My boyfriend and I were talking about different parts of the hospital that nurses work in and he threw out “yeah like the “infant toddler floor” - literally the one floor where his ex worked and my ROCD and retroactive jealousy is so triggered . there are so many departments in the hospital and you have to go with that one? I’m disgusted and mad that he’d make that connection. I’m disgusted and mad that he remembers. I guess the question is why does he think about her subconsciously, like even to relate something like that. I’m on the hamster wheel right now. Talking to him didn’t really help but he’s in the other room journaling thru his side of it to work on himself and I’m in here focusing on how I handled that wrong too. I don’t know how else to have responded to that trigger. I think I should’ve “done nothing.” It would have sucked ass, I would’ve had racing thoughts all day & night if I didn’t say something to him about saying that.. But I took it to the extreme, what does it mean that he thinks about her/ references her? My OCD has me very confused and I felt very angry at him. I feel like I need all this reassurance now that he doesn’t still think about her. Yet that’s like, the opposite of what we need I guess. UGHHH I feel mad at him

Dude I get this on a SPIRITUAL level! I freak out about the stupidest things and spiral down rabbit holes about it. If it helps, he probably wasn't even thinking about her. If he's anything like my husband, that would be the only floor he could think but probably didn't even link it to his past relationship. But I would freak out too! OCD is a b!tch

No I honestly understand that, it makes you feel like a psycho but it's literally something you can't help! There's not anything to be ashamed of, it's just really hard to deal with sometimes I've never really spoke to my boyfriend about it so i can't even blame him when he does because he doesn't know! But that sounds so difficult, sometimes things accidentally do slip out and it's so hard when you know that they know it is a trigger but you can only do the best you can do, i definitely feel like a crazy girlfriend so often! It's so difficult to bring yourseld out of that spiral too so i really do understand

Oh wow nice that there are people out there that can relate. It's so weird. It's like being mad or angry is going to help anything. I almost feel like anger and sadness can be addicting, like I could choose to not overreact and just say that's fine. But I choose to be mad or sad. I sometimes even feel like I have to ignore his texts or be distant to him as a from of punishment. Which again is not a thing I would normally do. But when it's about sex I think my underlying fear is that our relationship isn't good enough, and then the fear is expressed in anger. But I hate doing this to him, because he makes such an effort to make me happy. It breaks my heart :( But that's just what ocd does. It will always find ways

I completely understand this, my boyfriend references his past relationships or even other girls a lot and I instantly get a wave of jealousy and feel so angry and mad about it, I really struggle to understand where the line is and what is and is not okay to feel jealous or mad about. Just whenever this happens I instantly think that there MUST be something happening there as they have crossed his mind even though he has given me absolutely no reason other than this to believe it. It gets me so confused.

I can deffo understand that. The jealousy thing isn't neccesairy a big ocd theme for me, but more the being mad at my partner part. I get so incredibly mad at him sometimes when he doesn't want sex, which I normally would say is totally out of proportion and completely insensitive. But I just can't help myself when I'm in my ocd mind. It's almost like I want to be mad at him and make him feel bad. And as soon as the anxiety wears off I feel really bad for thinking such things in the first place and I often apologies for overreacting, because he did nothing wrong. But just the anger is so extreme sometimes. Which is very unlike myself