Imaan7
- Date posted
- 4y
cheyrascheyras
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
I don’t think you need to accept that you’re gay, you need to accept the uncertainty. Like “guess there’s no way for me to know 100% whether I’m gay or not.” Trying to just admit to yourself that you’re gay could just be a compulsion in the opposite direction because either way it’s an attempt to gain certainty.
random_personrandom_person
- Date posted
- 4y
That makes so much sense
Imaan7Imaan7
- Date posted
- 4y
I wish It was that simple, how do you accept uncertainty when all I feel is certainty that Im gay? Even as I type this, I feel certain. Ive fully convinced myself for months that my old self wasnt my true self, so I cant put any faith In that either.
cheyrascheyras
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
@Imaan7 Your goal is not to put your faith in any one answer. In fact that’s the problem with OCD. By trying to prove you’re not gay, you’re seeking certainty. By trying to accept 100% that you’re gay, you’re seeking certainty. You’re not feeling certain you’re gay, if so you’d be at peace with it. But you’re here posting so that’s not the case. So sit with the negative emotions and quit trying to solve them by gaining certainty. It is easier said than done. I realize that fully. But you got this.
alexisrae1999alexisrae1999
- Date posted
- 4y
"Coming out" is a compulsion and a cry for certainty even if it's not the outcome you want! Sometimes the anxiety and everything is so bad and you just want it to stop, so you think that's the answer. But the answer is really just trying your best to move forward and take the pressure off of you. You have so-ocd. Deep down you probably know what you desire. Unfortunately without proper treatment, your ocd will never accept any conclusion that you come down to. You can have as many "epiphanies" or "realizations" as ya want, but that's all ocd. Learned this the hard way lol
Imaan7Imaan7
- Date posted
- 4y
It just feels like self discovery rather than hocd. Deep down Im terribly confused and these constant feelings that Im gay arent helping one bit. Ive talked inside my head too much of this and now Im finding it literally impossible that Im straight. I dont want to believe that this is Ocd, How can it be!!??? Ugh lol Im so tired, my brain wont let me rest. Sorry If my posts are weirdly worded english isnt my native tongue. I appreciate youre response.💛
alexisrae1999alexisrae1999
- Date posted
- 4y
@Imaan7 Its your ocd talking right now. You can learn to live with the uncertainty and through uncertainty you'll probably eventually gain certainy...if that makes sense. Of course you're going to have trouble feeling genuinely attracted to the sex you identify with being attracted to--because you're ONLY thinking about "what if I'm gay?" And you're comparing levels of attractiveness for each sex right? Its really hard to feel genuine attraction when you are trying to force it instead of letting it coming naturally. Do yourself a favor and please show some compassion, understanding, and patience with yourself okay? Start focusing on other things not related to your so-ocd and take the pressure off of it for now. You don't need an answer right now, no one is expecting you to come down to any conclusions. Please take care of yourself :) And your english is perfect ❤❤
BlueberryPieBlueberryPie
- Date posted
- 4y
Maybe you don't really have to accept it. Maybe you just need to live with it and do whatever you feel like you need to do. You say that you're positive that you're gay, but you also feel bad by saying it. How you feel might be different tomorrow, so take some time to figure it out maybe whenever you're a little bit less anxious. It's okay if you don't figure it out in the next hour, tonight, or even in the next year. It'll be okay!
Mixed Chick-Mental HealthMixed Chick-...
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 4y
Hmm. This is tough. Maybe this will help… You said you feel miserable when you think you can’t or won’t be able to like girls anymore…but why do you think that you being gay means you have to stop liking girls? You also said that you feel like you have no identity, but the fact that you’re saying you’re gay and that it means you can’t like girls, is you identifying with a role that society has given a “gay” man, not an identity you make for yourself… You can decide for yourself how you want to be “gay,” can’t you? There’s no one forcing you to be gay and only like men. It’s an abstract thought, I guess, because we are taught to label and classify everything in our lives…everything has its set “definition” and behaves a certain way, yes…but only within constructed societal reality. In actuality, we set our own parameters. This is why, when someone asks me what my sexual orientation is, rather than gay, straight, bi, queer, I have recently begun saying “I just like what I like.” That mantra, to me, means, if I find someone, and I like them, and they like me back, we’ll date, I guess. It may work out, it may not, but it doesn’t have to be an end-all-be-all type of thing… this is how I look at it, and I really hope that helped you a bit. Also, just to clarify, I wasn’t telling you how to think or identify, just sharing my thoughts on the matter in relation to my own thoughts and experiences! Best- ✨🤗❤️🩹
Related posts
What is happ...
- Date posted
- 23w
Questions… I don’t want reassurance just advice
I’ve tried accepting the uncertainty, I’ve accepted I may be gay, bi or still straight. I’ve tried doing ERP myself to the best I can. When I accept that I’m gay or bi why doesn’t my head agree and move on? Why does it still question it? I know I don’t want to be at all. I love my family. But I just want this to move on. I want to enjoy life. Why can’t I find women attractive again? (Brief moments I do). I seriously don’t understand the false attraction? I’ve tried agreeing with it but it won’t let this drop. Why am I attracted to the same sex? Why am I attracted to people I would never thought of looking at? Why does it give me such grief about this? I know I shouldn’t look at adult content but why can I only feel good watching either lesbian or females? I tried to agree with the gay but it makes me sick and horrendous I even considered this? I just want my life back.
Anonymous
- Date posted
- 20w
I need help.
First I want to start off with, as a kid, my brother touched me inappropriately, I watched him do the same with my cousin, than later on I did the same to my cousin. I feel great shame for it and I have yet to forgive myself. Now, since than 10 years later, I have always loved women, fantasized about women, constantly prayed to have one and do things to be with one 1 day. I struggled with porn a lot as a kid because I was shown it at such a young age. I remember first watching lesbian porn, than moving to guy and girl, than countdowns, etc. I was so hooked that it took an identity crisis to end this porn addiction. (I have only been sober for 3 weeks.) Now I only mention this because I think my porn addiction somewhat ruined me, same way as what I did in the past did. A year ago, I started to talk to a childhood crush I had, and things felt so great. We started to get along but I knew all I wanted to do was have sex and move on as wrong as that is. I ended up falling in love with her and asked her to be my girl. 9 months in, we were having constant arguments and she had this problem where she couldn’t give me a break. We were with each other 24/7 and it felt like dealing with a sister at some point. I remember talking to my friends and asking them what would they do and they always advised me to leave but I was not willing to because I knew I loved her and the way I was feeling was temporary and couples argue. Couple weeks in, I started to have these thoughts that we weren’t going to work out and that I no longer found her attractive. I kinda ignored them because it simply wasn’t true, I still found her attractive and would get hard ons for her yet, I still had this mindset that, “Oh, there’s other hotter girls” and, “Your ex looked so much better.” and I couldn’t stop these thoughts. One day I randomly woke up and remembered what I did as a kid, my whole world felt like it flipped. The thoughts were now, “what if you don’t like her because you’re secretly gay?”. I first laughed at the thought because of how ridiculous it sounded, but than it just kept going. Two weeks from a cycle of unwanted thoughts (1st stage of my ocd), I finally got over the thought with simple toughness and determination, I did lots of research on what was going on with me and went with the, “thoughts are just thoughts” method. I was doing well until we watch a netflix documentary “American Murder: Gabby Petito” and all of a sudden my mind began to think, “What if I’m secretly a psychopath and want to kill my gf?”. For about a week straight, It’s all I was able to think about. It scared me so much and I didn’t know what to do. I started to get urges to KILL my gf. I didn’t know what to do so I left the room and crawled up in a ball, crying to god asking for help.These thoughts went away but were quickly replaced by, “You want to kill your gf because you’re just gay”. This sent me into such great panic, I couldn’t eat for days and couldn’t feel anything but anxiety. Days went by and I finally went to a doctor, at first I started to feel better as If I was getting help and things were going to be okay. The thoughts went away again as I began to start doing more things and get out of my room (head). I felt like I was back again, I was able to love my gf, I started to go to church, I felt that god was real and than boom. Here I am again and this time things have gotten really bad. I can’t stop “checking”. As soon as I wake up I check if my gf is “good” enough for me. I check my past and see if I have ever done anything that show signs of being gay. I check out other girls and guys to see whether or not I like one or the other. Even when I accepted the possibility that maybe I am just gay, my mind will fight me and tell me that I’m more than just gay. Truth is, I don’t know anymore. I’ve always loved girls and my gf. I don’t know if this is OCD anymore but I wish for my old life again. I’ve always been so proud of my sexuality and loved everything about it. I never been homophobic but gay stuff does make me uncomfortable. Each day feels like I lost another part of me. I feel like I can’t live like this anymore. I lost all my belief in god, my morals and value feel so weak, and my life is no longer a fun enjoyable thing to look forward to. I need help.
Pogoshow
- Date posted
- 16w
SOOCD
I’ve been dealing with SOOCD for over a year now, and I have been having a very hard day today. I feel like I just need someone to talk too, my whole life I’ve always had girl crushes and always wanted to be romantic with women . Ever since I posted this picture on instagram and one person said I looked “zesty” in it , which is when I started obsessing about being gay . I feel like I put so much meaning to these thoughts where now I’m always checking how I feeling around men. I had a really bad porn addiction for a long time and bad anxiety which fucked up my sex drive. I feel like I doubt if I’m attracted to women when I know I am , but the doubt is so overbearing where I start to believe it . I never was interested in men sexually, and my ocd makes me feel like I like the thoughts even though I feel no pleasure out of it. I feel like I lost who I am as a person . It feels like I don’t even know what my sexuality is and it’s really upsetting to me . I meant this girl the other day and she is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met and I just feel like ocd is getting in the way😭😭😭 please any advice or comments
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond