valid. He said he didn’t realize that I felt that way and he’s sorry. We took a few days to collect our thoughts and process, finally seeing each other again last Friday. When we saw each other we had an open and honest talk. He said that he has noticed that he’s repeating things he’s done in past relationships and that he doesn’t want to do that with me, he doesn’t want to lose me. He said he wants to be together and that he sees a future with me, but he just needs a minute before he can “fully commit” I.e. introduce me to any more of his friends and family. I’m completely lost. I want to be with him more than anything. I respect that he recognizes a pattern and his detrimental behavior and I’m willing to meet him where he is. But at the same time, should I have to try so hard for someone to love me? I don’t want to lose him, but I cannot lose myself again either. I’m torn between “the right person will do what it takes to be with you” and “if they aren’t giving you what you need, walk away”… I know this is long, but if you made it this far, any and all advice would be extremely appreciated. Thank you!!
- Date posted
- 24w
I’ve been really struggling the last week and I need some help. I’ve been seeing a guy for about 2 months who checks a lot of my relationship boxes. He’s so kind and we have a lot of fun together. The first few weeks I was totally smitten but had moments of fear about being committed. We talked about it and decided to take things slowly, and then I would have days of feeling like every thing was perfect with some fearful feelings in between. Two weeks ago now my SO-OCD and ROCD started to come back a little as well as my more anxious-avoidant behaviors. I started to get more scared of the future and it was more intense. At the end of last week, he asked me to be his girlfriend and I said yes. He is exactly the type of person I see myself marrying and has great values and is so secure about me. Until last week, he generally made me feel so safe and secure. Ever since saying yes, I feel so scared and anxious and my SO-OCD and ROCD is on max. I also find myself getting more annoyed and irritated about things that were minor annoyances or non-issues before. I’m having intense physical responses to both OCD themes, and the nagging thought and feeling that I need to end things with him because we aren’t right for each other. It makes me feel so sad and guilty. Sex is becoming harder because of the thoughts too, whereas at first it was perfect. I don’t know who I can talk to about this without them telling me to just break up with him. Everything is so new so I think they’d chalk it up to my intuition. But I do want to be in love and have less fear around relationships, so I don’t want to give into the fear. I think it could help me to set boundaries and have space for myself more often. I think I need some advice or insight. I know I shouldn’t ask for reassurance, but having some around how other people have felt at the beginning of a relationship would help. Why is it that the label is freaking me out so much? How do you guys set boundaries to prioritize yourself when you feel this way?
- Date posted
- 8w
Soooo I’m over here just trying to make it to my next NOCD appt before breaking things off with a guy I’m getting to know 😞 it’s hard for me to tell if I’m having genuine concerns about compatibility, or if I’m spiraling into OCD. How the heck do I date someone and not consider compatibility? But I find myself going into fight or flight mode, or feeling like I need to make a decision immediately after a date, or ruminating about it all throughout the day, trying to figure out if the concerns are valid enough, if I’m settling, if I’m about to give up on something that could be beautiful…. Whenever I write out all my concerns, they don’t really seem like that big of a deal, or seem like things we could talk through. The biggest concern for me is whether we are compatible in the sense that talking comes easy or we feel comfortable around each other. But we’ve only been on 3 dates so it’s hard to tell. Things are still awkward sometimes. I am also autistic and this complicated things with how I socialize. So I told myself “just get to your NOCD appt in a few days and don’t make a decision til then. You can talk about it with them then.” It’s only my second appt tho, so I’m not even sure what they discuss at appt#2 and if we’ll have time to talk about it. I guess I’m just getting this off my chest right now and I appreciate this community where I can be honest 😔💛 (Added TW because I’m not sure if it would be for others)
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