When you say it becomes easy to think those thoughts, does that mean you begin to ruminate? Are you able to sit still with those thoughts and accept them as is without dissecting them and analyzing what you think? Because it sounds like you are still trying to get a result from the experience, and that might be hindering your progress. Is it possible to still be close to a person with the possibility that they are lying to you, and that they are not trust worthy ? I think letting go of the expectation of what you’re supposed to feel by doing this will allow you to work through the anxiety.
Hey thanks for your response. No it doesn't mean that I begin to ruminate. I just noticed it impacts me emotionally. Like I feel less trusting of them after spending all this time doing exposures telling myself they aren't trustworthy. It doesn't feel like an obsession, just feels like part of me has established that they can't be trusted and so I feel distant from them. That said, you make a good point here. It is possible that I still trying to get a result from the experience. I know that I'm new at this so perhaps I just need to trust the process and give it some more time. I appreciate your insights!
@wilde Ah yea I see. So this is the interesting part of ERP. It’s not about how you feel, as much as being able to feel it and not give into compulsions. I would say your desire for the feeling to go away is a big indicator that you are giving into a compulsion. Possibly “neautrilizing” the feeling. Even if you’re not giving in to the compulsion, you are still desiring to feel a different way about your partner. The ultimate recovery is when you can feel and think things, and accept them for how they are. But at the moment you are still getting triggered by this feeling, so I recommend you do the erp more, until that feeling stops triggering you.
@Sasha Basically if you can still love your partner and have the feeling and thoughts that he’s untrustworthy, you will be able to overcome OCD. But if you can’t deal with this thought, you will try to convince yourself that he’s a good person, and that will only fuel the ocd. The ocd will say “why are you trying to convince me? Someone who is trustworthy doesn’t need convincing.” And there OCD will take control. But if you tell ocd “sure he could be a big old liar. And I can feel this feeling forever. I accept this uncertainty and I will still be with him.”
@Sasha Then ocd becomes neutralized. And eventually it won’t phase you, and the feeling will by itself weaken
@Sasha I see what you're saying! I really appreciate you sharing more. It is super helpful. I think part of what's going on is that I'm very new to this so I just don't even know what life is like without OCD. I'm just going to trust the process and give it more time and hopefully eventually all of these blanks will be filled in! But what you're saying makes total sense and has helped me see some blind spots. Thank you!!🙏
@wilde You have great insight already! Just keep doing it! You will be Golden!
This is my fear and why I haven’t yet tried ERP with similar intrusive thoughts about my partner. Scared that I’ll end up truly believing them.
Yeah I've been definitely struggling with this. One thing I have tried is after doing the exposures and I am in a neutral place (i.e. not triggered or feeling obsessive) is remind myself of all the reasons they are a great partner and actually are trustworthy. It doesn't feel like a compulsion, just feels kind of like a gratitude list for my partner that reminds me of all their good qualities. It seems to help on some level. But I'm a newbie! Would love to hear what your experiences are once you start ERP.