i need to talk i am crying someone help

someone just told me i am bi. it seems so true, it feels like i do like it amd am only scared of my parents. and now i am crying whilst having these thougjts of having a gf and it feels like i am crying because i am in denial

@Nour04 I’m really sorry!! It’s really hard for me to get over the fact that I’m in denial too. Do your parents know you have OCD?

@Whyyocd no :( i tried opening up to my mum but she wasn't understanding. does it ever feel super real for you?? like you want it?? and when you cry it feels like you're crying because you can't accept it?? like i just "saw myself from the outside" and it looked like i was this teen who's struggling to accept her sexuality and that i am in denial. i can even imagine a future where i am gay and all of this turned out to be denial and feel barely any anxiety. it feels super real for me like there's no way i am straight :( and last question: is part of your fear linked a bit to you being scared of not being accepted?? like i know this exactly is denial. i fear that i am gay mostly because i don't want it, but recently it's added the fact that i may not be accepted. saying this i felt like i was repressing my homosexuality and am in denial :(

@Nour04 and it feels like if i just "let myself" i will enjoy it. it feels like i do like it :( have you ever felt this way?? has it ever been this real for you???

@Nour04 It feels like it’s real when I get the groinal responses. And I cry because of the intrusive thoughts and images and because I keep thinking what if I’m just in denial. And just the fact that I’m 22 and my whole life has seemed to changed from one thought. And that I’m gonna lose my bf. I know my family would love me regardless but one of the reasons I worry what if I’m in denial is because I grew up religiously.

@Nour04 I have wondered what if I just let myself be with a woman then will all of this go away

@Whyyocd but when you cry does it feel like you're crying cause you're in denial?? do i sound in denial from what i've told you????

@Nour04 When I’m crying it’s because it feels like my whole life is ruined just from the thought “what if I’m gay” and now I can’t stop thinking about what if I’ve always been gay but just didn’t know it. Everyone is different though. And I think OCD can make you believe a lot of things. It’s really hard.

it felt like i was crying because i knew i liked it but just couldn't accept it

@Nour04 i was just reading a book and was flooded by images of me being with women, both romantically and sexually and i barely reacted, and then my mind goes "you're in denial and you know it" and now i feel uneasy. like i can SEE myself turning out to be in denial, it feels like i am truly gay/bi because i have been feeling like i want and like the scenarios and thoughts. i can SEE myself ending up being in denial all along and it scares me. it just all feels so real :( and i am convinced i am gay in denial. i can't even imagine myself with a man anymore. how is this not denial???

@Nour04 and i feel like i am repressing it. part of my fear is because i won't be accepted, but it's also a matter of preference (it was just preference at first but now the fear of not being accepted has surged) and i am aware this is literally the meaning of being in denial :( do you ever have that fear? i feel like i am truly in denial and like i really want the thoughts and can't accept myself