My girlfriend and I got into an argument earlier and I oushed her (she moved maybe like an inch or two away) so it wasn't like a hard push and now I just feel like a bad person or an abuser. I love her to death and I care for her alot. Now i'm scared that our relationship is toxic.

I'm currently crying rn as I write this post. I feel horrible and scared. I recently had an argument with my dad. I hate being angry because my intrusive thoughts get so much worse. We were arguing in a heated way and he came up to my face and I noticed my own reaction which was that my fists clenched up (I become very hyper aware of myself) Anyway I realized they were clenched and that they twitched in anger. I remember telling myself "please no please this doesn't mean I'll act out. Please no don't think. I really do not want to hurt anyone. Please I'm not losing control. Please dont act out." And I started to cry I stopped arguing but began to cry in anger and fear. I'm scared this means I was going to act out. I didn't want to talk to him anymore I just shut down and he asked me what's wrong with me and I just responded with "you're making me very angry. I need some space now okay?" And he said he wasn't very angry with me and I shouldn't be angry with him and he left me alone but I feel so guilty. Did I want to hurt him? This is causing me way too much distress.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? I’m graduating from college soon and i have been so stressed about finding a job, signing a lease for an apartment, college ending, I have an ungodly amount of assignments to do, I have a tumultuous relationship with my mother that has recently blown up again, and so much more. I am just so overwhelmed, I snapped at my boyfriend last night. I immediately apologized but i still feel awful. One of my biggest fears is being an abusive partner and i feel like this confirms that I am one. My best friend was also there and he saw me snap at my boyfriend and I’m scared he thinks I’m awful too. He saw me apologize so maybe that makes him think differently, but i can’t know for sure. The logical side of me tells me it’s not that deep, i apologized, and it’s time to move on. But i feel like i need to apologize to my best friend too to make sure he doesn’t think im terrible, but i know thats reassurance seeking. The ocd in me is punishing myself and refusing to move on.

Struggling. My mind/OCD told me I had already abused my child by breathing when they were laying across me and that I might as well do something else to hurt them. I had to think for a second, but the only thing that came to mind was to move my elbow towards their groin area to cause a "feeling". Well I did just that, and I ended up grazing their groinal area and it caused a disgusting unwanted feeling. I IMMEDIATELY wanted to throw up and panicked. I also asked my child to move off of me immediately. It went against my morals, beliefs, and values as an individual and mother. I can't stop thinking about it and it's very debilitating. I didn't enjoy a single moment of it. But my question to you guys is am the monster that I've always been scared of being? Do I belong in the ground? Do I deserve to have a wonderful life and wonderful, perfect child?