TW psychopaths. i really need help i’m freaking out so much. i think i’m quite an empathetic person. and i think i might be a masochist (someone who likes getting hurt / feeling pain). i don’t really mind this because at the end of the day it’s me who would suffer not anyone else. but then i was googling and googling and fell into a trap about sadistic people. what if i hurt people so i can empathise with their pain and feel good? because i like feeling pain? i’m usually quite sensitive to pain so i’m worried it could make be sadistic if i felt someone’s else’s pain. because i would enjoy as i like feeling pain. there have been times where i’ve felt weirdly stimulated by terrible / evil situations (i hoped it was just adrenaline and anxiety). and i’m so scared i’m a psychopath. i feel sick to my stomach right now with anxiety. like what if i’m sadistic??? am what if i really am a psychopath??!!! please someone help me i’m so scared.

I know we’re not meant to ask for reassurance but I’m currently not in therapy and I need help, it feels scarily real and I feel like I’m not anxious or worried over the thoughts. I had stabbing thoughts about someone I care about and I started deliberately imagining them to test myself to see if I hate it or not but instead it felt like I knew how it feels to stab someone and like the feeling of doing that physical action and I swear it is the worst thing I have ever experienced as well I had moments where it felt like It was about to happen or I keep getting this really sick ‘happy’ feeling that I want to do that and I don’t know what that is but it feels incredibly real almost like I was getting a happy feeling or wanted to do that thing and jsut wasn’t giving into it and now I’m thinking I’m actually evil and it feels like I get a pleasurable feeling over the thought of doing that and would want to do it?? Because I ‘like’ the feeling of doing it or it would ‘feel’ good I swear I really don’t know what to do it feels incredibly real I feel like I can’t even say that I’m worried or scared because I feel like I’m lying and actually want it and have evil desires I’m really concerned, I have never done anything bad in my life, I feel like what if through experimenting and imagining the thoughts to test myself I have suddenly discovered I like it because it feels extremely real that I would ‘enjoy’ or like Doing that evil thing and it’s really concerning, i don’t understand I was fine a few days ago and suddenly I’m experiencing this? Is it possible to suddenly become evil i don’t want to be evil, but what if i like it and my desire to not be evil isn’t as strong as this ‘happy feeling’ i wish I can be normal I don’t want any of this please but I swear I feel like there is something wrong with me, I think this is the worst I’ve ever felt, like it feels like I want it and would enjoy it and it’s making me feel really worried but at the same time I don’t even know if I’m worried please help I need advice

I feel like this time I can’t pick myself back up. It felt too real like I don’t even belive it wasn’t real I fully feel like it was my own feeling and I genuinely felt that. I had stabbing intrusive thoughts, I imaginined it on purpose to test my reaction and then it felt like I know how it feels to physically do that action (stab someone) and I like how it feels then I was getting these urge feelings and it felt like I wanted it and then I was imagining the thoughts again about stabbing someoneI care about multiple times and then It suddenly felt like I was really happy about the thought and almost like I really enjoyed it and realised why evil people enjoy doing these things like I felt what they felt like I’ve discovered a ‘thrill’ feeling of doing that evil thing and I can’t get over it I can’t figure out why it felt like that and now I’m thinking because it felt like I liked it and it felt good I will be curious about being evil or want to be evil to feel that feeling again and it’s really messed up and I don’t know what to do everytime I think about it it feels like there is actually something wrong with me I no longer have anxiety or feel really worried about the thoughts I feel numb and that feeling is really making me feel bad like I can’t live normally now it feels like I am actually evil now and I don’t even know if I have morals or if i would be evil or not. Normally with my thoughts no matter how real it’s felt I’ve managed to convince myself why I had a certain feeling and why it’s not real and why I’m a good person but this time it actually feels like that feeling was from me and I actually felt really happy and enjoyed or got a thrill from the idea of doing that horrible thing like I can’t even say it feels real because I’m thinking it is real I don’t know what to do 🙁🙁I’ve had ocd for a few years but don’t get anxious anymore and this feels like I’m actually bad or would want to do it because of that feeling

recently ive been worrying that im ''secretly'' a narcissist and that im accidentally hurting all of my friends. it really doesnt help that i do relate a bit to some narcisstic traits like having an unstable ego/''needing'' validation, although i suspect it comes from a different source for me (like OCD, maybe?). it also hurts because ive been trying to understand more stigmatized disorders like NPD more and learning more about them so that i don't add to the demonization, but i feel like doing so has also instilled the fear into me that im accidentally harming people i care about or that im not actually a ''good person'' like how i like to think of myself