I cant even look at guys on the street in the eyes. Does not help that I work in food industry, when Im serving guys that trigger me, I lose all focus and get very weird and I know they would tell if I dont have a mask on. My body language completely changes and I get extremely nervous, It wasnt this bad before but now Its crazy. Idk If its good or bad or If I want to or not. When It feels like I want to, I get depressed and confused. I want to go back to being normal but I dont know at all what my normal should look like. Also does anyone here genuinely confused about their sexuality, If they are straight or gay? Is this still hocd?

I don't know for sure if I have HOCD, but it seems like I do, I tried to accept the idea that I'm gay, I felt calm, and then I started to get scared because I didn't feel anxiety anymore, I still feel attracted to my girlfriend, both physically and emotionally, but I feel an attraction to boys, sometimes I panic when I feel attracted and sometimes I don't (but most of the time I do) and I don't want to break up with my girlfriend I want to get back to normal

Hey everyone I’ve been doing good lately. I have an ocd therapist and I’m working on myself. Haven’t been doing as many compulsions or checks The last couple days I feel like I lost physical attraction to my wife and my mind says it’s because I’m gay. At this point I’ve been going back and forth on this for years so I’m more accepting but it still freaks me out. Then I noticed a coworker who is define as an attractive guy and thought about what it be like to be gay with him. It didn’t seem horrible but it seemed off somehow. Fast forward I tried gay porn…..again. At first like always it did nothing but I kept like making mental accommodations and trying to physically put myself in the situation. Then all the sudden I ejaculated. Sorry if too graphic. It’s happened before like that but I don’t get why. I feel horrible after it happens too. Anyway I tried straight porn to balance it out and it took forever. Maybe I just need to accept I am gay or not totally straight. I notice attractive guys and girls but I dream about my wife/girls, feel more comfortable thinking about a heterosexual relationship and can’t like get aroused to guys outside of porn. Can anyone relate? What does this mean? I might be seeking reassurance but need help

I feel that I’ve come on extremely well. I still can’t accept uncertainty. My attraction to the opposite gender (females) comes back but doesn’t last how it used to too. I feel that excitement, thoughts like “she’s well fit” then a horrible depressed feeling and those voices saying “but you don’t like females anymore…” The false attraction towards same gender (male) isn’t as bad as it was. It used to be every single male, old young, big, small, even voices, cartoons and so on. Now it’s a quick spike when I see a male followed by disgusted, I still pull a horrible face and I shake depending on how bad the thoughts/ feelings. This HOCD/SOOCD happened 14 years ago but not as severe as this time round. Then just went for 14 years. Has anyone been through the same and got through it??