i was just watching an explanatory video on YouTube about some subtle clues in the movie "shutter island" and then at the end the video concludes wirh the sentence "we have the ability to deny reality even when it's staring us in the face. we always want to hold on to what we believe is true, even in the face of extreme evidence of the contrary" and i feel like it was meant for me or it "resonated" because i feel like i am in denial and there's a lot of evidence that proves i am in denial. my heart is beating faster and i am breathing faster and my head is dtarting to slightly hurt. is this anxiety? do i feel anxious because i felt called out? i want to ruminate but there's the "sane" part of me who isn't letting me do so. it feels like i am on the verge of spiralling yet i am still completely fine. it feels like i am bouncing back and forth between my two personalities, mentally healthy and ocd, which is why i invalidate myself so much. i feel disturbed yet not as much as i should be if that makes sense?