I feel you. I have similar struggles and it sucks a lot of joy and normalcy out of my life. How’s ERP going?
It's difficult bc my brain tells me there's no point since nothing is real
I really struggled with this not too long ago and I still do. I decided that if there is no point or meaning we’re here I’m going to make the most out of this life I know I do have. It’s not easy but for me that was a main turning point. I got pissed at my Existential OCD and said “fuck offfff bro if I got this one life I’m not gonna let you fucking ruin it for me.” I decided to find my own meaning to my life.
I relate to this so much. Existential themes always seem to turn into a fear of paranoia or delusion for me as well!