My intrusive thoughts tell me my partner is lying to me, even though they are a very honest person and I do actually trust them. I've been doing ERP for about a week and it's helpful, BUT after doing sessions where I repeat to myself over and over again that my partner is a liar, not to be trusted, etc., it becomes very easy to start believing those thoughts. Yes, I say to myself, "She could be a liar or she may not be, there's no way to know." But having that uncertainty in my mind makes it really hard to develop trust with my partner and bond with them. I have no idea how to handle this. Does it make sense to anyone else? Open to suggestions! Thank you.

Sasha

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

When you say it becomes easy to think those thoughts, does that mean you begin to ruminate? Are you able to sit still with those thoughts and accept them as is without dissecting them and analyzing what you think? Because it sounds like you are still trying to get a result from the experience, and that might be hindering your progress. Is it possible to still be close to a person with the possibility that they are lying to you, and that they are not trust worthy ? I think letting go of the expectation of what you’re supposed to feel by doing this will allow you to work through the anxiety.

wilde

Date posted: 4y

Hey thanks for your response. No it doesn't mean that I begin to ruminate. I just noticed it impacts me emotionally. Like I feel less trusting of them after spending all this time doing exposures telling myself they aren't trustworthy. It doesn't feel like an obsession, just feels like part of me has established that they can't be trusted and so I feel distant from them. That said, you make a good point here. It is possible that I still trying to get a result from the experience. I know that I'm new at this so perhaps I just need to trust the process and give it some more time. I appreciate your insights!

Sasha

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

@wilde Ah yea I see. So this is the interesting part of ERP. It’s not about how you feel, as much as being able to feel it and not give into compulsions. I would say your desire for the feeling to go away is a big indicator that you are giving into a compulsion. Possibly “neautrilizing” the feeling. Even if you’re not giving in to the compulsion, you are still desiring to feel a different way about your partner. The ultimate recovery is when you can feel and think things, and accept them for how they are. But at the moment you are still getting triggered by this feeling, so I recommend you do the erp more, until that feeling stops triggering you.

Sasha

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

@Sasha Basically if you can still love your partner and have the feeling and thoughts that he’s untrustworthy, you will be able to overcome OCD. But if you can’t deal with this thought, you will try to convince yourself that he’s a good person, and that will only fuel the ocd. The ocd will say “why are you trying to convince me? Someone who is trustworthy doesn’t need convincing.” And there OCD will take control. But if you tell ocd “sure he could be a big old liar. And I can feel this feeling forever. I accept this uncertainty and I will still be with him.”

Sasha

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

@Sasha Then ocd becomes neutralized. And eventually it won’t phase you, and the feeling will by itself weaken

wilde

Date posted: 4y

@Sasha I see what you're saying! I really appreciate you sharing more. It is super helpful. I think part of what's going on is that I'm very new to this so I just don't even know what life is like without OCD. I'm just going to trust the process and give it more time and hopefully eventually all of these blanks will be filled in! But what you're saying makes total sense and has helped me see some blind spots. Thank you!!🙏

Sasha

User type: OCD Conqueror

Date posted: 4y

@wilde You have great insight already! Just keep doing it! You will be Golden!

Angel20

Date posted: 4y

This is my fear and why I haven’t yet tried ERP with similar intrusive thoughts about my partner. Scared that I’ll end up truly believing them.

wilde

Date posted: 4y

Yeah I've been definitely struggling with this. One thing I have tried is after doing the exposures and I am in a neutral place (i.e. not triggered or feeling obsessive) is remind myself of all the reasons they are a great partner and actually are trustworthy. It doesn't feel like a compulsion, just feels kind of like a gratitude list for my partner that reminds me of all their good qualities. It seems to help on some level. But I'm a newbie! Would love to hear what your experiences are once you start ERP.

Anonymous

Date posted: 21w

Relationship OCD- fear of cheating

I have this deep fear I’ll accidentally cheat on my long term partner. This fear was initially triggered a couple years ago after being at a bar with my friends where I enjoyed the attention of being flirted with by a stranger. Because of my enjoyment of receiving verbal attention, I began spiraling about what if I accidentally cheat. Since then I have made multiple confessions to my partner to seek reassurance, replayed events over and over in my head, spent hours googling/looking at reddit threads, and now I dread “bar like” situations where I know my partner won’t be around. Today I was triggered and have wasted about 4-5 hours of my day ruminating. Does anyone else with relationship ocd struggle with this fear and have any tips?

hbocd

Date posted: 20w

ERP Therapy

I read about ERP and have seen information about it on here. One of the goals is to say, "maybe I am this or that...ect." That terrified me. The thoughts and images that go in my head are disturbing and upsetting. I don't want to even think about saying, "maybe this or that." It's devasting to have these thoughts and question why you're having these thoughts. Doesn't the "maybe" make it worse? The one thing that helps me is that is to remind myself that these are just thoughts and I know I'm not a monster, even if I feel like one. Is ERP not for everyone? Has anyone else had a problem with the techniques used in this kind of therapy? I had cognitive therapy for years with an OCD specialist and that seemed to help a lot. Writing out the worst case scenarios would make me suicidal. Im having a difficult time not obsessing over the "maybe" after intrusive thoughts now. It doesn't make it better.

Jpais28

Date posted: 20w

ROCD advice help for supporting partner

I am at a very difficult spot in my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 years, and I have a history of cheating that for years we’ve been trying to work through. To me, it makes a lot of sense that my OCD has attached itself to this and for the last few years I’ve experienced intrusive sexual thoughts of others and relationship ocd. I have been open to him about the content of my thoughts and now, with a proper diagnosis of an anxiety disorder, I am able to reframe them and work through them with ERP so that my brain will *hopefully* get bored and stop sending them. But, things have not been easy. As a result of this and everything in our past, he has become anxious about all the scenarios where I could be having sexualized thoughts about other people. To him, if I am thinking something utterly different than what I am telling him or acting like to him, he can’t fully trust it. And of course, I can imagine how difficult it is to know your life partner is sexualizing others in her brain and to be able find a way to dismiss them as unthreatening, especially when past mistakes say otherwise. Is there anyone that has gone through this with a partner? And other than repeatedly explaining the egodystonic nature of my thoughts and providing reassurance, what are some things you did that helped them? Any advice helps! Thank you

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