i am actually convinced i am gay in denial. i feel like i like it and want it, i barely get any anxiety AND i get thoughts that sound like denial such as "you won't be accepted that's why you're in denial". i can actually see myself turning out to be gay in denial and been hiding it all along. even saying i don't want it feels like denial. i just want to kms at this point

but why does it feel like i actually like it?????? and want it?? and enjoy it?? i feel like i really do and just can't accept it!! can ocd feel this real???? like saying i don't want to feels like a lie

@Nour04 Could you have possibly tricked your brain into thinking you like it through performing constant compulsions when you see a trigger?

@Anonymous is this a genuine or rhetorical question?

@Nour04 Bit of both, stop doing compulsions altogether and learn to let the thoughts just be thoughts.

@Anonymous i am avoiding sometimes some compuslions such as imagining scenarios because they make me feel like i want it. isn't that denial though???

@Nour04 I reached my lowest point of OCD through imagining myself in scenarios to see if I got an erection, nothing ever happened but my brain always wanted more and more to reassure myself. It is quite possibly the worst thing you can do. Stop that immediately, talk to a parent or someone close and vent all of your HOCD experiences out to them. It helps massively. And stop every single compulsion immediately. But to be honest, therapy sessions are probably your best way forward. You need to learn how to deal with these thoughts and realise that if you don't like something then you can simply not do it.

@Anonymous did you ever feel like you genuinely liked the thoughts????

@Nour04 No but that's what OCD does, it tells you you like something. My brain would say I'm gay until I'd perform a compulsion to check and see if I'd get an erection over gay scenarios. I never would but when I was done with the compulsion check I'd sit there weeping in tears absolutely horrified with myself. The worst part was that I know the reassurance of that check would only last a small amount of time until the OCD demands another torturous compulsive check from me. It was pure agony, I thought about suicide a lot, especially after the checks. Compulsions feed the OCD, stop them now

@Nour04 Can OCD feel this real? Absolutely it can, that’s kind of its whole thing. If it can convince someone that the only way to prevent their whole family from dying is to check a doorknob a specific number of times, it can certainly convince you that you’re gay. Never underestimate just how real OCD can feel, and stop trying to reason with it. It doesn’t reason, and it doesn’t respond to proof or facts.