a bit of a long post/rant. would appreciate the advice <3 so i have been having very fewer thoughts and have been able to just shush them recently and ignore them. i guess that is pretty good recovery? but something that still bugs me is that i would still get eome thoughts or feelings like "i would actually enjoy being with a woman" or i would like it and want it and i have same sex attraction but just can't accept myself. i really feel in denial yet i ignore it. the thing is my ocd has gone down so does that mean these thoughts and feelings are mine or is it ocd's last try ay getting me? i am genuinely curious because now i just ignore the thoughts and don't engage but it makes me feel like i am denying it and just ignoring the obvious facts of me being in denial. i don't ruminate and barely check anymore because i am just too tired to do so tbh.

like even about posting. i have become just "too lazy" to do so. too lazy to ruminate, too lazy to check lol

As I have told you multiple times, ignorance is the key. But the fact that you still have something like that, and you give it importance, is not what you really want! Those intrusive thoughts, which have no power, should be really ignored, they can't define you, they can't tell you what to do or whatever you fear won't come to reality. Everything is illogical and the fact that you might still struggle against it, it gets fueled. Acceptance of the thoughts, acknowledging that they are here and not do anything, is what makes it lose its strength. Right now it tries to fool you with the classic ocd gimmicks, if someone is yours or not. Whatever feels alien, not correlating with your ego, feel like not yourself, is a trap released by ocd, knowing you might fall in it,but you are braver and better than this!

If something is your or not*, my bad for mispelling

@Gabbriel but like i haven't been engaging with the thoughts but sometimes i still feel bi. i think i just have to accept that i am ni at this point but i don't want to :( i am really trying hard not to engage. i don't think this is ocd anymore lol

@Nour04 And if you do what? If you really know you are not, why would you still agree that you might be while you know you aren't? You can just let the feelijng be, it won't affect you and it will go away on its own. Anything bad that you think about and makes you will act on it, you won't.

@Gabbriel but i don't even know if i am or not anymore :(

@Nour04 That's the thing, why would you be? If you clearly know that you dislike it, you are not! Ocd makes you doubt it or make it feel like you actually like it, but the fact that you brought this up, you are struggling not to make it real which means you are completely normal but confused by the disorder. You are fine and everything you feel wrong is actually not yours! If it tells you that you are, obviously you are not! You don't need to fight it, just let it be. Everything that ocd tells you is completely the opposite, never do what it wants

@Gabbriel i haven't been fighting it much and it has been very mild for about 3 months now. the thing is it doesn't feel like ocd anymore

@Nour04 If it does feel like ocd or not, if you truly don't want it, why would you follow this thought? You clearly don't wanna be it, you struggle against it but for what? You have to power to decide if you either are or not, not the thought. You are still a normal person.

@Nour04 If inside you know you are a good, a kind person, then a stranger comes in and calls you a loser, would you believe it? Don't let it! It doesn't really require ocd to have such thoughts, it is just the anxiety playing around. Don't listen to others opinions, only act on what your true heart desires are

@Gabbriel thank you so much for all your help <3

@Nour04 My pleasure, I can help and give you support daily or whenever you want

@Nour04 Also, false acceptance is the key to winning this. So you have the thoughts saying bad stuff, you would have to say something like, okay so what? What if you are what the thoughts will say? Basically admit what they say, it will be a bit difficult but nothing is wrong, admitting to the thoughts will make you slightly anxious but it will fade away. It will not change the reality and you won't become what they really say. For example, you have thoughts of calling you stupid, dumb, idiot. You would say: Yes, I am all of those, so what? You will shut their doors while nothing changing in real life, you won't become stupid just because the thoughts said it. For example, I would think of infinite money falling out of the sky, would it happen? No, nothing will happen in the reality but my mind, then fade away! Will your worse thoughts come real? No! You can just admit it and leave them say whatever you want, it is like a bully calling you dumb and you would reply, yeah yeah, whatever you say. Basically being ironical to it or ignorance is the key.

@Gabbriel thanks!!! i'm always here for you too

@Nour04 If it happens for you to have discord, you can find mine in my profile's biography, at the bottom

Makes you think you will act on it* Obviously anything you think will happen it won't, you are scared of something harmless