Even when I get reassurance I get this feeling in my body that’s making me feel like I’m lying to myself and POCD intrusive thoughts tell me I’m in denial... When all I want is to be with a woman my age and above... It’s like I can’t ignore it... my intrusive thoughts say I want a kid, then I try to ignore it for a second, before I can’t ignore it anymore and it causes me to be anxious...

that's the thing really we can't ignore thoughts you just let them flow through unfortunately haha. And ocd attacks uncertainty, you don't know if your lying to yourself and that's why ruminating or worrying will never work because even when you find the answer a new worry pops up because you are never certain and I know saying that " you will never know" will make you worry but in the end it will make you less anxious in general about these thoughts.