Really worrying about comphet…whenever lesbians talk about that “icky, panicky feeling” they get when men reciprocate interest, I feel like I feel that way too or have felt that way in the past. Boys don’t usually like me back (never, actually) and I don’t usually like guys that pursue me first. I like it to be an equal five and take. What really worries me is that when I was 11, my best guy friend asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes, because I was 11 and figured I should say yes, but the next day he texted me “good morning 😘” with a kissy face and I was so disgusted and panicked that I broke up with him that night. I was so uncomfortable and anxious during the literal day that I “dated” him. That is literally the definition of comphet. I would really appreciate if someone could talk to me.

Hi, I understand your fear and anxiety around comphet - I also struggle a lot with this concept. I have also done a lot of research & have come across a few pages that say comphet can apply to anyone - regardless of their sexual orientation. For example, you dated you best friend when you were 11 because you felt like you had to (comphet - an external force is making you feel like you need to date this kid who is nice and into you because it’s expected) but maybe you’re response afterwards (the disgust and anxiety) was not because you’re a lesbian but because you just were not into him in that way (meaning you just saw him as a friend) - which is normal & okay. Just because you were not into dating this boy doesn’t mean you are a lesbian - it just means you were not attracted to him in that way. Try not to go to much into it, I know it’s hard - trust me I fall down the comphet rabbit hole a lot myself but also understand a lot of these “signs” are universal and can occur for numerous reasons besides being a lesbian. Hope this helps!

I get what you are saying. I always would really like a guy and want a boyfriend. Then when actually going on a date, etc. I would enjoy it but also get super anxious about him trying to kiss me or something. That definitely made me more worried when having so-ocd. Like have I been faking my feelings for guys and forcing myself to want to have a boyfriend. Though one person I was talking to briefly said that it might actually be a fear of intimacy.

Im a guy and I think ive had this ick feeling too? I cant remember clearly but this concept scares me too.