I really want to enjoy my night out but I feel myself beginning to get triggers and I don’t want to give in and begin to ruminate. Ugh.

I’m nervous about an upcoming gathering. I feel like I won’t be welcomed or only invited for the sake of the host being nice. I am afraid of what I will say or do, that others will pick up on my non verbal behaviors like I do with theirs (i.e. a shoulder shift, eye roll, texting each other while I’m right there etc.) and I’m afraid that I will ruin the vibes of the gathering by becoming paranoid. I don’t want my thoughts to spiral so bad that I need to leave and my fiancé is out of town so it’s not like I can escape. I don’t want to be there the whole time but also don’t want to seem rude by leaving early and keep thinking that if I leave early will be a topic of conversation for others there. It makes me want to curl up and hide in the house all weekend and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it for over a week now.

I dont want my relapse to stop me to assist, I will go but I am sad because I don't want a beautiful moment to became horrible because the fear and dicomfort I am feelling this days. It will be a good exposure but how can I enjoy it? The depression came back, I wasn't prepared for this, like I knew OCD is chronic but I forgot it hahaha Right now I am trying just to think in short times like, 24 h and it is helping a bit Update: The day was really good !

I've been doing well the past month in cutting down on compulsions and have been feeling better however, last night I had a set back that carried on into today. I had gotten very poor sleep (4ish hours) and then something triggered my memory. I think with the sudden anxiety spike and lack of sleep I didn't have the strength to ignore my compulsions. Last night and today I've realised I've gone back into rumination and mentally reviewing the event excessively again and comparing my situation to other people's, but most of the times that I start going down these rabbit holes I don't even realise I'm doing it? Also been fixating a bit on the fear that I've ruined my progress and that I will fall back into the deep end of it all again, that I have done so much work getting myself out of, although trying my best to not be too discouraged. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with rumination more specifically?