Nour04
- Date posted
- 4y
clomaiclomai
- Date posted
- 4y
Back door spike. It’s okay. ERP ERP
Nour04Nour04
- Date posted
- 4y
sure it's a backdoor spike not just real denial? i can't tell if it's me talking or the ocd. like if it's a genuine "gut feeling" of mine that this is denial. plus i seem fine i don't have anxiety anymore which makes me concerned. i am trying not to engage with the thoughts and it feels like denial. whenever i do a compulsion it feels like i want it. thoughts come less during the day, hit hard during the night because i am busy during the day and dismiss them. but why does it feel like i want it??? and why do i feel no anxiety? is this even ocd???
Sheng long. 555Sheng long. 555
- Date posted
- 4y
That feeling is just awful. Because deep down you feel the fear so closed.
Nour04Nour04
- Date posted
- 4y
@mike7777 it all feels like i want it and if i say i don't it feels like a lie. how can this still be ocd and not genuine denial???
Sheng long. 555Sheng long. 555
- Date posted
- 4y
@Nour04 You can't, I recommend to you a video of Chrissie talking about this, she started to talk about this in the minute 9 or 10. https://youtu.be/q2-_UUff3fo
Nour04Nour04
- Date posted
- 4y
@mike7777 can it get so real to the point where i am conviced this is denial? like totally convinced? like i would say "yes this is ocd" and then say "bro this is just denial this is totally denial" and i feel like that thought is mine and like i am truly convinced this is denial. i can't even tell if i don't want the thoughts anymore. i actually believe it's denial
clomaiclomai
- Date posted
- 4y
I’m not going to reassure you. Do the ERP. Gut feelings don’t exist when you have OCD. ERP ERP ERP
Nour04Nour04
- Date posted
- 4y
they don't? so this is just ocd?
Sheng long. 555Sheng long. 555
- Date posted
- 4y
You wouldn't know. That is the HOCD. But some therapists say that when that happens it is because the OCD is trying to survive and you come back to the loop of trying to figure out about yourself. The problem is that idk what's the next step. That is why a therapist is necessary. Pffff... It is sucks.
Nour04Nour04
- Date posted
- 4y
why does it feel like i like it and want it?? i was doing so much better
Sheng long. 555Sheng long. 555
- Date posted
- 4y
Because it is affecting your brain. The OCD is like a virus. A virus affects all the functions in a computer. So your brain is programmed to work in that way, but the OCD affect the way of your brain is programming and all its parts like thoughts, feeling, sexual response, dreams, etc. So the somehow the ERP try to reprogramming your brain manually.
Sheng long. 555Sheng long. 555
- Date posted
- 4y
Sorry my bad English, it is not my mother language.
Nour04Nour04
- Date posted
- 4y
no it's fine. so you mean it's my ocd and not actually me who likes it and feels so much in denial?
Sheng long. 555Sheng long. 555
- Date posted
- 4y
@Nour04 Yeah, Think about this, you watch a girl and automatically you think on your OCD, then you have doubts, then you start to think that you feel something, and so on. So the thing is that you are conditioning by the OCD. Back in the days, you watched a girl and she was irrelevant. And she was beautiful you didn't have problem to admit it. The problem is that now when you find a girl beautiful the OCD creates doubts about it and so on.
Nour04Nour04
- Date posted
- 4y
@mike7777 you are right i just can't do this anymore
Related posts
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 23w
What the HECK?
what the hell? this entire day ive been trying to do ERP right? allowing the thoughts feelings, sensations be there with very little reaction, saying"oh that's a thought", "that's a feeling" don't care" etc. But it seems to be making it 100x times worse. Like its impossible to just"ignore" it, it feels so freaking real as if this was the truth, the doubts are real, the false attraction feelings and lip sensations are REAL and genuine attraction, feels ego-synotic, its impossible just to ignore or move on from it because I think I'm so hyperfocused on it all so it last the whole day. IDK right now it feels and seems as if I lost? like its not a what if but it feels factual like"I'm naturally gay, I'm gay" and it feels like normal and become ok with that. But I don't want that I don't want to be gay.
geodrimilis
- Date posted
- 20w
I need this to end.
I’ve completely lost myself. I can’t focus on my studies, I can’t go to the gym. Dang it I can’t even be around my male friends normally anymore. I got no idea why or how this happened but the only thing I know for sure is that I never questioned my sexuality neither doubted it. I never cared in general. I just liked girls. I keep testing and keep testing and keep testing my arousal but no matter how many times I see but I don’t feel the same way for guys that I do with girls my mind will always try to make me believe that I am gay. It’s like it’s forcing me into an identity I never asked for. But at the end of the day like my psychologist told me. Sexuality doesn’t change. So since I never felt anything for guys in my life it’s ocd. I’ve been up and down for 5 months now and while the last week I was feeling way better. Monday now and I’m back to zero. I just want to go back when everything was normal. I can’t keep living with this.
edimichael
- Date posted
- 17w
acceptance
it feels like i accepted being gay and thats part of who i am but i still feel that tension and fake attraction whenever i see a man and i feel like i could be able to have a sexual intercourse with a man even though i dont want it is it still hocd or just denial? like i am feeling okey but there is still that doubt that how can i know that im not gay if i dont get disgusted by gay things or gay personality traits and at the same time i want to feel normal again like before
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