you don’t have to dump him to have a career, take time to work on urself and give some healthy space to the relationship. i went through Rocd and didn’t take the time needed for myself to grow and find out what career i wanted or what i wanted at all. Now that we’re not together it’s easy for me to see that we just needed healthy space and it would help a lot w the annoying feelings toward ur partner. i hope this relates in some way?
Remember that if you just stick it out and focus on real life, the confusion will pass. Try to think of this panicky feeling almost like feeling sick or having a headache. These things just happen sometimes. And you don’t have to keep monitoring to check if it’s over yet—your job is to disengage from that and re-engage with every day experiences. It helps me to think “it’s ok if I don’t feel so good about the relationship in this moment” and “nobody said I have to make a decision one way or another this week.” Try to just frame it like you’re in a shitty mood this week and you’re in no place to make a judgement calls—tell yourself you’ll evaluate things next week (which is just a way of delaying compulsions to eventually hopefully resist doing them altogether).
I’ve been there and I know how panicky you feel. I’m sorry you’re going through that. It’s really scary but the panic will pass.