- Username
- Imaan7
- Date posted
- 3y ago
- Username
- cheyrascheyras
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I don’t think you need to accept that you’re gay, you need to accept the uncertainty. Like “guess there’s no way for me to know 100% whether I’m gay or not.” Trying to just admit to yourself that you’re gay could just be a compulsion in the opposite direction because either way it’s an attempt to gain certainty.
- Username
- random_personrandom_person
- Date posted
- 3y ago
That makes so much sense
- Username
- Imaan7Imaan7
- Date posted
- 3y ago
I wish It was that simple, how do you accept uncertainty when all I feel is certainty that Im gay? Even as I type this, I feel certain. Ive fully convinced myself for months that my old self wasnt my true self, so I cant put any faith In that either.
- Username
- cheyrascheyras
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Imaan7 Your goal is not to put your faith in any one answer. In fact that’s the problem with OCD. By trying to prove you’re not gay, you’re seeking certainty. By trying to accept 100% that you’re gay, you’re seeking certainty. You’re not feeling certain you’re gay, if so you’d be at peace with it. But you’re here posting so that’s not the case. So sit with the negative emotions and quit trying to solve them by gaining certainty. It is easier said than done. I realize that fully. But you got this.
- Username
- alexisrae1999alexisrae1999
- Date posted
- 3y ago
"Coming out" is a compulsion and a cry for certainty even if it's not the outcome you want! Sometimes the anxiety and everything is so bad and you just want it to stop, so you think that's the answer. But the answer is really just trying your best to move forward and take the pressure off of you. You have so-ocd. Deep down you probably know what you desire. Unfortunately without proper treatment, your ocd will never accept any conclusion that you come down to. You can have as many "epiphanies" or "realizations" as ya want, but that's all ocd. Learned this the hard way lol
- Username
- Imaan7Imaan7
- Date posted
- 3y ago
It just feels like self discovery rather than hocd. Deep down Im terribly confused and these constant feelings that Im gay arent helping one bit. Ive talked inside my head too much of this and now Im finding it literally impossible that Im straight. I dont want to believe that this is Ocd, How can it be!!??? Ugh lol Im so tired, my brain wont let me rest. Sorry If my posts are weirdly worded english isnt my native tongue. I appreciate youre response.💛
- Username
- alexisrae1999alexisrae1999
- Date posted
- 3y ago
@Imaan7 Its your ocd talking right now. You can learn to live with the uncertainty and through uncertainty you'll probably eventually gain certainy...if that makes sense. Of course you're going to have trouble feeling genuinely attracted to the sex you identify with being attracted to--because you're ONLY thinking about "what if I'm gay?" And you're comparing levels of attractiveness for each sex right? Its really hard to feel genuine attraction when you are trying to force it instead of letting it coming naturally. Do yourself a favor and please show some compassion, understanding, and patience with yourself okay? Start focusing on other things not related to your so-ocd and take the pressure off of it for now. You don't need an answer right now, no one is expecting you to come down to any conclusions. Please take care of yourself :) And your english is perfect ❤❤
- Username
- BlueberryPieBlueberryPie
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Maybe you don't really have to accept it. Maybe you just need to live with it and do whatever you feel like you need to do. You say that you're positive that you're gay, but you also feel bad by saying it. How you feel might be different tomorrow, so take some time to figure it out maybe whenever you're a little bit less anxious. It's okay if you don't figure it out in the next hour, tonight, or even in the next year. It'll be okay!
- Username
- Mixed Chick-Mental HealthMixed Chick-...
- User type
- OCD Conqueror
- Date posted
- 3y ago
Hmm. This is tough. Maybe this will help… You said you feel miserable when you think you can’t or won’t be able to like girls anymore…but why do you think that you being gay means you have to stop liking girls? You also said that you feel like you have no identity, but the fact that you’re saying you’re gay and that it means you can’t like girls, is you identifying with a role that society has given a “gay” man, not an identity you make for yourself… You can decide for yourself how you want to be “gay,” can’t you? There’s no one forcing you to be gay and only like men. It’s an abstract thought, I guess, because we are taught to label and classify everything in our lives…everything has its set “definition” and behaves a certain way, yes…but only within constructed societal reality. In actuality, we set our own parameters. This is why, when someone asks me what my sexual orientation is, rather than gay, straight, bi, queer, I have recently begun saying “I just like what I like.” That mantra, to me, means, if I find someone, and I like them, and they like me back, we’ll date, I guess. It may work out, it may not, but it doesn’t have to be an end-all-be-all type of thing… this is how I look at it, and I really hope that helped you a bit. Also, just to clarify, I wasn’t telling you how to think or identify, just sharing my thoughts on the matter in relation to my own thoughts and experiences! Best- ✨🤗❤️🩹
Related posts
- Username
- Iann
- Date posted
- 5y ago
This feels weird. I feel like I’m gay, and when I “accept” My thoughts I don’t feel good or pleasure, just this weight on my chest. Like my mind says “okay you’re gay see” but when I think of me in gay scenarios I feel no pleasure at all. Yet I lost my attraction to women. My mind still says I’m gay though I feel nothing towards men. But it appears my attraction to women disappeared as well. What is this? Why did I used to have extremely mad anxiety over gay thoughts and now that I finally faced my thoughts I feel nothing as well? Like seriously what is this. I used to be girl crazy like to another level. Now I’m not attracted to women at all apparently but when I “accept” my thoughts and say ok I’m gay, I feel nothing towards men either. Is this still ocd? And why when I do have anxiety with gay thoughts it seems like I AM attracted to men. I don’t understand this. Do any of you have any experience and share some insight?
- Username
- Idk
- Date posted
- 5y ago
I seriously have never thought about girls until now. It just never crossed my mind. I never liked or had feelings for a girl. And now that I’m constantly questioning everything and picturing everything. It just feels like I like it. It scares me, would I be happy with a girl ?? I don’t want to be with a girl but I feels like I do want this. It’s so confusing. I can’t tell whether this is actually ocd or I’m genuinely attracted to the same sex. I hate this so much !!! It’s like I just completely lost myself and questioned it so much I’ve just become lesbian but some things just don’t make sense. Why would I catch feelings for other boys? Never girls. I don’t know anymore. I’m happy with my boyfriend. Without these thoughts I’d be so good and so much more happy. Now I just don’t fucking know and this hurts so damn bad that I can’t just rest not one day. This is so damn stressful and hurtful to question your identity every single day. Sometimes I seriously just feel like I’m lesbian but I can’t seem to settle on that because I just can’t be. I want to just die. I hate what my mind is doing to me. I hate I have to go through these thoughts alone. I hate everything. I just want to crawl in a hole and never see anyone. I just want to hug my boyfriend and have my thoughts erased. I’ve thought too much and too deep I can’t stop. I’m crying from sadness because I don’t know what’s real anymore and I never in a million years thought this is something I’d have to deal with.
- Username
- hateocd123
- Date posted
- 5y ago
*EXPLICIT!!!!* Is it normal to completely loose your identity with HOCD? There's no "deep down I know I'm straight." I feel completely gay. I really think I am a lesbian in denial. I want my identity back. I've asked this before, but with ERP am I supposed to tell myself that I am gay? I don't know how else to except it. It's the only way that doesn't feel like I'm lying to myself now. It's extremely upsetting because I really don't want this to be my reality. My dad said that if I am a lesbian than I still get to choose who I'm with, but if I am then there's no reason not to be with a woman even if I don't want to be. I have to. If I'm a lesbian and I stay with my boyfriend then I'm just in denial and lying to myself and him right? I have to put myself in a box, I'm not capable of breaking societal standards for some reason as in if I'm a lesbian then I can only date women. My parents keep telling me that they don't think I'm gay, but I can do whatever. I think I'm starting to convince myself that this actually what I want. Hopefully just so I can get over the pain. I don't know anymore. I don't know how I let this turn into an actual identity crisis. It doesn't help that I have ROCD too. I think I'm going to go on the SSRI I was prescribed even though it had bad reviews. I've had OCD since I was like six years old, with multiple different things, but I keep thinking with this one what if it's different? *TMI* *TMI* *TMI* *TMI* I've watched lesbian porn in the past and have finished to it multiple times and for a while that was my go to, then I stopped watching porn altogether. I didn't have any emotional connection to it, but it worked. What if I didn't have an emotional connection because I didn't let myself? I had a fantasy about myself in a lesbian porn once, but again, back then I didn't think of it as something I really wanted in reality, infact it was testing, but I stayed aroused. I know I had fantasies about guys my whole life, but now I feel like I'm making them up. At the beginning of this I remember testing myself thinking about a girl and then switching to a boy to see if I would stay aroused, and I'd completely loose arousal with the boy. There was a lot of anxiety around this so I don't know if that's why or if it's because I'm actually gay. I really really really do not want to be a lesbian, but I read about another on quora that said she really didn't want to be gay and another girl answered by saying that she didn't want to be at first either and that in the beginning she wasn't even able to say the word "lesbian" and that she was extremely depressed in the beginning, but now she's happy. I don't want that. I don't even want to be happy and gay.
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