Hi. I'm a 25 year old. I haven't been diagnosed with OCD but I've struggled with intrusive thoughts and anxiety for a long time. It comes and it goes. I first started obsessing about one direction (I know haha) to the point that it distressed me, then I started obsessively thinking about death and how much that scared me. Then I read about solipsism somewhere and I completely lost it. I got extremely scared, couldn't stop thinking about it, and then I convinced myself that even if I couldn't be sure of other people's presence, I would try to find evidence of anything wrong to prove to myself that everything was real. For example, when I would come out of the bath, I would look at my towel and see if it was wet, click pictures of it so that later my mind couldn't convince itself that it wasn't wet (and thus impossible and so everything was unreal). I had a lot of weird things that I would check. Then I got over it once I went to college. In college I started obsessing about relationship, that what if I didn't really love my partner etc etc, and then would check my feelings all the time, and judge my boyfriend's character. It's been four years since and slowly I got used to the feelings and stopped checking my feelings but still got the occasional flare upz nothing I couldn't handle though. Now the past month my boyfriend got very busy and I got scared that you know was he losing feelings for me, I was feeling very insecure, and then I started feeling like what if I wasn't comfortable around him anymore, couldn't be myself etc etc (which is a big deal for me cause I'm not comfortable around most people) and then I got so scared of that, that I thought that if I can feel like this for my boyfriend, I can feel like this for anyone. Then I started getting scared for other people also, and then I started feeling like this with my MOTHER! I got very scared. Shes my best friend and now I wasn't feeling comfortable around her, didn't know what to talk etc etc. Then I started thinking about solipsism again and while researching on it i came across a post on instagram where a guy was suffering with solipsism and harm ocd where he felt like if he felt nothing was real then what was stopping him from harming others. I got very scared on reading this, and then I started thinking about it. Currently it's like my mind alternates between thinking about not feeling comfortable around my boyfriend and my mom, or solipsism, or harming people if I feel like this. So I just don't know what to think, what to do. I feel very alone, and I don't even know what I'm dealing with! I tried therapy but I didn't like my therapist, she was a lot more concerned about the content of my thoughts than my patterns of thinking, which I don't think is the issue. I'm also trying hard not to click pictures of things to make myself believe that things are real or whatever. And so I have nothing to do other than sit with the thoughts. I don't even know what I'm looking for here, just want to find someone who understands.