I have a date Thursday with a guy I went to school with and it’s giving me a lot of intrusive thoughts. I don’t find him extremely attractive (although I haven’t seen him in about 4 years), but his personality was always amazing and he’s seriously funny, so thought I’d go out with him to see how things go. However because i don’t think I find him very attractive at the min (only been speaking online for a few days) im now scared this is a sign I must be gay as I see women all the time that are pretty :( Im trying hard to say whatever to the thoughts and go on this date anyway even though everything in me is saying to cancel just incase

I'm proud of you for going on the date! Its okay to not feel immediate attraction or sparks, real life isn't like the movies. Its also okay if a date doesn't go that well. Try not to ruminate on the specifics, just take this date as a one time experience to a future of dates:)

@alexisrae1999 Thank you so much for your advice :) I’ll go out with him again if he asks as sometimes first date nerves can make it hard to develop feelings (for me anyways)

@Melodyocd I feel that about the first date nerves! You got this :) you're not going to fall in love on a first date either.

@alexisrae1999 Very true! I guess I just always expect to fancy them sooo much, but I’ve honestly come away feeling nothing which sucks. Makes me think I’m numb to emotions slightly

@Melodyocd I can relate to this and maybe you can too, maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself to feel a certain way so your expectations are like SKY high. So you don't really let yourself live in the moment because you're so in your head. I'm trying to stay more present which is super hard 🤣👏

@alexisrae1999 Yes that’s exactly how I feel too! Maybe I need to start meditating or something hahah

@Melodyocd Its horrible isn't it? I actually found that when I went into situations with past boyfriends and was like "hmm you know I'm just going to "not care" (this was before I even knew OCD was more than hand washing and stuff lol), I found that I felt mildly uncomfortable (because "not caring" is the opposite of what OCD wants you to do, it wants you to overanalyze everything). But what I also found was that I was able to feel so much more for each of them :)

@alexisrae1999 Thank you that’s such good advice haha! When I went on my date I tried to do that, I’m worried tho bc I don’t really fancy him, his personality is just amazing and he’s an amazing guy but I just don’t know if I find him physically attractive. I also just keep seeing pretty women everywhere and it just makes me worried I just actually fancy them and I have to accept it.

@Melodyocd You're welcome! I'd say if you really liked him and his personality is great, I'd give him another chance. Physically attraction can come with time! I also worry about the pretty women thing, but I also have to remind myself that I have eyes 😂. If someone is very obviously attractive, there's no denying that, and you're not the only one who is noticing either. Its all about how you react to it. With me, I haven't felt like "butterflies" or that "pull" its more like I have felt inferior or insecure (because of issues in the past with self esteem). Maybe your noticing comes from a place of insecurity and you could work on that? Don't ruminate on it too much, but its ALWAYS good to work on your self esteem/worth no matter what 😊

@alexisrae1999 Yes I think a lot of mine is to do with self esteem too. I think this is also why I haven’t been in a relationship, I almost self sabotage as I love the idea of a relationship, especially with guys I’m crushing on… then I imagine myself in the scenario with them and I’m like “ew no I’m to gross for him to like me/ wanna do that with me” and it ruines the vibe haha

@Melodyocd Girl lmao that was me for the LONGEST time omg. I just thought I was disgusting and no one would want me for the right reasons 😂. You're not alone! Sounds like we both need to continue on our self esteem journey

100% agree with you! I worry more when I'm feeling self conscious, judged, or like the center of attention is on me. Then I go and compare to literally any guy in the room and pray for the best lol, a bad compulsion to do

Thank you! I do tend to focus on what you said “what I should be feeling” I wish I could just relax and let my feeling happen naturally but I overanalyse everything haha!

@Melodyocd I completely understand, I overanalyze everything on dates too 😂. but I notice that when I just go into it and "not care" as much everything feels so much more natural

@alexisrae1999 I wish I could do that haha! 😂 I wanna get excited for dates and have a laugh but instead I’m on the verge of a panic attack ahah

@Melodyocd Its super hard to do LOL trust me, so don't beat yourself up about it. My first date I went on was a christmas light show/walk through and then we hung out in the city. Extremely romantic so I was pissing my pants the whole time wondering if he was going to kiss me 😂

@alexisrae1999 Awh that does sound sooo cute!! When things get all romantic and cute I tend to avoid it hahah, I guess I get worried I’m going to look stupid or something 😂 how did the date end up? Was it good?

@Melodyocd It was very cute but I was also worried I looked dumb or awkward 😂. I was also focused on how I felt like I was supposed to feel, so i was anxious a lot of it (plus i didn't tell my family where I was and I was out until 2am in lmaoo). It was a really fun time though, and he was really cute--ended up being my first boyfriend :).

@alexisrae1999 Awh that’s so cute!! I’m so glad you had a nice time! I’m yet to do anything romantic/sexual or have a boyfriend due to intrusive thoughts and anxiety haha, and I’m 22 next month. Always feels so embarrassing

@Melodyocd I was 20! There is no shame in waiting to date until you think you're ready :). I also waited because of my extreme anxiety and intrusive thoughts, you're not alone. I'm sure a lot of us kind of have the same experience because of what we're dealing with

@Melodyocd I am going to be 22 this year and haven't had a boyfriend or done anything romantic/sexual either as well. So, you are definitely not alone! I don't know if anyone else has started to doubt any crushes on guys you have had in the past to where you are afraid that they were all somehow fake because of these thoughts.

@Mak46 Awh thank you both! Nice to know I’m not the only one, I always feel so behind compared to my friends. And yeah I always second guess all my past crushes, especially since I had a lot of crushes on male celebs as well. I also haven’t had a proper crush in a very very long time which makes me worried

@Melodyocd I second guess my crushes or attractions to men in the past as well! More because I found had so many male celebrities crushes and didn’t find the boys my age as attractive and was uninterested at times. But I found and still notice when a girl is pretty way more. This is where my ocd comes in as well! Try not to look to much into and and search for answers that will not be there! I try to do the same.