- Date posted
- 3y
- Date posted
- 3y
š hang in there
- Date posted
- 3y
Omg, when I was younger I had this thoughts about sexual orientation. Now I'm in this pocd shit thrughs and having groinal responses. I will win this, i believe in you. You're a warrior, most people don't know about you fight, but you know. You're been resilient at now. I'm sorry for my english, I expected you understand me
Related posts
- Date posted
- 25w
Every time I go to bed late and Iām falling asleep, I suddenly get an intrusive thought of a childās face and my groinal area always responds to it. Itās such an uncomfortable experience. I am way too tired to try and freak out so I end up falling asleep. The next morning Iām always trying to figure out whether I had the groinal response first or after the thought. I start giving OCD power but it feels like If I let it go, then Iām in denial or whatever. I donāt want to ever do anything sexual with a child. I donāt even feel comfortable talking platonically with people who are 17, much less a child. My therapist says that I have a deep rooted fear that Iām this horrible person and that OCD loves to feed off of it. When you get a groinal response, it makes the thought that much more real. I never want these things to happen. I want to only be into adults. Itās so discomforting and stressful. Especially since Iām hyper checking how anxious I am, and if I find I didnāt really have much anxiety, then Iām like āwell if I didnāt have anxiety, what does this mean?ā And more questions occur til I end up in a rabbit hole
- Date posted
- 20w
Being exposed to taboo p*rn as young as first grade ruined my life and now ocd is making me pay for it. I have so much guilt for being a child/teen and looking at taboo stuff, and it was all fictional or anime or whatever but it was still so so gross. and I didn't realize It because I had been used to it at so young š« I think what haunts me most is when I was a kid/young teen (like 12-14ish) and didn't have access to p*rn I'd imagine stuff similar to what I'd seen in the art. I can't even believe I'd imagine scenarios involving kid characters or whatever because it had been so normalized to me and I assumed it was normal since it was fiction. I'm 23 now so it's been a decade since I've done anything like that and I've never had the urge to since but still. I've NEVER been attracted to kids or had any urges or anything ever, even when I was addicted. The thought makes me want to vomit, I'd rather die than associate anything sexual with kids/minors and I think people who groom or assault kids are vile. But I still feel like the fact that I imagined stuff similar to the things I read sometimes when I was young is proof I'm a p*do. I don't think people would believe me if I said I'm not. I just feel like I don't deserve to live or that if I do, I'm living a lie. I know 'I was a kid too' but even when I was 13/14 I read/imagined stuff with characters younger than me because I thought it was normal. I'm so disgusted. I've had this theme for so long I'm starting to wonder if ocd is right. I feel too ashamed to tell my therapist.
- Date posted
- 19w
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now theyāre just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself itās two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself itās alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if itās just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but itās confusing. On top of that Iāve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like Iād be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk Iāve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that Iām straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
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