All of the sudden, I started thinking I don't like my partner anymore, it took me awhile to understand that love is not about feelings, but now that I don't stress about that, I started having intrusive thoughts about liking my best friend (a boy, and I'm a lesbian, or at least, I think I am...). Is this normal? I can hardly enjoy time with both of them, I spend all day thinking about I like him and I should leave my partner, but not to be with my friend, just to stop feeling that I pretend to love her. This is making my life hell, I can't imagine being with someone else than my partner, I literally want to die.

Even if I'm not attracted to him? I just feel like I LOVE HIM, not that he is attractive, because I really don't like his appearance.

@memlo since you’re into the same sex, u most likely just have platonic love for him! i’ve had the same issure but vice versa and my best advice is to accept that there is a possibility you like this friend but don’t break up with your girlfriend as it shows that you still have love for her

@nikkii accepting the possibility of liking this friend as a way to accept your thoughts and not go into compulsion ^

i know what you mean i have the same feelings. it’s hard for a lot of people with this theme to just accept it bc they think it would become true. take self care days and start slowly with recovery

@nikkii Yes, I don't want to like him, I just want things to be the way they were weeks ago. I feel that if I keep going like this, I might fall in love with him and I don't want to, I just want my partner, the mere thought of not being with her gives me so much anxiety. Also I didn't understood what you meant with platonic love, as everyone has a different view of that kind of things.

@memlo not to give reassurance but if this attraction gives you anxiety, it’s not right for you. and i meant plationic love as in you love your friend as exactly that - friends.

@nikkii You're talking about my friend? Or my partner? Sorry if I ask so much, english is not my native and I get confused easily. That type of love is actually what I feel when I get those "lucid moments", I will be like "oh I really love my friend! but as a friend only" and feel so sure about it, but when the thoughts come back it feels as my mind was telling me "see? You're thinking this again, so you do LOVE your friend"... And it feels so real.

@memlo yes i was talking about your friend. ocd makes your obsessions feel real even when they’re not

@nikkii Oh ok, but- How can I cope with this? I can't get therapy right now because my parents neglect me so much, I feel like I need to do everything alone, because I obviously cannot talk about this with my partner, neither with my friends.

@memlo since i’m in the same boat, try journaling or meditation to soothe the anxiety and lower compulsions

@nikkii tell your partner when you think it’s right

@memlo Hey on this app there fee group therapy sessions on certain days regarding sexual intrusive thoughts. Maybe attending one will help!