- Date posted
- 3y ago
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I don’t think you need to accept that you’re gay, you need to accept the uncertainty. Like “guess there’s no way for me to know 100% whether I’m gay or not.” Trying to just admit to yourself that you’re gay could just be a compulsion in the opposite direction because either way it’s an attempt to gain certainty.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
That makes so much sense
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I wish It was that simple, how do you accept uncertainty when all I feel is certainty that Im gay? Even as I type this, I feel certain. Ive fully convinced myself for months that my old self wasnt my true self, so I cant put any faith In that either.
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Imaan7 Your goal is not to put your faith in any one answer. In fact that’s the problem with OCD. By trying to prove you’re not gay, you’re seeking certainty. By trying to accept 100% that you’re gay, you’re seeking certainty. You’re not feeling certain you’re gay, if so you’d be at peace with it. But you’re here posting so that’s not the case. So sit with the negative emotions and quit trying to solve them by gaining certainty. It is easier said than done. I realize that fully. But you got this.
- Date posted
- 3y ago
"Coming out" is a compulsion and a cry for certainty even if it's not the outcome you want! Sometimes the anxiety and everything is so bad and you just want it to stop, so you think that's the answer. But the answer is really just trying your best to move forward and take the pressure off of you. You have so-ocd. Deep down you probably know what you desire. Unfortunately without proper treatment, your ocd will never accept any conclusion that you come down to. You can have as many "epiphanies" or "realizations" as ya want, but that's all ocd. Learned this the hard way lol
- Date posted
- 3y ago
It just feels like self discovery rather than hocd. Deep down Im terribly confused and these constant feelings that Im gay arent helping one bit. Ive talked inside my head too much of this and now Im finding it literally impossible that Im straight. I dont want to believe that this is Ocd, How can it be!!??? Ugh lol Im so tired, my brain wont let me rest. Sorry If my posts are weirdly worded english isnt my native tongue. I appreciate youre response.💛
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Imaan7 Its your ocd talking right now. You can learn to live with the uncertainty and through uncertainty you'll probably eventually gain certainy...if that makes sense. Of course you're going to have trouble feeling genuinely attracted to the sex you identify with being attracted to--because you're ONLY thinking about "what if I'm gay?" And you're comparing levels of attractiveness for each sex right? Its really hard to feel genuine attraction when you are trying to force it instead of letting it coming naturally. Do yourself a favor and please show some compassion, understanding, and patience with yourself okay? Start focusing on other things not related to your so-ocd and take the pressure off of it for now. You don't need an answer right now, no one is expecting you to come down to any conclusions. Please take care of yourself :) And your english is perfect ❤❤
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Maybe you don't really have to accept it. Maybe you just need to live with it and do whatever you feel like you need to do. You say that you're positive that you're gay, but you also feel bad by saying it. How you feel might be different tomorrow, so take some time to figure it out maybe whenever you're a little bit less anxious. It's okay if you don't figure it out in the next hour, tonight, or even in the next year. It'll be okay!
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hmm. This is tough. Maybe this will help… You said you feel miserable when you think you can’t or won’t be able to like girls anymore…but why do you think that you being gay means you have to stop liking girls? You also said that you feel like you have no identity, but the fact that you’re saying you’re gay and that it means you can’t like girls, is you identifying with a role that society has given a “gay” man, not an identity you make for yourself… You can decide for yourself how you want to be “gay,” can’t you? There’s no one forcing you to be gay and only like men. It’s an abstract thought, I guess, because we are taught to label and classify everything in our lives…everything has its set “definition” and behaves a certain way, yes…but only within constructed societal reality. In actuality, we set our own parameters. This is why, when someone asks me what my sexual orientation is, rather than gay, straight, bi, queer, I have recently begun saying “I just like what I like.” That mantra, to me, means, if I find someone, and I like them, and they like me back, we’ll date, I guess. It may work out, it may not, but it doesn’t have to be an end-all-be-all type of thing… this is how I look at it, and I really hope that helped you a bit. Also, just to clarify, I wasn’t telling you how to think or identify, just sharing my thoughts on the matter in relation to my own thoughts and experiences! Best- ✨🤗❤️🩹
Related posts
- Date posted
- 8w ago
Sorry long post. Anyone feel like now they’re just in extreme denial. Like when I was little I noticed guys more than girls in movies and was more drawn to them. I remember changing my mindset to switch that. 98%of my life has been straight until recently. I felt drawn to some guys but never thought of it sexually. Always had girl crushes dreams and porn. Now I watch porn and I feel like straight takes longer and then I go and watch gay porn and feel nothing until I tell myself it’s two attractive dudes and love is love and imagine physical sensations and then it hits like suddenly. Like I have to convince myself it’s alright. Then when I try again I can do all that but feel nothing and then straight porn works. Idk if it’s just getting a fix or the first time works with anything or what but it’s confusing. On top of that I’ve felt girl relationships including my wife maybe miss something and a guy maybe matches that feeling that but then I feel like I’d be missing something without a girl or my wife. Idk I’ve had some rough times in life with male figures in my life but idk. I feel like I have to convince myself more and more that I’m straight even more than the first time I dealt with this. Can someone relate? Please
- Date posted
- 6w ago
I don’t want to look for reassurance but I seriously need help. I got diagnosed with OCD in January of 2024. My first theme was religious OCD. I feared that I would commit the unforgivable sin of blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. Maybe about five months later I walked in to my dad’s room where he was watching a movie, and two girls did some stuff if you know what I mean. Later that day I started to panic that I was that way. At the beginning of my hocd I did many compulsions and a lot of rumination. I had bad anxiety and knew that I did not want a relationship with a woman. I had always known myself to be straight. I’ve liked men since preschool. From having a crushes and celebrity crushes and only wanting and fantasizing about men. But fast forward to now with my hocd, I have no anxiety and I’m feel like I’m in denial. Which I know is common but I believe I truly want and like this. Even though before I would have had a panic attack and said ew. When I think about dating a girl I feel as though it’s normal and I have no anxiety about not having anxiety. I’m a very big Christian and I don’t really want to be this way. I mean if I am I’ll deal with it I guess but I’ve never felt this way before. I used to always watch movies and be like I hope I find a man like that but now i do that with both genders I feel like. I felt numb but now it feels normal and that I truly want and enjoy it and that I’m okay with it. Am I in denial or is it hocd still? Can anyone relate? It just feels so real like it’s not hocd anymore and I feel like I don’t care and I just want to know yk. UGH I don’t know how to explain it.
- Date posted
- 4w ago
I cant do anything anymore without my brain dregdging up proof from my past that I was actually trans and didn't know it, and it all seems so plausible. like I said in my last post its unearthing memories that I didn't even know I have. ik this is just ocd tricking me but I feel like I need to review every moment thoroughly bc I have questioned my gender in the past but always concluded that'd I'd happier as a girl (which is true). everything feels so real and it feels like I am just super in denial. also, how do I tell people about this? I made the mistake of confessing to a teacher on a note and only a couple friends of mine understand the thoughts I get, but I don't tell them everything. however its very hard for me to do basic responsibilities like school work and I always end up overwhelmed, so I'm thinking I may need accomdations. I need to get in touch with my counselor but i'm unsure how to explain all of this to her, being that I don't have a diagnosis....also I feel like I can't talk about this with the majority of my friends because gender ocd is rare to have (increasing my doubts) and, at least school-wise, i'm in very accepting environment for lgbtq and I'm afraid they're just gonna tell me to accept myself. I'm scared of doing erp for this because what if I like it (also cant afford therapy). ive also felt very apprehensive around some of my trans friends and classmates because my brain is going crazy asking "what if you're like them?" and I feel so bad and transphobic for these thoughts. i'm genuinely so tired. one of my closest friends died last year, but my father pointed out that my recent mood has been even worse than it was during that time. i tend to bottle up my emotions a lot, so everyone's just telling me to "let it go" and tell people, but if I do that I feel like i'll end up confessing. i'm so tired and lost.
Be a part of the largest OCD Community
Share your thoughts so the Community can respond