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602pm

Date posted: 4y

I fucked myself up and looked at something that I thought would be fine but has spiraled me. I’m acting different and I know it takes time to erp through but I just feel so hollow and upset. I need to take time to really walk myself through worst case scenarios and sit with them but in the meantime I’m acting like a bitch and feeling like one. Partners birthday is coming up and we live with their roommate who’s their ex and they haven’t told them we’ve been dating for almost two years next month and I feel like I’m going to fucking snap if the roommate does anything nice for them. I feel so defeated but I can’t bring this to my partner because it just makes our relationship worse when I get like this and the fears 1000xs more intense later. I’m so frustrated I just don’t want to be with them, but I know that’s my ocd tendencies pointing and screaming look at the signs!!!! I want to tear my brain out There is more to the story in which I know and have moved past (multiple times) feeling that they’re cheating on me or are ashamed of me. So it’s just genuinely a case of my brain freaking out because I saw a message from 2017 where they were happy together

OCDbree

Date posted: 4y

I understand what you're going through to some extent. ROCD is such an angry part of OCD and it has been (for me) one of the more aggressive sides of the disorder. I know this might sound insane but the best thing to do is ask yourself this. "Is this person worth my time if they left me for their ex?" Because here's the thing if they leave you for an ex they are not worth your time. I know that sounds like it's easier said than done. But that's one of the only ways I have gotten through it myself. I use to look my boyfriends letters to Exes (he kept them in a box) and I used to so angry at him. As of rn, we don't talk. I don't text him anymore. I only talk to him when he comes home from work. it's such a hard part of the disorder. But you have to just remind yourself. "There are better people out there" and if you and your partner don't work out just know, they just weren't worth your time. Idk if this helps. But I hope so.

602pm

Date posted: 4y

Thank you so so much, it does help 💕 I will keep this in mind for sure

whatadooo

Date posted: 4y

Is there some reasoning for the roommate not knowing? Like would she/he be spiteful or something?

602pm

Date posted: 4y

My partner is afraid of hurting the roommates feelings and is very very nervous with confrontation and has issues with feeling immense guilt, the roommate would get upset but doesn’t seem to be too spiteful or anything. But did freak out upon seeing us hold hands once. My partner doesn’t want to burn any bridges (a fear of theirs even if I don’t think it would), which honestly makes me upset but I can respect their choice of ‘waiting for the right time to tell the roommate’ which may never come

whatadooo

Date posted: 4y

@602pm Well do you guys have plans of moving in together? Listen your concerns are valid, having to hide your relationship for two years sounds tremendously hard. I'm not saying that's reason to not be with them or not that's a maybe maybe not type thing, but I think you're valid in your hurt and sometimes it's okay to accept that circumstances are not ideal.

602pm

Date posted: 4y

@whatadooo We are looking for a place to move out together soon, which is what I’ve been trying to hold out on.. It was supposed to happen sooner but Covid really messed things up, perfect storm type situation Thank you for this💕 it’s hard to differentiate between ROCD and validity sometimes and I imagine they’re interchangeable/hold hands as well making it much harder 😔

602pm

Date posted: 4y

Maybe they are cheating on me. Maybe this two years has been a joke and things have been happening behind my back. Maybe I will never make them as happy as the roommate. Maybe I’m here to be a binkie and a financial help only and I’m being messed around with until shit gets figured out for them both. Aaauuuugh.

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