- Username
- Imaan7
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Tallyho! Welcome to the NOCD community. First of all, I'd like to say that it takes a lot of courage to talk about your struggle with OCD. You're never alone here and many of us know exactly what you're going through. I'd like to add this one piece of advice: The more you obsess about finding the answer or finding yourself or seeking the "truth," the hazier your perspective will become. In neuroscience, there is a law by Donald Hebb that says "what fires together, wires together" meaning that your neurons become associated throughout time and create learned associations. OCD sufferers are notoriously good at creating non existent associations đ. The more you focus on these associations, the more they wire together and therefore, they feel more "real." I hope that advice can help shed light on your situation. Good luck!
That makes alot of sense but my worry is that I dont think I was trying to find an answer or the truth( Maybe I was in the back of my head and didnt realize) but the rumination happened on auto pilot and it gave me so much proof and all of it made sense too :(
Accept the fact you may be gay and then see where that goes. You know within yourself whether you are just allow your mind to wander and focus on each day. Eventually these thoughts will fade. I had one the other day where I thought I was a monster. My heart was racing, I could hear the âwhat itâsâ in my head but I didnât engage them. I let them be there and said ok maybe I am. The next day I think about the same scenario and realise it was OCD and itâs nothing.
I dont know who I am within myself
I feel like this too, I feel like I've convinced myself and when I think about guys I feel nothing. I literally have no anxiety either, and no anxiety about anxiety but it's definitely hurting my brain. It feels like I like girls or that I should start liking them bc my attraction to guys isn't there :/
I canât anymore. I really canât. The what if I am attracted to them. The âwhy does it have to be a man with a womanâ (which by the way- I only now get when women are talking in love songs. And whenever I look at any couple). I am just tired. Tired of feelings like crap. I just want to go to what I was before, but was I like this before? Have I always been like this? I am tired. My anxiety levels are ALWAYS the worse at the morning. I am starting to obsess whether I like this friend now! And it doesnât matter how much I try to accept it, it doesnât go away. Like there is still something wrong. I hate this. I hate this so fucking much. At this point. How can I still be straight? I literally get triggered by everything. And how can I just not be gay? I have no reason to think that but it feels so real. Itâs like I have no sexuality at all. And this is all that I can think about every single hour of my day. I am even thinking about this in dreams! I even wonder that the fact I am so upset right now is because I am scared of telling people and that they wonât accept me. When I donât even know who I am myself. I am so done. What even is this? Have I always been like this? I am getting flashbacks and itâs telling me I have.
Okay so having a lil anxiety attack right now because the thought of being gay aint scaring me anymore and now i feel like i truuuly am gay and like i have to come out to my parents and like im pressured by myself and not accepting myself and it feels just too real and idkkk its crazy how i can go from okay to this stage again. I feel like i try not to fall in love with woman and im holding myself back but if i truly was gay wouldnt it just liked the same sex earlier in my life. Like it just happens right? So ive never had that but i feel like im blocking myself from likjng woman but jve never liked them in my whole life so idk what im tryna convince myself. I cant lie, This generation is rlly hard on me when it comes to my hocd. Evergwhere around me people are comjng out and it makes it look like being gay is a huge posibility and that i could easily be gay when u look at how many people are gay. That it wouldnt be a weird case like so many girls are lesbian why wouldnt i be. What would make me straight and them gay? The thing is all these questjoms once were never in my head and all the answers were so clear i didnt even had to ask the questions to myself. But why do i now? Makes me feel like im gay because straight ppl would never ask themselves these questions...
I need any sort of advice again Idk what to do, I feel so shi*ty rn, even accepting that Im gay isnt helping. Well I posted 2 hours ago. Am I not accepting It properly? Or do I have to give It time and embrace it or whatever? But I dont feel good. Ive completely torn apart the belief I had that I was straight pre ocd bc It gave me so much proof now when I look back to my old life, I feel blank and Its causing me so much anxiety and pain thinking that I was always gay and didnt notice. I feel like I dont have any identity right now or that Im forming a totally new one. Its so so painful. Despite feeling so awful, Im having full body arousal all the time and an urge to act on my thoughts. Ugh how the hell is this possible. I feel miserable when I think that I cant or wont be able to like girls anymore. Do I just have to move on from wanting to feel something for women? Man, before ocd I thought I couldnt get a gf or talk to women bc I just have severely low self esteem issues , but It feels like I was actually gay all this time, I already believe this so why cant I let it go? Is this what denial looks like? Ughhh
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