I just read about GAD and took some online tests, turns out Im just about touching the severe anxiety mark. Im worried that Im just gay and cant accept it which is why I have gad rather than Ocd. Ughhh, I also took a ocd test and marked No compulsions since I have no idea If I have any compulsions or not. Its mainly just thoughts/feelings which I dont even know are intrusive anymore or not. Im so tired of all this nonsense. Sorry for so many posts :/ I just need some closure

So my OCD has been bad lately. I’ve been ruminating and obsessing over my sexuality again. And it just keeps getting worse. I hate it so much. I try to sit with the discomfort but then my ocd does the backdoor spike. And the groinal response is what keeps me looped. It SUCKS. I am not attracted to men, but my OCD is trying SO hard to convince me that I am. There have been days where I’m just so mentally exhausted that I “accept” what my ocd tells me and I just walk around a hollow, lethargic shell. But then I rethink it and I feel better. It feels like I can only find my TRUE self when I tire my nervous system out enough that it literally breaks down and has me suicidal and hopeless. And then accepting my OCD’s “truth” (that I’m attracted to men) feels like a burden and a chore. I woke up today from an OCD dream, tried to go back to sleep, and my stomach kept cramping bc I was so anxious and ruminating over my intrusive thoughts. I’m starting to doubt it being OCD anymore. My brain is too tired to fight and cry about it anymore.

i’ve thought that i have OCD for about 2 years now, but i’ve had a lot of the symptoms for as long as i can remember (but i don’t really remember a lot of my childhood- i need to check w family to confirm). i’ve talked to my gf about it, and she thinks i just have GAD and am a hypochondriac. i definitely do have GAD, but the things i have obsessions and compulsions ab aren’t just health related (even tho a lot are), ill imagine that people are injured or dead if i don’t hear from them, i ruminate on childhood events and think about if i could have changed things, i blame myself for things that aren’t my fault, i check all of the locks in my house every night to make sure nobody can break in (even tho ik they’re locked), etc. my GAD more shows up in worrying about like worrying about an upcoming exam or about going into work, or that my friends/family/gf are/is mad at me. i know you guys can’t diagnose me, but the i can’t see a therapist on here until i am able to tell my current therapist that i need to see someone else. i just wanted to talk about it i guess, ive taken so many online quizzes and psych classes that i feel like i somewhat know what im talking about.

So scared to post this not wanting to sound dramatic incase i dont have it so uh yeah lets go Ive been struggling with this ocd spiral, googling everything i can, taking stupid test that prob dont mean anything, i dont really have compulsions i think? but anyways i cant let it go unless i know. ill give list of reasons why - I get intrusive thoughts i dont want, like sexual or harm related ones, multiple times a day- Yes ik intrusive thoughts are normal so this is probably nothing. To try and give an idea on how many or how constant- when i look at something either that be a person, pet, or an object can be fictional things to- there is a high chance of a thought or mental image popping up -I feel shame and guilty about it because it goes against everything, im asexual so having these thoughts about my family or animals is really upsetting and disturbing bc why am i thinking this, it doesn't feel normal -i try and push them away by blinking, shaking my head, or just walk away from what triggered them -i spiral trying to figure out whats wrong with me for example ofc my brain thinking i have ocd and it filling my brain. or can be about physical health or other mental health disorders- -i constantly am switching between thinking i have it to im faking it. When i see symptoms i have i think, "Okay wait, i must have it" to where when i see a symptom i don't have, i tell myself. "No im just lying for attention or im being dramatic and these aren't real problems". but like rn im struggling with thinking none of this really even happened and i'm just saying things so ppl think sm wrong with me - sometiems i avoid things that trigger it- not alot but like when i get a thought about my dog when im about to pet her, i stop- and walk away becuase it might come true. -i fear something is wrong with me, wether it be my mind, body, health, personality- -im scared to open up about these thoughts becuase im scared people will thing im lying, im weird, or ill be sent to a mental hospital. -also reassuring-seeking. now this isnt a big thing to me but when i think i offended someone i have to say "sorry if i offended you" or if i think i annoyed someone i must say "sorry if i annoyed you", OR i kinda down talk myself saying im annoying, there annoyed with me, they hate me This has been nagging me for days, and i cant get it to stop- BECAUSE what if i do and i don't get it diagnosed and ill deal with this forever or whatever, ik ppl have it worse and i'm probably being dramatic, high possibility. but i'm also scared to tell a therapist bc of that same exact reason and fear of being called dramatic and its all in your head. but uhm hopefully i didn't say anything bad and didn't repeat anything.