YOU GUYS. I’m so sorry to brag but I have had THE BEST OCD week. Today is my last day of band camp, which has kept me busy enough to not have many intrusive thoughts. AND!!!!! Not only that, but I’ve developed the BIGGEST crush on a boy in my section. A BOY. Like, a head over heels crush. It feels AMAZING. I know I have no chance with him- he has a girlfriend- but just HAVING THE CRUSH and getting the euphoria of talking to him feels magical. Plus, ITS A BOY. !!!!! Best of luck for everyone out there :)))

Having a little bit of a rough morning. My boyfriend and I are finally ending long distance next month and moving in together! I’m so excited, but the big change means some ROCD and SOOCD flaring up. I also got triggered by a tik tok of a bisexual woman this morning. I’ve been ruminating about: - ending long distance and being in a more consistent routine will make me realize I don’t actually love him and that we’re not compatible - I will not like spending so much time with a man but I enjoyed a long vacation with a girl friend one time (my best friend and I took a 7 week trip to Europe after we graduated college early and I had so much fun and we hardly fought / disagreed) - if i have been suppressing my attraction to women, even though I really don’t think I have feelings for women. I admire their beauty and always have, but I truly think that’s as far as it goes - substance use ocd also came up this morning? Worrying that I will become an alcoholic / that I secretly want to drugs and drink all the time I’m also getting my period in a few days and have flair ups around this time and my ovulation time. Just looking for support 🫶🏼

So I talked to my therapist about some things, and I’m doing a lot better. I’ve realized I’m obsessed with infatuation and feelings. When I expect to feel really goodly eyed over my boyfriend I don’t, sometimes I am most of the time I’m not. However I cuddle him, have desires for sex with him, I love him, I love being with him, he’s funny, his personality is attractive. I also want my physical attraction to grow. I’m afraid if I don’t look at him an ogle that it means I should be with someone I can do that with.But physical attraction is fleeting. He’s amazing he should be the father of my kids, I am not wanting to give up. This is half ocd half not. I wand to feel a certain way but honesty ? I have to allow myself to feel these things and stop fearing. Like allow myself to reflect on his heart and the things I love instead of focusing on obsessing over something I don’t like.

So I recently met this girl and honestly she is amazing. She’s beautiful and her personality is perfect. She lives only 15 min away from me and I feel blessed to have a chance to get to know her, we both feel the same. But here comes OCD to ruin it. My OCD has latched onto a friend of mine. He’s a pretty close friend and we talk often. He’s never really one to let out a laugh so I always like to hear him laugh and just be able to have a good time. Partially it’s because I just don’t want to think I’m annoying and unfunny, I’m pretty self concious about myself. OCD is turning this into some sort of scary what if I like him question. I don’t have romantic feelings for my friend and I don’t actually want to be with a man. I am a straight male and getting to know this girl has been a blessing. OCD makes me feel in denial and as if I’m lying to myself. I hate this. It feels awful, when I haven’t felt this way about a girl in a long time