If you struggle with Harm OCD like I do, a good book on Kindle to read is "Harm OCD Recovery" by Ali Greymore.

Looking back, I realize I’ve had OCD since I was 7. though I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 30. As a kid, I was consumed by fears I couldn’t explain: "What if God isn’t real? What happens when we die? How do I know I’m real?" These existential thoughts terrified me, and while everyone has them from time to time, I felt like they were consuming my life. By 12, I was having daily panic attacks about death and war, feeling untethered from reality as depersonalization and derealization set in. At 15, I turned to drinking, spending the next 15 years drunk, trying to escape my mind. I hated myself, struggled with my body, and my intrusive thoughts. Sobriety forced me to face it all head-on. In May 2022, I finally learned I had OCD. I remember the exact date: May 10th. Reading about it, I thought, "Oh my God, this is it. This explains everything." My main themes were existential OCD and self-harm intrusive thoughts. The self-harm fears were the hardest: "What if I kill myself? What if I lose control?" These thoughts terrified me because I didn’t want to die. ERP changed everything. At first, I thought, "You want me to confront my worst fears? Are you kidding me?" But ERP is gradual and done at your pace. My therapist taught me to lean into uncertainty instead of fighting it. She’d say, "Maybe you’ll kill yourself—who knows?" At first, it felt scary, but for OCD, it was freeing. Slowly, I realized my thoughts were just thoughts. ERP gave me my life back. I’m working again, I’m sober, and for the first time, I can imagine a future. If you’re scared to try ERP, I get it. But if you’re already living in fear, why not try a set of tools that can give you hope?

I didn’t know this but my Pure-O began when i was around 11/12 years old with a violent thought to hurt someone I love. This thought brought me tears. I tried supressing it, “praying” it away, thinking good things, distracting myself etc. But this thought always came back to haunt me. It was on/off for about 13 years. Just this past week, I recently got an image/thought of hurting someone I love and it scares me. I use smart devices to track my sleep and exercise and both devices show that my heart rate is much beyond what it should be. I have had difficulty sleeping the past 3 nights with very little REM and deep sleep because of this thought. I’m worried this could cause me to spiral. I feel anxious all day because I’m trying to avoid thinking this thought, but it keeps coming back. I’m waiting to book a call with a NOCD to see what my options are. I hope I can get effective treatment. 🥺🫶🏻

Honestly ocd has been so tough these past months, like I wake up in the morning thinking I accidentally hurt my whole family and just don’t remember. And I start to question so much. And freak out thinking that I did. If anyone can relate I would love to hear from you ;) and any things that may helped you