Imaan7
- Date posted
- 3y ago
cheyrascheyras
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I don’t think you need to accept that you’re gay, you need to accept the uncertainty. Like “guess there’s no way for me to know 100% whether I’m gay or not.” Trying to just admit to yourself that you’re gay could just be a compulsion in the opposite direction because either way it’s an attempt to gain certainty.
random_personrandom_person
- Date posted
- 3y ago
That makes so much sense
Imaan7Imaan7
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I wish It was that simple, how do you accept uncertainty when all I feel is certainty that Im gay? Even as I type this, I feel certain. Ive fully convinced myself for months that my old self wasnt my true self, so I cant put any faith In that either.
cheyrascheyras
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Imaan7 Your goal is not to put your faith in any one answer. In fact that’s the problem with OCD. By trying to prove you’re not gay, you’re seeking certainty. By trying to accept 100% that you’re gay, you’re seeking certainty. You’re not feeling certain you’re gay, if so you’d be at peace with it. But you’re here posting so that’s not the case. So sit with the negative emotions and quit trying to solve them by gaining certainty. It is easier said than done. I realize that fully. But you got this.
alexisrae1999alexisrae1999
- Date posted
- 3y ago
"Coming out" is a compulsion and a cry for certainty even if it's not the outcome you want! Sometimes the anxiety and everything is so bad and you just want it to stop, so you think that's the answer. But the answer is really just trying your best to move forward and take the pressure off of you. You have so-ocd. Deep down you probably know what you desire. Unfortunately without proper treatment, your ocd will never accept any conclusion that you come down to. You can have as many "epiphanies" or "realizations" as ya want, but that's all ocd. Learned this the hard way lol
Imaan7Imaan7
- Date posted
- 3y ago
It just feels like self discovery rather than hocd. Deep down Im terribly confused and these constant feelings that Im gay arent helping one bit. Ive talked inside my head too much of this and now Im finding it literally impossible that Im straight. I dont want to believe that this is Ocd, How can it be!!??? Ugh lol Im so tired, my brain wont let me rest. Sorry If my posts are weirdly worded english isnt my native tongue. I appreciate youre response.💛
alexisrae1999alexisrae1999
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Imaan7 Its your ocd talking right now. You can learn to live with the uncertainty and through uncertainty you'll probably eventually gain certainy...if that makes sense. Of course you're going to have trouble feeling genuinely attracted to the sex you identify with being attracted to--because you're ONLY thinking about "what if I'm gay?" And you're comparing levels of attractiveness for each sex right? Its really hard to feel genuine attraction when you are trying to force it instead of letting it coming naturally. Do yourself a favor and please show some compassion, understanding, and patience with yourself okay? Start focusing on other things not related to your so-ocd and take the pressure off of it for now. You don't need an answer right now, no one is expecting you to come down to any conclusions. Please take care of yourself :) And your english is perfect ❤❤
BlueberryPieBlueberryPie
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Maybe you don't really have to accept it. Maybe you just need to live with it and do whatever you feel like you need to do. You say that you're positive that you're gay, but you also feel bad by saying it. How you feel might be different tomorrow, so take some time to figure it out maybe whenever you're a little bit less anxious. It's okay if you don't figure it out in the next hour, tonight, or even in the next year. It'll be okay!
Mixed Chick-Mental HealthMixed Chick-...
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hmm. This is tough. Maybe this will help… You said you feel miserable when you think you can’t or won’t be able to like girls anymore…but why do you think that you being gay means you have to stop liking girls? You also said that you feel like you have no identity, but the fact that you’re saying you’re gay and that it means you can’t like girls, is you identifying with a role that society has given a “gay” man, not an identity you make for yourself… You can decide for yourself how you want to be “gay,” can’t you? There’s no one forcing you to be gay and only like men. It’s an abstract thought, I guess, because we are taught to label and classify everything in our lives…everything has its set “definition” and behaves a certain way, yes…but only within constructed societal reality. In actuality, we set our own parameters. This is why, when someone asks me what my sexual orientation is, rather than gay, straight, bi, queer, I have recently begun saying “I just like what I like.” That mantra, to me, means, if I find someone, and I like them, and they like me back, we’ll date, I guess. It may work out, it may not, but it doesn’t have to be an end-all-be-all type of thing… this is how I look at it, and I really hope that helped you a bit. Also, just to clarify, I wasn’t telling you how to think or identify, just sharing my thoughts on the matter in relation to my own thoughts and experiences! Best- ✨🤗❤️🩹
Related posts
Anonymous
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 16w ago
Pls I need advice
I’ve had so many moments of clarity with my OCD that I love my boyfriend and I’m beyond willing to go through this to be better and be with him. in the back of mind I’ve in a way known I was at least somewhat sexually attracted to women (I’m a woman) since the start of the ocd it was always like “okay. Fine, but I don’t want to date a girl” I only just realized this after the ocd started, I never really argued with this. my ocd has always revolved around if I’m romantically interested in women and not men. I’ve done so many compulsions through this year and a half and 9 times out of 10 have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be with a woman romantically. I always end up feeling like I know I love my boyfriend. But the doubts don’t stop about whether I want to spend my life with a woman instead, my heart literally breaks to think of not being with my bf and imagining him with someone else. I don’t want to be with a woman I know deep down somewhere underneath the anxiety that that’s not what I want. It doesn’t feel natural for me, unfulfilling. I want to tell my boyfriend about the possible sexual attraction to women (ik it’s still ocd related) but I’m scared that once I tell him, I’ll realize that I actually do want to be with women and not with him. Ugh I’ve spent hours today ruminating about this after being solid in my commitment with him for a little while, I’m stuck in this loop and idk how to get out right now
misereri
- Date posted
- 11w ago
Someone to talk to?please?
Hi, I'm 17,about to be 18. I've been struggling with these thoughts for the past 8 months. I was wondering if someone experienced ever the same because I feel im "different". BACKGROUND: (I'm not diagnosed with Ocd but seeing a local counselor) About 9 months ago I cheated on my boyfriend with this guy S (who blackmailed, manipulated and molested me). Since then when I realized that what i did was very WRONG and so I started ruminating picking apart every single interaction and telling my boyfriend, i tried to remember every single detail because otherwise I felt like i was being a fraud and hiding things to save myself, i had many crisis about it because I had also what i think was false memory ocd. My boyfriend forgave me idk how tbh I still wonder. CURRENT STRUGGLE: Months ago I was sure I didn't wanna S in any way and i was sure even when everything happened. For the past 2 months tho I've been having thoughts like " Do I love S?" "I love S" "S is hot" "Would S find me hot?" "What if I want S?" " What if I don't love my boyfriend enough?" "What if I secretly want S?" "What if I see my boyfriend as a friend only?Do I?" And I tried testing my reaction to intimate scenarios with S, I'm scared I like it i dont really wanna love S or have any secret attraction, I wish I didn't have any of this and I want to be sure of my feelings for my boyfriend because I know I wanna be with him and I see a future with him like he brings me comfort. But a part of me keeps trying to convince me otherwise. Sometimes I think I'd rather die than have these thoughts. Im so scared of not being able to control my feelings, im scared I can't resist S and its giving me anxiety and making me cry. Sometimes when i think of those sexual scenarios with S or I get those thoughts my mind tells me to smile because i like it because I find it funny. It makes me doubt myself all over again. Like I'm always like I need to test if I'd feel aroused to intimate scenarios with S, lately im trying to fight this urge to test and test but my mind is like "just do it this once so you can be sure. I can never watch anything romantic or sexual or whatever because my mind would be like "you and S" or sometimes I'm just enjoying time with my bf and im like " yes we can just have a sneaky cheating thing thats ok" and it makes me want to figure it out to find an answer a solution because idk it just does like I need to find the meaning of it if it means the truth and all. Im worried im just an awful person and these thoughts just ruin my quality of life . Today i had a crisis where i ended up doinf swlf harm, I'm so scared of finding someone that's not my boyfriend desirable or sexual appealing or whatever it is, I also have bodily reactions when I try to imagine and test my reaction to scenarios. Now i keep groing everytime and I dont know why but i have this sensation and I dont want to havebit especially when its something S related. Does someone experience the same thoughts? Am I alone in this? Is this ROCD? What should i do?
Mt2019
- Date posted
- 11w ago
Question about HOCD
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond