finding myself triggered before i see my partner and i’m trying so hard to calm down right now. i hope i’ll be okay before it’s time to head out :/

my ocd got triggered because i’m scared i won’t get better or have confidence in the future… does anyone have any tips to improve my confidence and avoidant attachment… my mom said i have a illness for being on the phone so much and this is why i don’t tell her anything about mental health because my dad would understand more… i worry a lot and the past few days been so hard because of me liking this guy i’m friends with and then my friend liking him.. it’s been hard and i’ve been having low self esteem where i’m scared if i have depression…i’m scared i will never improve my confidence or improve me being off the phone… i just got triggered and i’m like getting anxious since i don’t have anything straighten out

I have hold back my tears . I’m trying so hard to play it off. I can’t think about it anything without on the verge of falling apart . I have no self control over my mind . I’m scared. Is this a psychosis . I have barely eaten in days . My stomach is growling but I have no appetite. Idk what’s going on . Normally if I have a rough week I can fight it but I can’t fight it this time. My biggest fear is loosing my bf. I’m spending the day with him and all I can do it think about what’s gonna happen when I leave .

hi! I broke a short period of doing well without compulsions because I got triggered again. Before this, I had about two calmer days where I didn’t spiral so much, but now everything feels worse. I’m scared that I don’t love my boyfriend as much as I used to, or that this relationship is making me feel stuck or sad. He’s a wonderful person, and I hate thinking this way. I smelled a perfume that used to make me feel calm and in love, and now it just makes me question everything. I spent hours last night searching Reddit, especially on r/ROCD, trying to see if someone is like me or if anyone has answers. I keep rereading posts, hoping I’ll feel certain about what I should do. But I just feel more confused. I keep thinking, “What if I heal and then realize I don’t love him?” or “What if I’m only staying because I feel safe with him or I’m used to him?” I feel numb sometimes, or like I’m pretending, and I hate it. I want to feel love and clarity again. I don’t know what’s real or what’s ROCD anymore. I just feel lost and afraid. I talk to hi. now and i feel so strange like i dont want to force myself i want to like him i dont understand what i feel i feel so weird in my chest