I have pure O and I have terrible images and thoughts in my head.Its so scary and I hate it .It has brought my life to a complete stand still.I feel like a bad person...

Yes we do seem to have the same thing going on. Mine can just spring from nowhere like the one at the moment is a worry about 5 years ago which never crossed my mind until now. It has got bigger and bigger in my mind. I hate it. I see a lot of stuff on you tube about OCD and help in America but I suppose that's just in certain states. X

Yes mine is the same .I plan on starting therapy for it soon .I'm glad someone can relate to me .Thank you! Can u add friends on here

Same here and mine make me feel like a monster and it has interrupted my life.

Oh such the same my lovely. It's like we are reading each other's minds! So that in itself just proves to us both that it is a disorder. You couldn't make it up otherwise!! When I get an obsession it makes me feel like the worst person in the whole wide world. If I watch something about bad people on the tv I think I am much worse than them. When I do eventually realise it is just a mental health disorder and not in fact real I get such an excited feeling and then feel I can move on with my life. It's weird because until I get that feeling no amount of distraction stops the thoughts. It's like a switch goes on in my head and I realise it is OCD and nothing more even though it seems so very very real x

I'm sorry Lewis. I feel so much compassion for anyone who has this .It warms my heart to know there is a place for us where people understand.

Yes ocd can be crippling. I know mine has put my life at a stand still.I got therapy tomorrow and hope it will get better with time .I have literally been in the hospital twice for mine and each time they say it's just ocd .

Same here man. Been in hospital. I wanted to go to the police and confess to all these crimes I don’t know if I did or didn’t do... But I feel better than o have in a while these last few days. It’s a relief after the last 2 months!

Hi there! I just read this conversation, and I can relate to so many of your guys feelings. I understand how we can be really sweet but then feel like a monster on the inside. I can relate to so much of this OCD. I just had a mini OCD attack and it’s so hard. It’s help to have this supportive community. People like you guys who share your thoughts and feelings make me feel less alone. Thank you so much!

I am so grateful I have found this site today. I am one of these people who just has to say what my horrible thoughts are even though they are so ridiculous. I am glad I have found you guys too. Let's all help each other to get better and enjoy our lives again (Oh there we go the OCD giving me anxiety writing that saying it's not OCD!!) Much love to you all and chat tomorrow if you are about xxxx

I'm doing ok. Glad to hear you're feeling more positive. The important thing is whenever you drift into rumination, don't beat yourself up. Just stop and continue your resolve to not do it and take the anxiety. It will ease with time. Look after yourself Lou.

You guys are so right. Isn't such a strange disorder that when we have anxiety we can imagine all sorts about ourselves and believe it but then when we don't pay attention to it we realise it isn't real at all?! I have done much better today and not ruminated since speaking with my therapist. It has been tough but he said something that stuck in my mind......he said that I have these intrusive thoughts that turn into an obsession and I continually analyse scenarios.....and this is the disorder OCD. I am saying to myself now that it's okay and it is the OCD. I have kept myself busy today too! I know the weekend will be tough but I.must stick at it because then next week I know the thoughts won't seem as real. It's so nice to find people who are like me!! Xx

Yes I have had this on and off for 30 odd years. I will get perhaps a break of a year or so and then for a few months when I have been stressed it will come out of the blue. It usually sticks around for about 8 to 10 weeks. Then it lessens although each episode I get I see my therapist. Since my Mum died though I have had about 5 or 6 episodes in the last two years. And yes as soon as you start applying the strategies it does feel better! You really start to realise it is a disorder and not You!!

God Lou, that's pretty much identical to mine. Only difference is it was my daughter, who wanted to sleep on her mom's side a night she was away. That's unreal !!

I would really like some help

The worst part is I get urges to act .I'm so scared

I am like you at the moment. This OCD has a lot to answer for doesn't it? I wish there was more help in the UK like they have in America. I too feel I am a bad person and have always felt this way since a child......thing is I am one of the nicest people you would want to meet but the OCD makes me believe I am a terrible evil person. I have false memory ocd and it is horrendous....questioning myself if I have done this or that......It seems so real but that's OCD for you. I hope you start to feel better xx

Me and you seem to have the same thing going on and I'm sorry to hear that you have it .I too am one of the nicest people you would ever meet but this disease makes me think otherwise .I live in America and believe it or not it's hard to find help here too.

?

I'm not sure ! I only joined today!! I hope we can add friends!

I just joined today too

My OCD comes and goes over a year. I suppose I am lucky in that I don't have loads of OCD worries....I just get stuck on one thought and try my best to prove it is OCD and not real. It doesn't matter how absurd it is.....I always end up believing it!!!! X

Yes I agree I see people on the tv and think I will become them:(

I don't think I will become them I think I am worse than them! Crazy !! Always here when you need a chat xx

I wish I could add you on facebook!

I’d like to weigh in here! I have the same thing, a compulsion of mine is to look at the news or see things about bad people to make myself feel better than I’m not a bad person. But I still end up like that...

I spoke to Lou on another post. But do you have ‘false memories’? At its worst it was honestly mental torture for me, I wanted to end it.

But thank you. I hope you are feeling alright

Yes the first time I did.I had to call family and make sure I didnt do the thing I was remembering .They could be violent memories

They have been the main thing that’s destroyed my life at the moment. Eventually I got stuck on things I couldn’t be reassured on and it sent me into overdrive!

Yes I'm glad you dont feel alone Victoria. I'm glad our stories are heard and can relate.

I will be here :)

@travdart...you're not..its the OCD making you think its you.I also have Pure O..for almost 30 years.

These false memories really have stopped my life completely ? I’m better than I was, but I’ve lost everything (it feels like)

I've had pure o since I was a child and false memory is a part of that. I find the OCD attaches itself to events with some shred of truth and then blows it out of proportion into something it's not. Trying to analyze it makes it worse. There is no certainty in almost everything. Trust me when I say you have to stop ruminating to recover, no matter how anxious it makes you feel. It will take time, days weeks or months but the anxiety will ease and the fear and uncertainty will too.

I’ve found that the hard way. I’ve tried to stop ruminating for around 4/5 days and I feel a lot better. But sometimes it comes back a bit and I have a bad day. It’s based on a real event but details get added to it the more I thought. I started with a list of 20/30 horrible. False memories, but now I’m just stuck on one!

I had the same. The more I tried be to figure it out and feel happy it wasn't true the more I ended up adding to it. When the thoughts get strong again and I have a bad day, it's always because I engage with the thoughts. There is always the fear, "What if it is true?" But we need to take a leap of faith and not ruminate.

Hi Garrett. Thanks for your comments your so right. I had a bad week but spoke to my therapist today and feel better. I felt so much better last week as I didn't ruminate. And guess what??? That's what I am going to do from today. This is all OCD and it won't beat me. Hope you are well xx

Did you overcome False Memories Garrett? :)

Well I have only been in therapy for a few months but I would say that since stopping the ruminating and not reassuring myself that I'm innocent, the false memories seem so much less real. I still have to refuse ruminating about them to avoid a relapse. The false memory thing has gone on for about 3 years on the same fear and it was terrifying, but stopping the ruminating and taking the anxiety ,is the only thing that has really helped. But you have to give up checking your memories, it sounds hard, but it really is a lot better than continuing in an endless cycle of fear.

3 years? that would have been too much for me. I was completely sent over the edge for 2 months and wanted to end it. I’ll agree with that, for a week or so I’ve stopped and things a considerably better. From a 10/10 to a 6/10. Does stopping ruminating and just taking anxiety reduce anxiety gradually over time? The less I pay attention to it, the less real the memories seem. But I’ve only been doing it a week. It tries to trick me into thinking it will never work and I won’t get better (I think that’s OCD thoughts)

Yes that's the ocd trying to trick you into reverting back to going down the rabbit hole. The anxiety does reduce, as time goes on. The anxiety is the real enemy so when you feel it and refuse to engage the thoughts you are taking away it's power. It's hard and you'll feel doubts, but stick with it. I never believed it would help me but I know it's put me on the right road.

Yeah it is great to talk to people who really understand what we're all going through Lou. From my experience don't be tempted to go back in to check scenarios, as you start to feel better. I find with time, free of rumination, less of a need to check and just have an awareness that it's ok.

Thanks Garrett. I won't be doing that again as that is what I did this week!! This one is a milder intrusive thought but an absolute bugger to get rid of. I have been very down about losing my Mum and it was the 2nd anniversary in Feb. That's why I know it is hanging around for longer as it is praying on my weakness. Little sod that it is! X

Garret would you say you are still gradually improving as time goes by? Yeah, as soon as my head starts to go back I just repeat my little mantra. I haven’t ruminated about any of the other things I had before and they are basically gone. I’m powering through one, this one is sticking but I feel it losing power when I put my head to it. I hope you are both ok. We can come back on this forum to chat? Since we are going through the same thing :)

You’re right. It is the OCD, it’s not a reassurance. You just have to recognise, that’s the OCD. But I’m going to focus on something else The more you do that, the less your brain will send you the thoughts and anxiety that comes with it!

Hi Lewis. Hope you had a good day. Yep I am saying the mantra now! From now on I'm not taking these thoughts seriously.....It is the false memory ocd...... I know I will feel better again and just wish it would hurry up!!

Did you have this before and you overcome it? I know you did it for one day, but doesn’t it feel a lot better as soon as you start doing it? It did for me. Instead of fighting it

Do you struggle with ‘real event’ false memories? Like you remember a part of something then add loads of details because you ruminated? I need to stick at it. It’s been the worst 3 months of my life, I couldn’t do anything. A memory from like 2 years ago popped up ?

Oh yes I suppose so. My obsession atm is that years ago I shared a bed with my niece......that was real.....I woke up in the night and had squashed her against the wall by accident, bless her....that was real......then the OCD says as I only had my nightie on what if when I was asleep I put my leg on her and my bits accidentally touched her.......the made up bit! The more I worry and analyse it the more it seems real although I would never ever do that intentionally. Who knows how you lay when you are asleep but then the OCD says ... Ahhhhh but yes....what if......this....or that......

Yeah I definitely feel better as time goes on. It's slow but that's ok. The real event with false memories, I spent the 3 years trying to solve with logic and reasoning. I've had ocd since I was 7 years old, I still remember the first intrusive thought like it was yesterday. I'm 52 now and this is the first strategy that's ever really helped. I knew it was a mental illness but had no idea it was of till about 2 years ago. It's a shame how few people, are aware of what it is. I feel desperately sorry for those still suffering without knowing what it is

That’s good to hear Garrett. Logic and reasoning ironically isn’t what works with OCD ? But doing the opposite actually works?! I think I developed OCD over the last few years and it just reached a point at Christmas. It exploded and now I’m stuck on one topic over a Facebook conversation with somebody I can’t remember who/what it was. So it jumps to worst case! Didn’t know it was OCD until I found Ali Greymond on YouTube What other strategies did you try? Let’s stick at it, no Rumination. How do you stop ruminating/reacting Garrett? (Sorry for the questions)

Ask whatever you like Lewis, sure we're all here to help each other. Every time I catch myself drifting into rumination, I stop and do something else. The urge to continue ruminating is strong for sure but refusing to do it is taking on the real enemy, anxiety. No matter how often the thoughts come. I think it's not so much blocking them as not getting into an internal debate with them .

Other things I find that helps is, exercise, sleep and mindfulness helps especially with getting sleep. Talking to others, even singing to yourself. Anything but internal debate, about the same old junk

Oh my goodness Garrett!!!! Well there you go! It's all just crappy OCD! It prays on the things that are most dear to you. Everyone around you thinks it is just silly and would forget about it but oh no....not is ocders!!!! We dig and dig and dig and come up with absolutely nothing! I've had this one for about 2 or so months. Never had it before and don't intend to ever have it again! Let's make a promise to each other......not to ruminate all weekend and see how we feel?!! I'm 47 xx

Had this for 2 months too Lou. So yes, I’ll make the promise! You can slip up, as long as you catch yourself and put it right! :) Small goals, let’s make it to Sunday! :D Thank you Garret, I don’t have issues getting to sleep. At night everything is fine, its when I wake up it blows up for some reason haha. I try and be mindful of the moment. But it’s very hard!

I’m only 22..:/

Okay!! Let's tell each other Sunday how we are feeling and if we started ruminating or not!! And mine is awful in the mornings but I have started jogging every Morning.....well walking mostly!! It has helped a lot! Xx

Yeah the mornings are usually the worst, I find taking a shower in the morning helps and staying occupied. Definitely not laying in the bed. Yeah let's refuse to give it our attention and see how we're doing Sunday, good luck you guys.

Yes good luck !!! I am so glad I found this site! We can all encourage each other!! Xx

I’ll check in with you guys tomorrow night! Goodnight!

Me too!! I'll start a new thread! Night night xx can't wait to see how we all get on!! Xx

You seem like you’re looking forward to it ? I’ll try my best!

Yep sleep well , you guys, you're not on your own

Also, is your councillor good? How much does she charge for FaceTime appointments? I have one at the moment. But just in case haha

I'm so happy my post began this awesome convo!

Managed to keep the thoughts mostly at bay this morning. Even if I push the thoughts away, is it normal to just have the constant feeling of anxiety in the background? I just weather the anxiety and stay away from the thoughts

Yeah I find especially at first, the anxiety is always in the background but it will ease. I think the key really is, to have the anxiety and not reassure. When the thoughts come, just let them go, unanswered. I know it's easier said than done but every time I do it, I think, there's a point against ocd.

I sometimes take a Diazepam if the anxiety is a bit much. Yeah, it’s a horrible feeling. But having the anxiety there without going into reassurance kinda feels powering when you get through it. My anxiety tends to last most of the day, eases off as time goes on

Well done Lewis! I have been trying really hard today and my goodness the OCD hadn't liked it at all!!!!! The thoughts have seem the realist ever but I know that is the OCD so I ignored it.......the anxiety has been very high but I ignored it......when I found i was reassuring myself I pulled myself up. At one point I heard the OCD call me a bitch!!!! Good!!!! It's been really really hard and so hard to not go over the thought today but it will get easier. X

The first day of doing it is always the hardest. Because the brain isn’t used to you not paying attention. Then it gets easier. But as it gets easier, don’t fall into the trap of thinking it’s safe to go back and think! Let’s do this, keep going for the rest of the day! We promised!

We did Indeed promise and thank you so much Lewis!! Yes i have fallen into that trap a couple of times on this one over the last few weeks. I will keep going and thank you so much for your words of encouragement! I know it will seem even more real as I'm not engaging with it but that will become clearer the more I don't pay attention! Hope you are doing well too!!!! I am actually going out tonight in the first time in about 3 months! I didn't want to but thought sod this OCD!!!! Xx

Alcohol is a great temporary fix ? (bad advice) but it makes it better haha. Go try have fun! Repeat the mantra, especially the “It’s false memory OCD, I’m now going to live my life now! And not deal with this anymore” If it comes in your head tonight, think that. It’s ok to talk into the trap, but if you get yourself out quickly it’s fine. You diffuse it! It’s when you fully look into it where you trip up!

I won't drink much at all. Really gone off it now!! Doesn't help ! Mind you when I am better I might not say that! And thank you I will remember that mantra x

Haha of course! Drinking is partly the reason I’m in this mess ? But have a good night. Speak later

Thank you. Speak later. X

Hi guys. Well I went out. The thoughts were still going crazy and I felt bad for laughing sometimes. I am so trying not to go over the thoughts but it is so blooming hard. They seem so real....I know this is part of the recovery but it scares me terribly xx

Hi Lou, they're terribly hard for sure but remember reviewing it never works for long, all it did for me longterm was create more false memories . It's so hard because these issues are our worst fears. That's all they are though, fears.Do your best to hold out, if you give in ,don't beat yourself up, just try again and keep trying. It'll get easier Lou.

It’s always going to be harder at the beginning. I resisted mental compulsions as much as I could today. Overall I’d say good, but don’t beat yourself up. I feel guilty for having a good time too, but just try and enjoy the moment as much as possible!

How we doing today?

Hi Lewis.... Well....my anxiety is absolutely through the roof!! I have felt sick most of the day and stomach flipping. I have tried so hard not to engage in the thoughts.....It is so hard though when feeling this anxious! Although it doesn't feel like it today I do think this is the right way and I am feeling like this because I am trying with all of my might not to give in......It tries to make me believe it is real and boy, it is doing a good job especially with this amount of anxiety!!!! How are you getting on today? Xx

Tempted a fair few times, but I want to stay off that hamster wheel. I just remind myself, it doesn't work.

Yeah it’s going well I’d say. A few times drifted into it, but came back out. The anxiety has dropped. At points I do things and forget for a moment and it feels a bit normal. But the less attention we pay it, the more it goes away. That’s the only certainty

Very true Garrett.....but isn't it so scary? It makes you think it is all real.....I know this feeling will stop if I carry on but my god this one is so hard and funnily enough one of the milder OCD obsessions I have had! The others have been so much worse in the thoughts and what ifs! This one is daft I know but just really stuck at the moment and it scares me to death xx

Yeah Lou, not giving in when it feels so real, is desperately hard. We need to take a leap of faith despite the doubts.

I allowed the present obsession dominate the last three years by checking it (just one more time !!) Keep trying , you will get there.

Thanks Garrett. Your encouragement keeps me going. And it also helps that we both actually have the same obsession!!!! Unreal!! X

I’m glad you’ve started to recover Garrett. Three years must have been torture. Gradually it does get better. If someone offered this position to me a month or two ago I would have taken with both hands. It can definitely get better and we will live normal lives

Yeah Lou it is mad, that really helps me too I understand how desperate it feels. Lewis, your 100% on that, recovery is gradual, but slowly, peace of mind starts to emerge.

Like today I feel ‘ok’. I don’t have to force myself to resist. It feels easier at times Remember guys, don’t fall into the trap! Keep going!

Thanks guys. Today has been a real toughie for me. Been reading too much about recovery programs you can do. Was going to join a Skype group with others who have the same kind of OCD as me. Just that mine always feels real and if it isn't OCD and that I am lying x

You’ve done it before, you can do it again. I also find if you read/talk about it too much it can actually make it worse... You may think you are going to benefit but you’re seeking reassurance in a way maybe?

Yes you are so right Lewis. And thank you for your support it means so much to me x

Yeah just keep going, as Lewis says. It attacks from every angle, it really can convince you its real and not ocd. A while back I started drifting deeper into the "what ifs"and my God at the time, it felt so real. (We need to start a new thread so we don't have to scroll so far . Anyone know can you friend each other like a Facebook kinda thing ?

I'll start a new thread. I don't think you can add people as friends.