guys i’m scared. what if the reason erp helps is because youre coming to terms with what you actually are. i am in so much distress. is this what i actually am?? can i just be normal?? i have so much to be thankful for and be happy for…

i’m trying my hardest, i really am. but when it’s about hurting people.. i can’t sit with it

that’s good to know. i don’t know if it’s OCD anymore, maybe i was misdiagnosed and i’m actually crazy

@bellag it’s ocd !!!it makes you doubt so much!!!dont listen to your ocd!!

@bellag If you were crazy, you would not be worried about it.

@_abigAil.26_ thank you abigail, it’s been a very hard day

@Anonymous that’s what i’m afraid of, that one day i won’t be worried about it! this is terrible.

@bellag Trust me. Your worries are valid. I promise you are a caring person that loves life a lot, even if OCD says that you don’t. You will get better and you WILL get through this!

@Anonymous thank you so much, i’m trying my hardest. it’s just trying it’s absolute hardest to make me believe that i am what it paints me out to be. and then other themes help this one and it’s just terrible

@bellag You are fighting a losing battle healing comes when you quit trying to make your mind believe. You will never convince your mind that you will never do something a 100%. You have to be ok with knowing that it is a possibility that you could do it, but highly unlikely. No one knows the future. You will get through this.

@Anonymous i am just so scared that i’ll snap or something. i am just terrified that it’s real.

@bellag I remember having the exact obsession about “am I gonna snap”, it was the WORST. However, I promise it goes away *if* you let these thoughts be thoughts. You have to work on it. And work hard. I went to inpatient for a few days back in 2017 cause I didn’t know I had OCD and honestly, what helped me the most about the whole situation wasn’t the therapy, it was the FORCED distraction. No phone, just vibing with other people who had similar problems. Do you like video games? Movies? Distraction isn’t where you should go all the time, but man, the amount of times Animal Crossing has saved me from a spiral is insane.

@vinjevollen see, i’ve lost interest in most things i loved, but i’m slowly working on it, especially now that i’m on medicine. my mind tells me i should be hospitalized or go to jail so i don’t hurt anybody. this has been the second really bad attack i’ve had. the first had to do with ROCD. but could you answer this: when i had intrusive thoughts about cheating on my boyfriend with someone from my past… how come i had thoughts about hurting the person i cheated with? is that normal? am i a horrible person for neutralizing ROCD thoughts with HOCD? i’m sorry, i just need to rant. there’s so much to this. 😥 i’m gonna try my best to work on it. you’re a good human for helping me again <3

@bellag It’s so normal that they overlap! I get Health OCD that overlaps with Harm/Suicide OCD. It’s really a rotten disorder sometimes, but I like to think it makes us more sensitive and caring people! We have a lot of empathy for people in distress. You even just commented down below that you used to be the one comforting people. So…you are. a caring. and good. person. End of discussion! That being said…I’m not advocating for inpatient, and I’m not NOT advocating for it. It can help people sometimes! But your therapist on here should be a part of that decision. Reach out to them ❤️. As for the jail thing…they do not put people in jail for having OCD. Your intrusive thoughts are not a signal that you’re a bad person, nor are they predicting the future. NO ONE can know the future. Especially not dumbass intrusive thoughts.

@vinjevollen i don’t have a therapist on herreeeee :((( i want one so bad tho. but you’re such a good human! thank you so so much. i really enjoy conversing with you! but wowww, that’s true. i DO help and care for people. this disorder is so rotten and is so sneaky! it can literally make you doubt your whole existence. ive been having suicidal (ocd?) thoughts too. but i know they don’t put people with OCD in jail… it’s just the way i was taking it was like “everyone will be safer if i’m in jail, because i’m clearly a threat” yknow? it’s exhausting. i literally had a breakdown at school because of this and had to leave class. this is so tiring. now i’m embarrassed because my classmates and teacher saw me a wreck! 🥺😂😂

@bellag You should set yourself up with one on here! There are a ton of them so one of them will absolutely be the right fit for you! Easy to switch if you don’t like them. I haven’t started mine on here yet but I have a lot of hope about it 🤞🏼 It’s a stinky disorder for sure but it gets better if you put in the work. At some point in remission you will probably be able to even laugh at some of the things you’ve thought because once you’re exposed to them as being thoughts and nothing else…it starts to seem silly 😭 & don’t worry about your classmates they already forgot it happened lmao kids used to throw up in class and no one ever held onto it

@vinjevollen that is soooo true. i cant wait to break free 😫👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 one day i’ll be able to look back and laugh! aww best of luck, i hope it all goes well <3 ! i’m under 18, so i’ll need parental approval but i’m really gonna ask!! i want it!! and i hope they forgot 😭😅

@bellag I’ve been able to laugh at so many things I’ve obsessed over 😭 They seem soooooo scary in the moment but god, I used to think I was inhaling food instead of swallowing it LMAO that’s literally impossible. & yes ask your parents! I bet you they will help you out ❤️

@vinjevollen LITERALLY MEEE. & i feel like i eat way too much, when in reality i probably only eat like 1800 calories 😭 but for sure, i hope i can laugh one day just like you! <333

@bellag It’s so crazy how many places this stuff touches but yeah, you’ll be able to laugh! Guarantee it. Now go get a therapist! ❤️

@vinjevollen ahhh you’re the bestttttt!! thanks again good human. but don’t be surprised if you see me goin nuts again😂. hoping for more good than bad days tho ❤️❤️

@bellag Hey I know I’m gonna have my days too. Healing is not a linear path. That’s why I have a tattoo of a little squiggly line 😭

@vinjevollen oh my gosh that is legendaryyyyy!!!!!!

i know, but i’m just scared that i won’t react the way i’m supposed to.

it’s not easy at all, i feel like a monster and i feel terrible. i just had to leave school because of this. i had a breakdown. i’m just so scared it IS a reflection of me, it’s terrifying.

@bellag I promise that you will get better. Are you in therapy?

@Anonymous i am. 🥺

that means so much to me. i really need to work on my faith and reach out to God more! You’re a blessing <3

i know, i remember what you said 🥺, but i feel like this time is different. it’s terrible

@bellag Sometimes these things happen! Relapses are a bitch, but the unfortunate truth is that it’s compounding. Like it’ll get worse the more you focus on it. Even focusing on “progress” will make you literally not progress. Remember your thoughts are thoughts and NOTHING more. They don’t deserve that energy!

@bellag Thats what your OCD wants you to think. But its not true

@Lms526 at one point, i was in your all’s shoes. i was going through and helping all of these people in distress, but now i’m the one in distress. i know it wants me to think that, because i’ve told people the exact same thing when they were struggling. but it really feels different.

i really DONT want to live like this forever, and i’ve said that statement out loud. i want to live a happy, healthy life. but you’re not mean at all and i completely understand what you’re saying!! <3

and thank you so much. i really don’t want to suffer anymore

@bellag I believe in you! You just need to believe in yourself and that you are worth. Say to yourself "I deserve to have a good life." Until you believe it. You got this!

@bellag You're welcome. Every journey begins with a single step. And its always darkest just before the dawning.

@Lms526 ahhhh thank you so much! this means everything <33 i’m stronger than this monster! IM in control!

@Lms526 that is the truth! phew 😅

@bellag Yep!

@bellag Only you can choose to fight for your recovery. Now get out there and kick some OCD butt

@Lms526 i am gonna work my absolute hardest!! but i’m prepared for the hard days and the very annoying waxing and waning days!! <33