I haven’t been diagnosed with OCD because I haven’t been able to see a therapist, but I’m almost certain I have it. I keep having intrusive thoughts and frequently feel guilty about a specific mistake a made in the past. I think that’s rumination? I’ve also noticed that I always seek reassurance whenever I feel guilty for that mistake. I know that I do it too much and shouldn’t stress out other people by always asking. I had a bad night’s sleep thinking about a mistake I made a few years ago and how I should be punished for it, so I think it may be OCD that’s making me feel excessively guilty. If I don’t seek reassurance, I tend to feel horrible. I know that I shouldn’t look for reassurance, but sitting with the feeling of intense guilt is so hard. I just wanted to share what I’ve been going through because no one close to me has OCD and I don’t think they fully understand what I’m going through. This app makes me feel like I’m not alone in this and I’m really glad this app exists.

i’ve been dealing with this “thing” since i was 15. (i’m 23 now) if i have a bad memory that i have done when i was really young or just an intrusive thought i feel like i need to tell my mom or boyfriend. it’s been on and off ever since but since January hit it’s been an everyday thing about the littlest things. mostly about my relationship. an example is i was talking to someone random at my job and we were talking about taxes and when im in deep thought or just thinking i do a thing where i bite my lip (not in the sexual way) and i had a thought when it happened “was that sexual?” and i felt like i did something wrong and i went for a while thinking that until i told my boyfriend about it. or like my ex’s face has popped up in my head in the most inappropriate times and i feel the need that i have to tell him. (my ex was not a good person) i feel like im a prisoner in my head everyday, trying to justify thoughts or remind myself that its just a thought. i didnt know that this was or could be a form of ocd. it runs in my family but i’ve just never considered it being this. i always called it anxiety or depression but i always felt like it is more than that.

i’m a new user on this app, I downloaded it just cause I was curious, I don’t really know if I have OCD. Because in school all I learned about OCD is things being out of place and having it to be perfect almost like perfectionism, but I’ve just recently realized there’s a whole kind of different types of OCD, some things I struggle with daily is a fear of bad things happening or almost like an impending doom of when is it gonna happen? I’m always in my head thinking feels like I’m having multiple conversations at once. Sometimes it doesn’t even feel like I’m having a conversation with myself. I have horrendous anxiety about everything and anything talking to people being around people. It just feels like it consumes my everyday life and I don’t know what to do. I can’t clearly remember anything from my childhood and some things I feel like I may be imagining I just don’t really feel like a person. I’m always thinking the worst in my relationship over analyzing and stressing out thinking of scenarios or thinking, my boyfriend‘s cheating on me. It almost all feels out of my control.

I can’t help but feel so anxious because of guilt. I feel guilty about not sharing everything about my OCD to my partner, but because I understand that confession itself is a compulsion and would not help anyone. I feel so anxious too that if all my fears come true and she finds out, then it would be so devastating for everyone especially her. Does anyone feel the same thing? How could I change my perspective on this?