Went to st Augustine with my bf and his fam. Was really wanting to have a good time but I can’t stop focusing on ANYTHING because I’m so focused on what’s occurring in my groin area. Everything is triggering me right now. I focus all attention on my groin no matter what I’m doing/thinking. Can’t even enjoy intimate moments with my bf because I’m constantly comparing groinal responses. Can’t take it anymore. I just want to live my life

Can anyone help me to stop groinal hyperawareness when exposing myself to triggering images?? Every time I look at them I get groinal hyperawareness and it’s such a pain that every time I look I can feel literally everything down there😔

Since my ocd started when I was 15 and I did get into a long term relationship during it, my ocd has me obsessing over it. simply bc ofc when you have soocd sometimes (depends on the person) your attraction to ppl isn’t that strong or basically non existent. We ended up becoming friends and developing a relationship and I do remember thinking he was cute and had a little crush for a while I felt like a normal teenager again. We had small hangouts and I felt free because I actually felt normal and I wasn’t questioning anything when we would be together. Eventually we started dating but ofc OCD, anxiety, and depression ruled my life during that time so I wasn’t able to fully enjoy the relationship. But there definitely were times where I did (he also was a horrible boyfriend in the end). But I keep over analyzing and thinking maybe I was forcing myself in that relationship. Bc of SOOCD I didn’t enjoy being intimate because I felt numb and was always constantly checking feelings, emotions, arousal, attraction etc. I even had ROCD moment because I was finding a certain guy attractive and I had a small crush on him and I was worried I was losing feelings for my ex (again he was an rlly bad boyfriend). But i also know that I did like him but i keep on thinking “what if i didn’t” “what if the reason you couldn’t full enjoy the relationship was bc you are just in denial” “you’ve been in denial all your life” “there’s too much proof.” When we broke up i was literally devastated I WAS BALLING FOR HOURS. Now that i’m in a relationship with someone who made me feel genuine feelings and attraction after a LONG ASS TIME of pure numbness my mind can’t stop questioning. I still deal with numbness and basically no libido or attraction and this flare up is making it worse. I was doing so good all the worries were gone (again regardless of the numbness, barely any attraction, and no libido) I slowly felt myself coming back. It felt so sweet with my man even when the flare up was barely starting, when i was with him I went back to feeling calm (even when i was constantly checking if i was triggered). When the anxiety and intrusive thoughts are at bay (like a couple days ago) and I see him in person I feel slightly normal again. I feel the sweet feelings I felt for him in the beginning (getting harder now bc of compulsions). But when i’m home i go back to over analyzing EVERYTHING which makes me feel more numb. I just hate this I HATE THIS. I just want to sleep all day so I don’t have to deal with this. I want my brain to just stfu. I want to enjoy my life for once. i’ve been suffering from this since i was 15/16 now im in my 20s how much more of this shit do i have to take.

TW - Groinal Responses 18+ Also tmi As of the last week or two, I have no idea why or how, but the groinal responses have gotten so, so much worse... Today was so bad... And I'm still having a very hard time. Like, I don't even know if I want to say how bad it really is. It's beyond just obsessing about it; I have to try to distract myself so something doesn't actually happen from the groinal response (I'm intentionally being vague bc I don't want to say much about the situation). I'm seriously struggling... and I don't know what to do or how it can change... This is tmi too, but years ago I had another issue regarding groinal responses. And even just the thought of it made my body do something I would have thought couldn't have happened just from thinking and worrying about it happening [the thing my body did back then isn't as distressing as I'm worried about my body doing now] (and yes, I'm intentionally being vague again) My mind and body are very against me right now...