i just saw a video of a girl saying "not a single girls went through her childhood without having a crush on them"and then she shows a bunch of cartoon guys and i barely recognize them let alone having a crush on them as a child and then all the comments said they didn't because they were gay. you know the worst part about this? i am NOT FREAKING OUT ENOUGH! i am crying a bit but i feel like i am faking it.

why am i not having a full-on breakdown at this????

You don't need to cry or have any kind of meltdown because of ocd: anxiety manifests itself on various ways. And about this particular thought, it's a silly one :) but I understand how it would trigger your theme. Just have patience and be mindful that in a few hours or a few days your anxiety towards this particular situation won't be so anxiety inducing. I myself have had crushes on male cartoon characters and boys from my school and have soocd either way; the content of the thought is essentially meaningless, anxiety is the one trying to attach meaning to it.

but i don't feel as anxious as i should be :(

@Nour04 You aren't indifferent to it, though. I see many people here saying they don't feel anxious about their thoughts and this in itself indicates some level of distress. Just like I said, anxiety doesn't always manifests itself with meltdowns, sometimes it's much more subtle and internalized. Being indifferent to it would be you seeing that and moving on with a shrug, not wondering about why you aren't anxious about it. This is what happens to people who are healthy.