finding myself triggered before i see my partner and i’m trying so hard to calm down right now. i hope i’ll be okay before it’s time to head out :/

I have hold back my tears . I’m trying so hard to play it off. I can’t think about it anything without on the verge of falling apart . I have no self control over my mind . I’m scared. Is this a psychosis . I have barely eaten in days . My stomach is growling but I have no appetite. Idk what’s going on . Normally if I have a rough week I can fight it but I can’t fight it this time. My biggest fear is loosing my bf. I’m spending the day with him and all I can do it think about what’s gonna happen when I leave .

I genuinely can't help but feel irredeemable over every little mistake made or regret I've had. It's so up and down, but I just miss the certainty. Knowing "this is who I am." I'm so disconnected from myself. Like, I'm really, really trying. Today is really rough... I got triggered the other night, and it's been hell since. I've been fighting seeking reassurance. I want it so, so incredibly bad, but I know it won't help me :( Some days, I just don't want to be here. It's funny because yesterday I felt amazing until I got triggered. I just immediately spiraled after that. I don't know. Does it genuinely get better? Will therapy really help me? Sometimes, I think maybe this is the best it'll get, and that scares me. Sorry for the vent. I'm just feeling so overwhelmingly anxious right now. I can't even cry (due to Zoloft). It feels claustrophobic somehow, having all these emotions trapped inside of my body with nowhere to go 😭

i’ve been doing okay lately. but then tonight, my stomach started hurting and obviously that set off an anxiety spiral for my emetaphobia. and it went on for about an hour or so when i started feeling better and being more rational with myself. then all of a sudden, i’m hit with a second wave because my stomach started hurting again that i’m still going through. i’ve been having second waves of anxiety recently when i get anxiety attacks and they’re probably worse than the initial hit because i start to think “oh wait, maybe i am sick.” and i’m still not out of it and i’m currently terrified. i know the anxiety is making my stomach worse, but i cannot calm myself down when it hits. so i have an ice pack on my neck, heating pad on my stomach, turned my lights off, turned my fan on and have my tv on for background. i’m trying my best not to take a zofran but it’s getting hard