Nour04
- Date posted
- 4y
bellagbellag
- Date posted
- 4y
hey, i’ve been through this. also, you commented on one of my posts! first off, take a deep breath. the fact that you’re disturbed should show you that you don’t want that! ocd likes to trick you into thinking it’s your actual feelings/thoughts. unfortunately, you have to sit with the fear and that’s not easy :(. so take your time. you could also press the SOS button.
Nour04Nour04
- Date posted
- 4y
but it doesn't feel like i am that bothered. it feels like i want it. i don't even know if i do or not. saying i don't want to feels like a lie :(
bellagbellag
- Date posted
- 4y
@Nour04 it’s all ocd, uncertainty is ocd! everything you’re experiencing is the disorder itself. i promise it will all be ok ❤️
MRR7221MRR7221
- Date posted
- 4y
Ugh I have dealt with HOCD with for about a 1&1/2 to 2 years about 3-4 years ago. I was actually dating a guy at the time as well when these thoughts came about. OCD is the doubting disease. Like the person who commented above me says, it will trick you into thinking that they are real thoughts because they SEEM and FEEL real. That’s what OCD does unfortunately. OCD will make you continually doubt that your thoughts aren’t real.
bellagbellag
- Date posted
- 4y
this!! ^ going through TERRIBLE rocd right now. makes me feel and think things that are given to me by ocd itself :( but yes you’re 100% right!
MRR7221MRR7221
- Date posted
- 4y
@bellag I’m so sorry you are dealing with ROCD right now. I recently just “got over” that. I constantly had to check and recheck if I was in love with my husband or not.. it was so mentally draining. I hope you can overcome this. and now I’m onto my next obsession, False Memory OCD where my mind is saying I have a memory from the past molesting babies from the daycare I went to 12 years ago… /: they feel SO real. Like I can see the pictures in my head of my doing it but have NO memory of it happening :( it just feels so real!!! It’s so hard to understand how a mental illness can make something in your mind seem so real….
MRR7221MRR7221
- Date posted
- 4y
@bellag Like right now I don’t even know what are real and fake memories anymore :(
bellagbellag
- Date posted
- 4y
@MRR7221 oh no! im so sorry that you had to go through it. and that you’re going through False Memory Ocd. im also having that one too, along with Rocd. everything about OCD just feels SO real. but we have to remember that it is just our OCD. it’s hard to sit with it and just let it pass, because the way our brains are wired… we tend to see these terrible thoughts and ponder why we had them and how to make them go away. unfortunately we didn’t ask to be this way but this too shall pass! i wish you nothing but the best. we will get through this! i agree with you, it’s scary how your own mind can make you believe things that are just not real :( and on top of that, our compulsions don’t even help in the long run. it’s terrible! feeling mentally drained right now as well, i’m constantly reassuring myself that i love my boyfriend and that i’m attracted to him.. while also feeling completely numb to everything and not having clear memories… ughhhhhhh
bellagbellag
- Date posted
- 4y
@MRR7221 me too :(
MRR7221MRR7221
- Date posted
- 4y
@bellag Isn’t it the worst thing like… ever?? I’ve actually never been diagnosed with OCD but I know I have it through many years of researching my symptoms and what I deal with. And people who are diagnosed with OCD, I can relate to them so much. I am really excited to try the therapy here with an OCD specialist! The only counseling I’ve gone with was a college counselor who was only a specialist in general anxiety and not OCD. Yes our brains are wired differently and it just sucks :( I hate the checking and rechecking constantly.
bellagbellag
- Date posted
- 4y
@MRR7221 me too… literally THE WORST. i understand youu! well i hope you get a diagnosis soon, that way you have some clarity and maybe get on a medicine? i don’t go to an OCD therapist either. just a CBT therapist (in person).. going to a psychiatrist soon! so excited.. 🙄 but maybe i should try a therapist on here! let me know how it goes :). i’m so excited for you! i hope things get easier. no person deserves to deal with this debilitating disorder :(.
MRR7221MRR7221
- Date posted
- 4y
Thank you so much! I hope everything goes well for you as well!! I hope to get on some medicine and a diagnoses soon! Thank you and I’m excited for you too! May God bless you through this crazy OCD journey ❤️
MRR7221MRR7221
- Date posted
- 4y
@bellag
bellagbellag
- Date posted
- 4y
anytime, and you too love! God bless you and your journey.❤️ i hope to talk to you again! :)
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- Date posted
- 21w
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- Date posted
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evasprog
- Date posted
- 12w
I feel like it’s getting worse
I feel like the thoughts and feelings are getting stronger, to the point where they feel like they are my own and that I want them and want them to happen. Recently I’ve even had feelings of ‘wanting to be gay’ and that I ‘don’t want to be straight’, or that being with a woman would be nice even though that’s literally the one thing I don’t want otherwise I wouldn’t be constantly thinking about it day after day surely and if I wanted it I would just know? I feel numb and sick and terrified that I’ll just be what I’ve feared all this time. Why does my brain do this. I feel like I’ve lost so much already, I couldn’t concentrate on university work and I’ve had to delay my degree for a year, I’ve lost my purpose, and I feel so ashamed that I can’t tell anyone the real reason for it (I just told everyone the course was too much stress and was causing me anxiety) and it just feels like it’s getting worse to the point that it’s actually coming true, and I’m going to have to leave my boyfriend because I can’t be with him anymore. Why do the thoughts sometimes feel good? Why does it feel like real attraction? Why why why does it feel like DISAPPOINTMENT with the idea of never being with a woman wtf this is literally what I don’t want and never have? Even just writing that out my brain is telling me ‘it is’ and ‘I’m lying’ and I just can’t even believe myself anymore. I’ve tried telling myself the whole maybe maybe not but it just doesn’t work. It feels like if I accept I like woman I’ll want to be with one and leave him. Why does the idea of being with a man not fill me with excitement like it used to why do labels terrify me I genuinely just want to give up I still haven’t even told anyone about this cause I just feel like they won’t understand and that they will just think I’m struggling with my sexuality and the worst thing is I don’t even know what I want anymore cause of the thoughts and feelings I don’t know what to believe what if I am actually just struggling with my sexuality cause nothing feels right anymore
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