That sounds like a lot of difficult emotions. But I think you're definitely doing the right thing by not thinking about it!
but it feels like i do like it, and that i enjoy having "crushes" on women, and that i am genuinely bi in denial
@Nour04 It sounds like you really want certainty
@Mary Hinchliffe but it feels real! how can this be ocd??
@Nour04 OCD always feels real!