some days i wake up and just immediately want to go back to sleep bc i’m hit by several triggers in the first 20 mins of being on my phone. i hate the pocd / hocd compulsions of glancing / having the urge to glance at private areas to check your feelings & whatnot. the fact that i even want to do the compulsion makes me feel like a terrible & disgusting person. of course, i never get the response or feeling i hoped for after doing it anyway. it’s such a vicious cycle.
i feel like i can’t get up and do what i want to do today. i feel like i shouldn’t be allowed to be happy.